A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help on this situation. When I go out to a restaurant or just walk around some people give me dirty looks or just stare at me like I'm a museum exhibit. This really bothers me and its rude. Is this a sign of hatred or weirdness? Please help! Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 Not knowing what you look like, your hygiene, how you dress, etc makes it difficult to say much.
This may sound funny, but go to someone you trust and who has a sense of style you like. If you don't have any friends like that, then go to a makeup counter, or a store like aveda or origins. Tell them that you are trying to find a new look and ask them what they would do to make your look over. If you have some money to burn, let them do a makeover on you.
Take what they say with a grain of salt, but if you like anything they suggest, try it out for yourself. The way you look can be a representation of who you are. (Someone with deformities would be an exception to that rule, of course.) If you're a nice, sweet person (which it seems like you are), then you may want to aspire to a look that expresses that as well. Go to someone who is nice, but can be honest, and see what they say.
You can't change the world to not notice you. You can either change yourself, ignore the looks, or continue being agonized by the looks.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): You're paranoid. No one is giving you dirty looks. There's no such thing as a "dirty look" but that's the way you choose to interpret them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I do not dress inappropriately in public, or try to attract attention, and I don't wear heavy makeup.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): My guess is that you may be dressing inappropriately in the restaurant, such as either really torn clothes, or wild hair and makeup, or you may be the more common thing, dressing like a tart, showing cleavage, which is not really a great advertisement of the person you are inside...that said, at your age you are going through adolescence when it is common to have a lot of self doubts about other people and how much attention they are focusing on you, chances are they are not thinking about you at all, or if so rarely think of you , and don't really consider you as person at all especially when they do not know you....people like to look at others, if you don't like it, don't look back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): This could be something physical such a large mole on your forehead or an unusual wardrobe choice, in which case, yes, people are rude to stare. But you could also genuinely be suffering from persecutory delusions. I think that's fairly unlikely, but if you cannot identify the reason why people are staring, then a therapist might at least give an honest answer. If you can identify the reason but cannot change it, then that might be another reason to talk to a therapist. If you can identify the reason and don't want to change it, then there is probably a subculture or community somewhere near you that will be more accepting. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Heavy +, writes (13 June 2007):
It's hard to know what's happening here.
People might be looking at you because you look different in some way. This might be rude, or it might be ordinary human curiosity.
People might be looking at you because you are sending some kind of cultural message encoded in the way you look. Perhaps you are wearing a Dixie Chicks T-shirt in Texas. Perhaps you are wearing a pro-life tattoo in Santa Cruz.
People might not be looking at you in any way that's out of the ordinary, and you might be the one who's deciding that they're staring.
Hard to know what's really going on.
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A
female
reader, mh26hm  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 i understand what you are going through. well, do you give the people dirty looks and or do you make them feel bad by looking at them like you are judging them?
well, people look at me in public, they just look at me and at times smile at me.... i do not like it as much but i go along with it and move on. i'm not ugly, i'm just attractive and good looking. maybe your the same and those people are jealous that you might have great beauty and looks?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Well, why are they looking at you is the question. Do you dress slutty, or are you very good looking? Are you gothic with all the black make up & tattoos & piercings? Are you obese or anorexic? There are reasons, when I was young, ppl. used to stare at me all the time. Now looking back, I know it was because I was extremely attractive & I used to get ppl. asking me all the time if I was a model. Back then though, I didn't know why they stared, I just knew it annoyed me a lot. So to answer your question I would need more information about you.
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