A
male
age
30-35,
*nk
writes:Hey CupidI think I have messed up.I played a prank on a girl I was dating and sort of felt guilty by doing so. My plan was to make her doubt me because she trusted everything from the beginning which I found a bit naïve so I thought I'd just act a bit awkward and lie about things and see if she catches me doing so.Although I explained to her later that day why I played the prank and what exactly happened because i felt a lot guilty and the fact that she didn't deserve it .While I was playing prank,she told me she doesn't know if she can trust me again or something.She was cool about it all when I told her about prank and said I take things too seriously and I should chill, but I don't feel the same way about her(as I feel I can't face her again) and neither I think she would (trust me or look at me as a potential bf due to I tried to shake her trust/and I just talked how much I felt guilty which shows I'm weak) because we didn't know each other well. I really liked her but I think because I have lost people I loved in my life, I tried to push her away too ..Now my point is, although she told me many times she's okay and nothing's changed but I feel she won't trust me again and why would I feel guilty? Lastly, should I give her up because I really messed it up or try to work it out. If work it out, then how exactly ? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2015): Answering your question:NO there's no difference between your situations and mine. my ex just showed up one day and volunteered a peom,whether he wrote poems or not, it had no effect on my relationship with him.if he wrote poems I was just gonna encourage him to do something he's good at. I wasn't gonna love him more because he wrote poem, i wasn't gonna love him less if he didnot. it was irrelevant to our relationship.The point is may be it was a joke he took too far.may be he thought I'm naive so he wanted to trick me(same thing you did), all he did was proving his immaturity.Ask yourself, what would you do if your SO, whom you love and trust showed up one day and told you she did drugs (that she didnot)?? if you just think of it as a funny joke, then there's something wrong with you...Your problem isn't that she's not trying to get to know you...THIS is your problem:"My plan was to make her doubt me because she trusted everything from the beginning which I found a bit naïve so I thought I'd just act a bit awkward and lie about things and see if she catches me doing so."As I said before, I treat the people I date the way I like to treat the one person I would like to spend my life with. so I'm nice, caring, I give them ALL and EVERYTHING I have, if they treat me back the same way, I keep the person.if I see they try to take advantage of me , I leave them when they least expect it.your girl is just giving you the benefit of a doubt for now but your relationship isn't gonna last and she gonna end it when you least expect it, because you're so naive that you think you could underestimate her intelligence and get away with it. Women don't forgive that type of misdemeanor ;)
A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (18 January 2015):
Hnk is verified as being by the original poster of the question Cheers everyone again.
One question to anonymous, you said you liked poems and your ex lied about writing poems. I on the other hand, lied about tattoos and drugs which I absolutely don't.(it started as playful jokes which I took too far.)I thought she knew because she asked me before. I know lie is a lie and take responsibility. Do you think there's any difference really between our situation?
Secondly, as I said before,
She's open about anything I ask her. She'd respond be it her habbits, hobbies, past or anything really but she's not taking any interest to know me or try to ask me anything....
This confuses me!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): The solution is simple. Instead of spending so much time questioning and testing whether she is worth it or not, why don't you just accept that clearly she is and clearly you really dig her, and just go for it. Go do something nice for her. Plan something special. Invite her out to a nice dinner. Maybe take her to a carnival or something fun afterwards and be a gentleman and treat her like a princess. Show her that you do care.
That's all you have to do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): I agree with some of the answers you got. She did not pose a challenge to you, you doubted her intelligence, you thought she’s desperate so you wanted to test the waters, and see where she draws the line.
I think what you did is dumb, and I don't think your girl is gonna ever trust you the way she used to, or in better words trust you intelligence or your maturity. What you did was immature and it reflects on your personality.
I'm one of those people who don't draw a line, I let my partner draw the line, I like to see how my far my partner would go and based on that I decide If I stay with them or leave them.
My ex knew I liked poems.One day he told me he wrote me one, I didnot know he wrote poems,but I had no reason not to believe him, because i thought he had no reason to lie to me. it was a nice poems and I was really impressed. a week later he told me that he lied and he's not the one who wrote. I was disappointed that he's so insecure and so immature. I said it was ok, but it really wasn't, not because he lied about the poem, but because he's immature to lie about something like that and insecure. I broke up with him a while after, not because of that incident specifically but because it turned out he was very immature and insecure.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (18 January 2015):
 Maybe you should break up; either she's not over it, or you continue to try to find reasons why she can't/wont stay with you.
Ask her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (17 January 2015):
Hnk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, everything is going on fine. Thanks to you all the guys for your amazing help and guidance.
I have a problem, now my girl friend is more treating me like a friend and more acting careless towards me. Does this mean, it's over?
Is there any way to salvage this ?
...............................
A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (17 January 2015):
Hnk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI met her almost every except yesterday!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): She was too trusting. She didn't pose enough of a challenge to you. You were hoping you would have to work a little harder to gain her approval. But instead she made things too easy which in turn made you question her. You start thinking, maybe this girl is really dumb or something. Or worse, what if she is just desperate... So you decided to test the waters to see how much you can get past her or get away with. To see what makes this girl tick, see where she draws the line. Find out if she has a backbone and is worth her salt.I think your thought process is very keen and intelligent. With that said, I think your "experiment" was childish and immature. I agree with her that you take things way too seriously and do need to chill. Your reaction to all this is a bit over the top. Why don't you just pawn it all off as a joke and just move forward. You not seeing her is like a person being too ashamed to go back to work because they had their fly open all day. She was cool about it, wasn't she? Stop creating and adding drama that isn't there.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 January 2015):
 Wait a second...
Have you NEVER MET her???
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 January 2015):
 I already told you how to make it up to her: Give her time. Time is what is needed. Give of yourself, stay in the relationship, treat her well over TIME. That's what you need to do. There's no quick fix for trust, trust just needs time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 January 2015):
 Tell her THAT. What you just wrote. Doesn't mean she will ever trust you 100% again, but MAYBE she will better understand your motivations.
LEARN from this. Don't be some knucklehead who think is LYING is OK, or that lying is better then the truth (because the truth might make you LOOK less them perfect). Lying isn't better. LEARN to be WHO you are, and BE honest, BE a decent human being.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (16 January 2015):
She's over it, YOU'RE NOT.
You don't need to "make it up to her" because she says she didn't mind it, but you do need to never do a "jokey test" like that again because you don't know when to stop.
Get professional help because you need to work out why you continued it and why you won't accept that it doesn't bother her - probably because it bothers you!
...............................
A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (16 January 2015):
Hnk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I don't think I had been pretending to be the perfect boyfriend. I had been myself but just this instance got over the line by far. I have never cheated in relationship before and I don't plan on doing so.I just lied to her about few things over social network and we were just laughing it off but the lying went too far from my side that she started to doubt me who I was in real(although it was planned and started as a joke but I didn't think it would go that far away like I'd mention tattoos that I actually don't have or tell her i am on drugs which i wasn't etc etc, I thought she knew I don't )I just couldn't face her today, and the guilt I finally realised is not only to the fact that I lied and sort of pretended who I was but ACTUALLY because how much she had faith in me as a person and how she looked up to me, I sort of blew it for mere sake of fun. Now how to make it up to her.Please help
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 January 2015):
That is NOT a prank, that is a mind-phuk! And so not OK.
Read YouWish's post till it sinks in.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 January 2015):
You didn't play a prank on your girlfriend. What you did was the farthest thing from a prank you can get, but you fell back on it as a "prank" so that you could get away with what you did in the disguise of "Hey! it was all a joke!"
You are one of the most insecure people I have seen here on DearCupid. You're so insecure that you'd "stress test" the relationship by seeing if she'd still love you even if she saw the real you...and you don't think much of the "real you".
You've been lying to her from day one, trying to show a perfect representation of yourself, seemingly flawless, the perfect boyfriend. You set up this little scheme as a "what if she saw the real me" situation, only to try to cover your own self when she reacted badly to it...understandably.
You were also testing her intelligence to see if you could get away with lying to her for an extended period of time because you believe that that's what you are -- a liar who doesn't deserve a girlfriend. Why else would you sabotage a good thing with her??
A guy who cares about a girl would be TRUE to her. The very thought that she could doubt him would be terribly emasculating to him. Trying to make her "doubt" you means you doubt yourself and are trying to avoid the rejection you think you will ultimately feel at her hands.
You feel guilty because you DO know that what you did was messed up. It was an immature way to try to get to know her. You make it right by BEING TRUE to her and to yourself. Stop putting up a false front and pretending to be what you're not. Not everyone can have this big glamorous exciting life. Someone will always be better than you. The whole "I don't deserve her" idiocy needs to be dealt with by YOU, or you won't be able to have anyone.
Tell her WHY you did that to her...and be vulnerable. It takes a real man to be honest with his feelings, and you can't handle yours for her...they're getting out of control for you and scaring you half to death.
Man up. You're not in middle school anymore, so no more "loyalty" tests. Ever.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): It sounds more like a head game than a prank. Which is probably why you're feeling guilty about it now. But i wonder why you did it because it seems like you are saboutaging yourself.
Maybe the best thing to do is to stop bringing it up in conversation with your girlfriend and make it up to her in other ways.
You might want to think about yourself as well, if its a confidence issue or a fear of being rejected thats making you push people away you can probably do something about it. Its hard to talk about that kind of thing sometimes but in the long run it might really help you.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 January 2015):
Dont be a chicken. Act like an adult and take responsibility, and dont do childish things like this again. Give your relationship time, thats what it takes to get better. Just time and patience.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2015): You sound like you're scouring for all the reasons under the sun for her to reject you. Ask yourself why you want to be dumped.
In future, don't ruin a good thing for a 2 minute laugh.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (16 January 2015):
You speak to a therapist.
This isn't messed up because she says it isn't, but you are projecting guilt on to yourself, do you need to see a professional for help.
...............................
|
