A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just pressured my ex (two years, lived together for one year) back into a relationship with me.We broke up two months ago because I got into a stupid fight with his friend. I immediately realized we were broken up for the wrong reason, so I wanted to get back together soon after the breakup but he came to value his rediscovered freedom more than me. For two months, I kept on pestering him about getting back together. He wouldn’t do it but we are still acting like a couple. The only thing is that nobody knows about us especially his friends. I love him so much and I just couldn’t take it whenever he tried to take the easy way out. So tonight I literally went psychotic on him and he finally agreed to get back together with me. While he still didn’t want anybody to know about us, I’m much happier and am excited to start healing together. I feel that the issues we have are best worked out with us together instead of being apart due to the major oppositions we have (his friends and my family). You might think I am crazy or manipulative but he was the one who said he still loves me and he wants to make it work. But let me clarify the dilemma again is that I went up against his friends and he still couldn’t find the courage to tell them that he wants to see me again. This is the main reason why he has doubts about us as if he needs approval from his friends. What are friends for anyway? If they are not going to understand and support who you’re going to love, why do you even call them your friends? For two months, he led me on while I dare not look at other guys and tended to his needs whenever including buying him dinner, correcting his papers, you name it. Now that I moved out of his apartment, he can barely pay rent on his own and with our anniversary coming in 3 days, he just told me we best pay for our own dinners at the restaurant. Why do we resort to this? Am I setting myself for failure to trap a man like this? What does it mean and what is it so important that he finds himself again when it will take a second job to pay for rent, require others write his papers for him, surround himself with “friends” who value their single lives so much that they also force him to have, cause him to be exhausted from school everyday, and last but not least, lose the unconditional love I want to give him?
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female
reader, sugarcandy +, writes (9 November 2010):
I didn't really get a clear question..
But just having read that I'll say-
You recognize you are being manipulative, in fact; no one has projected this upon you, you offered it up yourself. And you're right. Going "psycho" on someone to force them back with you is not healthy.
Also if he doesn't want to tell his friends, that should let you know where he prioritizes you in his life, after his friends. Not before them.
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