A
female
age
51-59,
*elschatbox
writes:Having trouble getting over someone I never met!HELP?Yes, I am married! I met someone online 6 months ago. We talked about everything under the sun. WE became great friends. We looked forward to chatting w/each other daily. Even though I was married we felt we had developed a great friendship and should meet face to face. WE swore nothing sexual would come from it. Well, one day we're making plans to meet and within 48 hours he tells me. He can't see us ever meeting while I am still married. Although, before he said I'd meet you if you had seven kids! We'll always be friends! Anyway, he said we can't talk on the phone anymore, we can IM rarely but we need to go back to getting to know one another as just friends. Well...I have tried that. I send emails. HE's never on IM anymore. And..he barely even writes me back! Can someone please tell me what they think may have happened here? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): Yes I can tell you what happened. The guy had a moment of moral clarity and wisdom.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): You have probably had a lucky escape. He didn't want anything further even if you had been single. It was just words on a screen. Sorry to be blunt but i think you are very in the wrong looking for someone else when you are married. Can you husband not work nearer and so you two can spend a normal marriage together? i think you need to work and build on your marriage. Don't go looking for trouble - it will come looking for you! A saying my mam always says to me!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): I think what happened is that this man came to his senses.
He realized that to meet you would be inviting trouble, and recognized that if he and you were tempted, it would be a betrayal of your marriage, and very wrong. Even if you met and did not get physical; if you "only" got emotionally involved, that is still a form of betrayal. Not QUITE so bad as actually sleeping with him, no, but bad because you are putting your energy and emotions where they don't belong.
I know you are upset that he has cut off contact, but really, you have to face it. This gives you an opportunity to work on your marriage and to have your relationship with your husband become more what you want it to be. TALK to your husband!
If need be, get into counselling - either individual, and/or joint counselling. If eventually you find that you have to give up on your marriage and seek divorce, at least you will have tried to save it, and THEN, only then, can you be free to form an attachment with another man.
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A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (18 January 2007):
melschatbox is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all! I am not an illogical gal, really I'm not. And, the last poster that said my marriage is missing something is totally dead on. He works out of state. He wasn't coming home but for 1 week a month. I didn't feel affection or nurturing from across the miles, and that's why I fell so hard for this online guy. I know it was teetering on the brink of trouble. I was sad, lonely, and feeling no warmth from home. NO excuses, just feelings. I suppose I should be thankful more didn't come from this..but the truth is I'm not. Now, I just keep questioning if he ever really valued the friendship and connection that we both thought we were making. Thanks again everyone, especially for not just insulting me! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007): Spiritual conviction?......Your I.M. friend may have started having feelings for you that involved more than just a simple friendship, so he put the brakes on to keep from committing adultery. (Yes, there are still people in this world that have Christian values.)
My question is this, perhaps if a man outside your marriage provided you with such a good friendship, it may be time to take a good look at the relationship you have with your spouse and figure out what's missing. If you are still in love with your husband, you really shouldn't need to have this type of friendship with another man. Perhaps what you're seeking is a form of closeness you don't have at home. If that's the case, then it's time to either take steps to bring yourself closer together as husband and wife, or move on. Usually when a woman seeks this type of close friendship with a man outside her marriage, it's a symptom of a bigger problem. Take it from someone who knows. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Well, I think he did the right thing. He saw what was coming. He probably already felt an attraction to you and cut it off before anything even started. He did the right thing.
I know it sucks because you thought you'd be getting a friend out of the situation, but there are more friends out there and do you really want to get involoved with the drama of having a guy like you when you're married? Probably not. It sucks.
Let it go, good has been done.
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (18 January 2007):
 I think what happened here is this guy all of sudden saw the consequences of hooking up with a married woman. Fair play to him really, he knocked it on the head before it went ot far.
How far was you going to take this, just meet up as friends? or was you looking for an affair?.
I know its not what you want to hear, but i think this guy did the right thing.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (18 January 2007):
 I think he maybe cares more for you than just friends and hes trying to unattach himself, i thik he wishes more would happen thats why he doesnt want to meet you whilst being married (its only a theory). as time passes things change yes he said he would meet you know matter what but maybe hes been thinking about it and it wont work because maybe he wants more than you can give, hence the no calls an hardly on IM...thats my theory xxx A
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Can't say why he did this but I'm glad he did and you should be glad too. Now you can stop this online nonsense and start looking after you husband and children. Close call.
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