A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my fiance very much but thought keep entering my head about cheating on her with my ex or one of her friends. I dont know what to do?I love my fiance very much, we've been together for almost 7 months now and i asked her to marry me a couple of months ago and she said yes.But recently over the past couple of weeks my friends have been talking about being to young to commit to any serious relationship at their (my) age. Im 18 and my girlfriend is 17 we are both in college. My ex who i was with is 18 and my girlfriends friend is 17.I know that the only reason i would get with the them is to feel the 'risk' and to 'experience' life. The sex life with my girlfriend is absolutely amazing i cant complain one bit. I cant say that about my ex though. The only reason i want to get with my gf's friend is because she is good looking.Help? Im confused because i dont know what to do with the info i have and im biased on it as well.Regards.Me.
View related questions:
fiance, my ex, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Read "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. You won't regret it.
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 Mate, you got all the time in the world!
Get married to her if you want, but if you have only been seeing her for a short while, I'd say wait a bit longer. It's better to wait for a while incase things slip out of hand.
Just MPO. Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Marry your fiance. Don't cheat on her. You'll regret having meaningless sexual encounters. Believe me.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Thoughts about other women will be normal all your life. But if you really do love your fiancee, you'll learn to stop comparing her to those women. That is, you may observe how another woman is hot/cute/funny/whatever, but when you look back toward your fiancee, you'll see her as the unique example of a special kind of person, not really comparable to others. I mean, what if your fiancee *becomes* ugly or frigid? Bad luck can certainly make that happen. But if it isn't her fault, then you won't subject someone you love and respect to that kind of comparison by seriously thinking about switching. The question is ... do you really love and respect her enough to stand by her even if the qualities you're comparing now erode in her? Incidentally, never ever cheat on her. It's unbelievably hurtful.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): You're clearly an idiot, because you proposed to a 17 year old, because you proposed after only 5 months, because you think cheating because another girl is good looking is acceptable, and because you can't type out a proper sentence.At this point in your life, you should be happy with a girlfriend who is willing to have sex with you. Long-term commitments come later, after you've grown out of being an idiot.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Heavy  +, writes (13 June 2007):
So you have thoughts about having sex with women. Welcome to the wonderful world of being male.
Allow me to let you in on a few other secrets about life.
First, and most central to your problem, it's not the thoughts that count. It's what you do with them. You can always simply not cheat on your fiancée, regardless of how hot you think other women look.
Second, no one is ever ready to get married. People who have never been married can't be ready, by definition, and people who marry multiple times may not be all that good at it either.
That said, I personally think that eighteen is far too young to make a decision that has consequences that are so far-reaching. It is very likely that your frontal lobe isn't even properly wired up yet, and won't be for another couple of years. Most likely you are not really capable of understanding what you're getting yourself into. Notice that you think knowing someone for seven months involves learning enough about them to know what they'll be like for the next five years, ten years, or even the rest of your life. This is not a good sign in terms of your cerebral maturity. Consider also that you think sleeping with other women is "life experience." This is also, I assure you, not a good sign in terms of your cerebral maturity. Consider putting off your wedding date for a few years. The odds are that you have all the time in the world.
Third, here's what marriage is about: It's about doing what's best, what's right, and what's most loving, every day. You get up in the morning and you do your best and you go to sleep and you get up in the morning and you do your best again. Rinse, lather, repeat. You don't get time off for good behavior. You don't get sick days and you don't get vacations. You don't always get the love and care that you want, and you don't always get to be the person you wish you were. You don't even always get forgiven your sins; nor will you forgive all of your partner's sins. All you get is one new day, every day. That means more, and less, than you can know until you're living it.
Fourth, there is this cultural thing about "sowing one's wild oats." It is essentially horseshit. Do not believe the hype.
Bottom line: Be committed, or do not be committed. I guarantee you you cannot really have it both ways.
Best of luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Do not get married at 18!! Trust me, being with someone for only 7 months at age 17 & 18 is a recipe for disaster. You're already having 2nd thoughts which is what it is when you're engaged but thinking about having sex with other people. With marrigae comes the commitment of being with that person FOREVER...Not cheating, possibly having children, sharing a home & your lives & everything in them forever. Can you honestly say you're ready for this? And if not, and you do it anyways you're just being a fool. Divorce is expensive, & if you make more $ than her, she can come after you for support financially. If you love her, there is absolutly nothing wrong with waiting to get married. Wait until you're both out of school, and settled into jobs, and together for at least 5 yrs total. It is important because I have been there and the way you feel about someone at 7 months is a world of difference to how you feel about them in 5 yrs. Imagine 40 plus yrs. with the same person!! She is not going to look any better than she does at her age now. Her looks will just fade with time so your love for her has to be stronger than that. This isn't something you can figure out at age 18..so don't do it.
...............................
|
