A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a guy. I don't really think I have a problem but I'm getting into a situation.My thing is I can only have sex with a girl once. After that, I'm not interested anymore and I just move on to the next one. This one girl that I did is now going around school saying that I'm a user. I don't here to stop talking about me. I treat girls with respect after I've been with them. I just don't want to do them a 2nd time.Why is she so pissed? I don't try to deceive anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI called her. It was tough to say I was sorry and that I know I handled the relationship wrong. She was hostile for a while but we actually ended up talking for like 1.5 hours. We're acutally going out again on the weekend.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 I know this is not going to be a heartfelt sorry. "I'll try to." "She felt misled." "How was I supposed to know?" All these show you are not owning up to your actions. Simply say I am sorry I made a mistake. It's dearcupid's fault that you can't do another girl? Why blame us? It's 34 B who's doing the right thing by telling 36 C, not us. Trying to instill guilt by saying we made you look like a loser?
Therapists would refuse to treat you because you already know how typical people think. All you have to do is copy and paste what you have been told and repeat that to the therapist and show him that you know what normal is.
All you care about is how you can score. You will go to great lengths about how to achieve what you want, as long as you don't get caught.
I'd rather have you not do another girl than to have girls feel, "I am never going to have sex or touch a man again, because he did this to me (left me and made me feel used)."
You are still young. When you get older you will be more confident, and make up your own rules. That's when you become dangerous.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Oh... look at that.. 100 posts over nothing at all..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): OK people, I'm an anonymous female from way back when; haven't posted in a while but this thread is too good to pass up, so I will now try to lift my gigantic knockers off my keyboard and type a response using only my rock-hard nipples.
I'm calling BS on him. The original poster is a poseur - a fake - a wannabe. Guys who truly have this attitude and mack skills are never sitting around feeling bad about it and asking for remedy. This kid is talking like he gets more ass than a toilet seat, but in reality has probably never gotten his wee-wee wet with anything other than hand lotion. I think the real guy's lack of cooz has led him to create his own alter ego who gets to be a real swordsman, and seeing his "sexploits" in written form on here makes the fantasy seem a little more real to him. This enormously long thread and all the concerned responses have probably got him in a frenzy of cock-stroking for 2 days now. I think we all need to suggest he puts his peter to bed.
And for you men on here, correct me if wrong about this but: although I know many of you guys love the magic of the breasts, I had the impression that when a very young guy gets this close to the pink, that little gem is seared into his brain much quicker than nipple size. And so far, our OP seems to have recalled and registered that particular lady bit as no stronger word than "it" (as in "get out of it").
I'll call it like I see it - this kid has boobies on his brain, all lined up by cup size. But in reality, he probably wouldn't recognize titty size if he got slapped in the face by a pair.
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (8 April 2010):
Whatever man. Women are human beings they deserve to be treated like you would treat anyone else
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, I'll try to tell her I'm sorry because she felt I misled her. If I look such a total loser that I never do another girl in my life, it's your guys who caused it.
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female
reader, 1sadwoman +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Wow! I quickly scanned most of the replies and seriously found what Soon567 had to say as being SPOT ON!! Think you nailed it dude!
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 April 2010):
I don't think you are a bad person, just totally clueless. So becoming a better person probably means nothing to you. Develop your emotional and nurturing side. There is nothing more empowering than being able to take care of a woman emotionally.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Sorry, I just read this and have to comment.
I have a work collegue, who was/is just like you. He doesn't see a problem with his behaviour. He chases girls sleeps with them, and they never hear from him again, because he has moved on to the next one. He woo's them, chases them for days, weeks, until he gets what he wants, then as soon as he does the deed, he leaves them straight after. He has in the past walked out when a girl was in the shower, he has got up and dressed while she was still lying in bed. He has even done one then gone back out to look for another. He is now 31, and is still continuing this behaviour. He is also single, having never had a proper long term relationship in his life. I tell you this, as a warning for the future. You are only what, 16-17? How many girls have you slept with and left lying in the bed?
His behaviour is all about him. As long as he gets a bit of skirt, he doesnt care. But he doesnt go out with the intention of finding a girlfriend, but ALL the girls without fail fall for him. They all want to see him again. They all want to date him. And they are all heartbroken when he just "does them" and walks away. He has no feelings for them at all. He just uses them for sex, plain and simple.
But, he is so pig headed, he cannot see that he is misleading these girls. They sleep with him because they fall for his charms, and they do think that it is the start of something more... than a one night stand. But that is the point, he doesnt tell them it will only be one night. He schmoozes, and he woo's and he says all the right things, and pushes all the right buttons, BUT he doesn't tell them that it will only be a one night thing. Yes they enjoy themselves, but they wake up and realised they have been used as a cheap prostitute.
That is what I want you to think about. Sex to girls means more than just a roll in the sack. It is about emotion, and a connection. The hormones in a woman after sex make her want to stay with that man, so the hurt you cause when you dont even want to look at them after sex cannot be described. You make them feel cheap, dirty and above all, used.
If you tried to keep your penis in your pants and talked to a girl before you "did her", maybe she would realise that all you wanted was sex. Next time you try this, tell her straight out, all you want is sex. One night, once only. See what happens. I bet you, no woman would go with you.
That is because most girls have feelings, and morals. Girls get labelled as sluts and whores if they sleep about. Most girls wouldnt have sex on a first date. If they do, it is because they think it might lead to something more.
All you want is a girl to play a prostitute for you, yet you wont admit to this. You see girls as objects, as tits. They do not have faces, they do not have names, they do not even have personalities. They are just something to get you off. This makes you a user. This is why your last lay is running around telling people what you are like. Girls stick together, and when they see a guy being trouble, they will share the information. If she is friends with this new girl you have your eye on, she will not want her to get HURT by you. She knows you will shag her and leave, and no girl wants that. NO GIRL WANTS A REPUTATION FOR BEING EASY. You are bad news. Apart from the fact, that even if you are careful with condoms, they are not always 100% safe, so there is a high chance you could get one of them pregnant, or give them something nasty. It only takes one condom to break.....
So, you have sex then run away. No way would you stay around long enough to find out if you were a father, and there is no way you would stick around and support the girl. They are only trying to have a bit of self preservation.
Next time, go and pay a prostitute, if sex is all you want. But I bet you wouldnt do that if you had to PAY for it would you?
Have a bit of consideration for other people, be more respectful to women, ie LEARN THEIR NAMES.
I really do suggest you go and get some Professional counselling, as I think you will benefit from it. This is not a lifestyle or a mentality you can keep up for the rest of your life. It will only hinder you in the future, and do you really want to be a 30 year old with a list of women that runs into the hundreds, but no decent woman who wants to spend the time of day with you?
Its up to you. YOU are the only one who can decide.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 April 2010):
You are thinking, you enjoyed yourself, I enjoyed myself, what's the problem? The problem is that when you have sex with a person she feels like an object when you don't get to know the insides of a person. Like you remember them by their bra size. They are no more than a number to you. I know you don't feel that way but when you move on just like that, that's what you are making them think.
It seems like in your mind, there are only two kinds of females, the one you have sex with, the other is your friend, anything more than that is just too complicated and therefore do not exist.
Paul McCartney could have paid whores who charge him 4000 an hour everyday, and could have saved a fortune than splitting half of his money to his ex-wife. Why did he get married at the first place? It's totally unnecessary. He's taking a chance at love. Prostitutes are girls with numbers attached to them, 3 holes you can use on their bodies, and nothing else. Still, a lot of men can't handle more than just numbers, because they can't figure a woman out, don't know how to make a woman happy, don't know who they are as an identity. Remember, when there is no "I", you can never say I Love You.
So before you go to bed with a girl, make sure she knows the truth, which is, you are not ready for a relationship. So that she doesn't think she's just a number to you. There are no excuses. "Let's just have fun and enjoy the moment". That's too much like a reptilian way of thinking. You see. You do. Fight or flight. It's true women have a more developed emotional side. We like men to have a sensitivity to our womanly nature so they can understand us better, and not just pound us when they feel like it.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 April 2010):
TELL THE GIRLS YOU ONLY DO IT ONCE, THEN YOU GOT TO HIT AND RUN....
You'll loose a couple of innocent ones, but you'll still have plenty of girls, they will think your sexy and they'll still line up, hoping they can be the one to change you.
Say sorry to 34b, tell her your a travelling man and you can't be tied down, but you respect her lots and she's a beautiful girl, inside and out...
AND DROP THE BRA SIZE NAMING THING.... It makes me want to punch your lights out.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 April 2010):
The young guy just knows the right words to say, he's being nice to us because he wants us to tell him what to say to get 34b of his back.
pppfff... he wants us to clear the way so he can get 36C in the sack.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 April 2010):
 May I just say, as I rejoin this thread, ahem, Not My Name, that was AWESOME.
OP (that's original poster, in case you were wondering why you're expected to answer to a name from The Andy Griffith Show), I applaud you for having the cojones to come back here and start to sort this out. Q has been an advocate for you, for sure (I think it's because he is technically still maturing out of his teens).
I have to laugh at the teen drama: "worst person in the world". Hon, there's something that you don't quite realize yet. I'll let you in on a little secret. Okay, here it is. Us old people? The ones with gray hairs and wrinkles and invitations from AARP? *lowering voice to a whisper* we were teenagers once too... we didn't spring fully grown from infancy, bypass those formative teen years and crash directly into the incontinence products aisle at the supermarket.... no, we actually lived through the enormous changes that occur when we go through puberty and start to figure out this whole sex thing... some of us actually remember what it was like. Q's livin' it each and every day, methinks.
So, see, the thing is? You can't bullshit us. We have been the BSer, so we know when we are the BSee. And your tale of woe basically was a lot of teen drama and angst, caused by a hormonal tendency to be incapable of actually putting oneself in someone else's shoes.
You have taken the first steps of one of life's most important lessons. Now do it right. We don't care if you sleep with this girl again, we don't care if you don't want to sleep with this girl again, we honestly don't care if you get laid twelve times a day or if you never get laid again. What we care about is that you understand that misleading people is lying to them, it IS a bad thing and you shouldn't be doing it to get laid. That's low, that's really low.
So yeah, you should apologize to the girl who is spreading the information about you because then you have a chance of redeeming yourself. You don't have to go out with her, you don't have to ask her to prom. You do have to do the grown up thing and behave like a decent human being, instead of the amoral phallic doofus you were exemplifying.
Just be honest. "This is just a bit of fun for me, I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't want a girlfriend, and that's the truth."
Oh, and for the record, calling a girl by her bra size IS insulting. No matter how much you insist it isn't, trust me, it IS.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, ok since everyone here is piling on and accusing me of being the worst human being in human history, I want to ask what I should do now. Maybe I can admit that I have not been treating every girl fairly (although I've been much nicer and more of a gentleman to the girls than ANYONE here is giving me credit for!!!!) Personally, I think it can be flattering that I remember a girl's exact bra size and the type of nipples. Some husband's don't even know their wive's bra size. But ok, I admit that I haven't been doing things right, ok? I didn't realize it would hurt the girls since they always seem to enjoy it when we're together. But I have to admit that if everyone on this site sees it a certain way, they're probably at least a bit right.
So, what do I do now? How do I become a better guy? If you want me to apologize to 34b, I'll do it. But I'm not interested in going out with her again.
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 At the end of the day, if you think you are being respectful, and doing nothing wrong, then keep 'doing' them, ... and let their criticism be water of a ducks back. Your not doing anything wrong - right?
If you are not misrepresenting the situation and your intentions, and still getting all these women, then does it matter what 34B is telling 36C? All these other girls are still sleeping with you knowing you literally wont remember their name in the morning- right?
Or is it?
Your beef seems to be that 36C has been given a heads up on how she will be treated - which suggests that you yourself are not letting them know upfront, that you are not being honest, that you are not being respectful, and that you are infact a decietful player using whatever means at your disposal to obtain self gratification irrespective of what harm you may be causing these girls.
I don't think anyone really cares that you sleep with lots of girls, or sleep with them once, ..I certainly don't, ... only that you are upfront about your intentions so these girls can sleep with you forewarned and knowing what they are getting in to so that they are not feeling hurt, used, and discarded after the fact.
If you were upfront, you would not be getting called a user, other girls would not be getting warned to avoid you, and you would not be here thinking it is unfair.
Perhaps you are worried that you wont get to 'do' them at all if you are honest with them upfront about them being passing conquests? Perhaps something has happened in your life that makes it scary for you to have any real connection to anyone? If so, I feel sorry for you and suggest you get to the root of the problemm so you don't end up sabotaging your future happiness. Your probably not going to be able to pull women so casually all your life, lies or truth, and may even one day want to have someone special who thinks the same of you, and may find yourself ill equipped to handle that level of bonding. That would be pretty sad and lonely as a long term prospect.
I do have to say too, that your unfortunate desire to discard women after one encounter is possibly going to backfire on you one day when you horror of horrors actually do have meaningful feelings for someone, want to keep them, and find you are having problems in the bedroom. Guys like you, that are focused on self gratification are usually greedy and terrible lovers simply because they are in it for themselves, never learn the finer points of a woman body and how to pleasure them (coz they are not interested in learning to pleasure anyone but themselves) and then wake up one day when they are 30+ and find out they are not the casanova they deluded themselves that they were, when their new found love is having issues because she is not being sexually satisfied. You will never learn so much how to pleasure a woman than when you have a long term committed relationship where trust and openess has been built up enough for her to let you in on all the little thing. Let's hope your not there one day thrusting, donkey licking, fumbling with your hands and wondering why she is not having her mind blown, ... or worse, looking for satisfaction elsewhere and breaking your heart!
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 April 2010):
There is a solution to your problem. It's called integrity. Live with it. And now, I have done what I can here, so now I say goodnight, Gracie.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): i just read your original post again and the only question you asked was, why is 34b pissed. The reason, is she feels used. You can do and say whatever you want, but this behavior will come back and bite you in the end.(pun intended) the bottom line is that you dont offend the sisterhood. We watch out for each other. To be honest we love badboys. But we want them to love us, or at the very least like us. And believe me we know. We dont expect commitment, but we expect them to hang around at least until the wet spot dries. And as q said, remember us with fondness down the road, maybe even have an encore. Theres just something about a guy...q talks about women like he loves them. Thats why he is liked on here. But you dont see a woman as a beauty who catches your eye, only to become distracted as another appears. You arent the kid in a candy store mouth watering to taste them all. You just want to take a bite out of every chocolate in the box, and then turn up your nose at them all...throw the box down and sulk because none of them suited you. And dont even try saying you are respectful. Saying "please," and "no, thank you" just dont qualify. ,No wonder the girls are putting out warning signs. Do not feed the bear....
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reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 April 2010):
First you said you might have a problem, then you try to justify by saying most guys are this way. So why need our compassion? I don't think guys can fake this and go through marriage. Prostitutes exist because some men don't know how to ask women out properly, don't have love to give and are too desperate so they go that route. They think sex alone can fill a void.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): The problem, Tisha, is that he is lying to himself too and now he is finally getting caught in the web he has himself spun. The entire reference to bra sizes by the aunts was meant as ironic, but since irony seems far-fetched, are you seriously telling me that you don't remember the girls' names? You have these women classified by bra sizes in your head and you still don't think this type of thinking is dysfunctional and in need of professional scrutiny? And don't come back with the same exhaustive "I don't remember anything else...sorry not my fault." You and I both know is what you choose to remember- if you dig deeply enough I know you have all the details about this girls (names, bio. color of the dresses they wore when you first met them) but you CHOOSE to suppress that all once you've slept with them because you think that somehow your self-induced amnesia is going to justify- or at least dismiss- your treatment of them. Because you know is fundamentally wrong. Now, you are finding it difficult to escape from this fact. And you don't like it.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 April 2010):
Sorry, ha! You've just described them as 34C and 36C and you think you're treating them with respect! Ha! Oh dear, you really are disconnected from anyone's feelings but your own, aren't you?
You're lying to them, aren't you? You may think you treat them with respect after you have sex with them, but you are lying to them to get them to have sex.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (7 April 2010):
ah... not disgusting then, just boredom... that's a relief...
34b is totally right to warn 36c and every other girl about the way you are... since you've got nothing to be ashamed of, she's helping you out by telling other girls the truth.
Problem solved as far as I'm concerned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question34b is telling 36c that I only use girls. As I said, I think she's wrong. I've always tried to treat girls with respect.
I think you guys are making too much of my feelings. I don't think it's some complicated psychological thing. Maybe disgusting was too strong. It's like once I ejaculate, I feel I don't really need this, why do I go through the trouble, I'd rather be playing basketball with my friends. But then I see a new girl, these feelings disappear and I start all over again. All I can think about is how much I want to do her. That's the way I am with 36C now. I really want to be with her.
I've never discussed it in so much detail, but I don't think it's that much different from other guys. Isn't that why there are female prostitutes and not so many male ones, that guys need a lot of sex partners. This isn't something to discuss with my parents.
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reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 April 2010):
I don't think he has problems being friends with girls, he just can't have sex again once it becomes platonic. He can remain friends with that girl, but have to look elsewhere for sex. Logically, the same girl feeling rejected, wouldn't want to stay friends with him.
Sexual aversion disorder means someone who's too frigid to have sex because it would be a distressing experience that brings about a panic attack. Clearly this is not the case with OP. Like if someone gave me a thousand dollars to screw a guy I am totally unattracted to. I would feel disgusted but won't have a panic attack. If that guy is a billionaire and proposed to me I would be able to live with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): i wonder if you have a good relationship with any women? maybe it is something subconsciously punishing the female population? i have been reading this thread and i think there have been some awesome things said.
about the girl(34b) that is "ruining your chances with the other girl (36c)..what is b telling c? if she is telling her that you have a good game but it is only played once...then i would say that she is being fair. in fact you said yourself that you dont intend to play round two...why would you mind that the girl knows and has a choice of whether to play the games by your rules. honestly i dont see why this is not fair.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
Yep, we're just a little worried.... girls and sex shouldn't disgust you, unless your having sex with girls that you and your community have no respect for.
Do you have any girls as friends, just friends, or dose the sex issue make this impossible?
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
Janniepeg please read the answers more carefully... very few people have "freaked out" because he only "does a girl once"... we are just upset that he hasn't been honest with the girls he is screwing.
He can screw the whole world, but if the girls don't know he's like this, then they will feel used and abused.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 "After I ejaculate into the girl, I'm already thinking, this is disgusting I have to get it out. This is awkward because the girl is still pulling me toward her. I've somehow crossed over to the other side. I thought most guys were like that."
No most guys are not like that. Orgasm releases chemicals that are intended to bring us closer to the other person. To make us feel more connected. Not less. Even with what's clearly just a one night stand, there isn't a feeling of disgust. Just a sense that it didn't mean very much, although hopefully it was nice for the brief time it lasted.
What you're experiencing sounds pretty complex. Without knowing anything of your background and family circumstances, it would be wild guesswork to say much more.
In the mean time, I suggest you try abstaining from sex for a while and seeing if you can cultivate any intimate friendships with girls. As in: get to know them, find ways to share your feelings, your fears and hopes, whilst keeping the relationships non-sexual. You might find you become drawn to someone for who she is as a person, rather than just because your basic sexual urges are being triggered.
And whatever you do, I believe you owe it to any girl you're planning on having sex with to warn her that you're not likely to want it more than once. Do this openly BEFORE you have sex. Otherwise you're inflicting your issue on a bunch of unsuspecting young girls, and no doubt causing a world of hurt in the process.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
I agree that there is a deeper psychological complex or syndrome or disorder here, if this is what happens to him.
OP, I think it's time you have a discussion with your parents, at least one of your parents and tell them you have some issues you need professional help with.
Or talk to your family doctor and see if you can't get a referral through him or her. This is going to be something you need to deal with, one way or another, because you are already being labeled.
May I make a practical suggestion, just as a start? Change your language. Select different words, neutral words that do not connote rape or disrespect, to describe your sexual activities. Words that are not loaded with a secondary meaning that makes you sound like an insensitive jerk. Just for now.
One of those things I've come to learn from yoga is that energy follows thought. If you think in a certain way, you will wind up heading that way.
You lack empathy as well, something I'm not too surprised at. I wonder if you have other issues surrounding your childhood, upbringing or family situation. All this needs to be brought up with a mental healthcare professional.
Do you lack impulse control? I'm serious, this is not a jie at you. If you do have control of your impulses, my advice would be to stop having sex with girls for the time being (and stop using the word "do" or "doing" to describe sex with girls). Go find the last girl, the one who is talking you down, go apologize, grovel if you have to. Tell her you just didn't know what to do and that you are sorry that you hurt her.
You do realize you hurt her, don't you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): " Maybe I do have an issue and the 1-nighters are not right (often it's more like 2 hours, not a full night). After I ejaculate into the girl, I'm already thinking, this is disgusting I have to get it out. This is awkward because the girl is still pulling me toward her. I've somehow crossed over to the other side. I thought most guys were like that"It sounds like once you have reached orgasm, you suddenly feel repulsed by this woman's sexual organs...and eventually the woman herself because you are not able to have sex with her again. It almost sounds like once she has been ejaculated into, you deem her too polluted to repeat the sexual act. It sounds to me like you have a case of SEXUAL AVERSION DISORDER. In your case, it would be aversion to female genitalia following the sexual act. Sexual aversion disorders are listed under sexual dysfunction. You may google it if you wish because I am not an expert on the subject, but since it is affecting you psychosomatically, and can seriously impair your sexual life in the future as well as your psychological well-being you should consult a professional on health issues. Good luck to you.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 April 2010):
If that's how your brain is wired, and assuming you've had no trauma, no abuse in childhood, you have to accept you are a little different. Psychology has not come up with a term for people like you, not that I know of. I believe men and women who are strictly one timers exist but are afraid to come out to be ridiculed. From all the answers you see you know how typical people think. There is no use in trying to get people to understand you when they freak out at you being different. You know you are not going to get married in the future. If you don't want to deceive anyone, the only choices you have are drunken girls in clubs and bored desperate housewives who feel sorry for you. Maybe you want to write a detailed subject about this and form an online group for one timers only. See how many members you gathered. It would be helpful if you develop a career which let you travel a lot. You eventually run out of girls in your city.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2010):
"After I ejaculate into the girl, I'm already thinking, this is disgusting I have to get it out. This is awkward because the girl is still pulling me toward her. I've somehow crossed over to the other side. I thought most guys were like that."
I'm not laughing anymore.... feeling bored is one thing, but "disgusted" is a whole other thing.....
Your not ashamed of sex, you say you like girls, so what the hell is going on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneyeswideopen (cool handle): Yes, I guess I'd have to do her. But I'd do the responsible thing and wait 24 hours. Guys, please, I'm not an animal!q1605: I know what you're saying, but I just don't think I could do her. As I said, it would be like screwing my sister. Just not right.Tisha: Maybe I do have an issue and the 1-nighters are not right (often it's more like 2 hours, not a full night). After I ejaculate into the girl, I'm already thinking, this is disgusting I have to get it out. This is awkward because the girl is still pulling me toward her. I've somehow crossed over to the other side. I thought most guys were like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): Tisha. I am beginning to visualize you as an AMAZON QUEEN. Young man, you better take her words to heart because she's spoken more truth about your relationships and concept of women in one thread, then you probably were given all your life. With a lifetime ahead of you, this mode of thinking will be either reinforced or repressed until it's gone (the latter most likely). However, I wish it rather be your choice rather than consequence of ostracism from social circles...because, believe me, people will shun you once they've grown familiar with your attitude towards your partners. I don't mean just women either. I mean men, as well- fathers, brothers, sons, husbands. People whose fates are intertwined with women, which is ...everyone. Including you.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Here's one: You have an uncurable disease, but there is one female pharmeceutical researcher who has found the cure. In fact she's gotten okay to use it on a human but the medicine needs another 24 hours to be ready for use. You go to meet her and she's smoking hot because she has 38DD's with large nipples. While in her laboratory the powers goes off and the next thing you know she's in your arms and says she totally wants you. And since, and I quote a famous horndog, "It's not easy to stop once it's in motion, for me or for the girl." Do you DO her or not?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
And thank you for using condoms. Your responsibility in that area now may save some girls from future cervical cancer or chronic pelvic inflammatory disease or impaired fertility. That is a responsible thing to do, and I applaud you for recognizing that.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
Clearly, I'm not getting my point across. You are fine with sex, you have no problem having it (once) with the girl. The girls who have no expectations beyond having sex with you once will have no problem with you.
You're the one who has a girl who is now calling you a user. Why is she doing that? Obviously, her expectations of what was going to happen afterwards was different. Verbally or nonverbally, you communicated with her.
My point is that you are looking at this ONLY from your standpoint. I am trying to get you to look at this from the girl's point of view. Boys and girls are different. Do you think you can put yourself in her shoes and understand why she is angry with you?
I don't see you being able to do that. I see you defending your actions but I don't see you understanding that your actions, words and implications led to a situation where the girl expected more.
If the girls understood that you were good for sex only once and then you'd move on, there would be no misunderstandings.
I think you are leading them on, I think you are creating an expectation of more than just one-off sex, and I think you are lying to yourself about it and trying to lie to us about it.
If everything was just fine, you wouldn't be here with this issue. I'm not even clear what the issue is for you right now.
You like "doing" girls and physically, they seem to enjoy it too. Emotionally, there's a different situation, isn't there? That's what you are ignoring, that's what you hope will go away. One girl however, has decided that you are a user and has ruined your chance to "do" another girl by telling this other girl that you are good for only one sexual encounter.
For girls, sex has an emotional component. This is how we are wired. Just as you seem to be wired to only manage to have sex once, girls find sex to be a bonding experience. We tend to want more contact with the guy (unless he was totally awfu) and your actions, which is complete and utter withdrawal to a platonic state is going to confuse and upset the girl.
So in order for you to have sex without this upset and confusion, you need to be honest with the girl in advance.
Do you understand that point? Talk first? Explain things first? THEN sex? Is that so difficult to follow?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionq1605- I have to admit I don't understand much of wht you say about ID. I'll try to read about it sometime.Tisha- Yes, I use condoms. I know that's important. Maybe you just disapprove of me because you're not as free about sex as I am. I really like doing girls and they seem to like it too. Isn't that OK?
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (6 April 2010):
I suggest watching the latest southpark Episode: Sexual Healing (season 14.1). It explains why all men are sex addicts and behave this way. Apparently we have been infected by a virus created by magical aliens. The good news: it's curable.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
You would like us to show compassion, I understand that. Can you show compassion to these girls?
Condoms?
Do you get that if you are honest up front about this issue you won't be tagged as a user?
Do you want to fix this issue or are you just irritated that you won't bag the next one who's been scared off?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, Ok, everyone seems to think they can have a field day piling on. I posted here and tried to be as honest as possible. I wanted to seek advice. I admitted I have a lot of flaws.
So what's the response? Many of you just want to turn me into a joke. I don't know why you guys don't think I have feelings.
For the record: I don't want to hurt any girls. I just lose interest after the 1st time. I'm not able to do it again. I've admitted that it might be a problem and I've sought advice. Show a little compassion, guys.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
New message.. AUNT'S HIDE YOUR BRA SIZE.. NEGATIVE TEN (Q) IS AROUND AND THE POOR DOGGY IS GETTING EXCITED AGAIN...
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
38DD here,
Sorry, Q's the guy whose dick size is 10inches smaller than he thinks it is, just in case you got confused about who is talking to you.
Hey, what do you do when the girls put on weight or loose weight.. I used to be 34A, then 36C now 38DD... how do you keep this naming thing straight.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
'Q.. this one's a pig, you and a lot of guys are dogs, but we like dogs and are fond of them.. Pigs smell like shit and pigs do anything... now if only he could be honest like you and make them girls realise that a date with him is a roll in the mud.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2010):
Q, you are absolutely right. There is a little of this guy in all the men we know. We know you THINK like this, but you've been smartened up and some of you can actually look at things from the side of the person who has the breasts growing from the chest. The thing is, this one needs some socialization or he's going to go through life wondering why things are happening to him.
I had so many things I wanted to get across to him but I need to know he's listening. I also want to know if he's using condoms. If we manage to help him, he's going to be back out there, sharing microbes with girls, one after another.
The language he uses reveals a lot about his approach to this. I couldn't resist copy/pasting the relevant language into a list, so we can lay it out:
---------------
This one girl that I did is now going around school
I just don't want to do them a 2nd time.
She was really fun, 34B very big nipples and all, but I just don't want to do her again
I was getting close to getting this 36C (I think) girl to go out with me and 34B turned her off
it's 100% platonic from the moment I pull it out of her.
as soon as I've done her and we go outside, I'm looking around for another target.
I don't know if I could go out with a girl and not think about trying to do her. 1 thing leads to another. It's not easy to stop once it's in motion, for me or for the girl
But with girls, the thing I can always remember is size/shape/type of tits, even if I did the girl a long time ago.
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He "does" girls. He looks for "targets". The "it's not easy to stop once it's in motion" has me a bit concerned. That's a bit like something a rapist would say. It's also couched in the passive tense, which is the coward's way of passing off responsibility. "It's a mystery how that got there, officer." It's like saying "things happen" (only remove the n and the g from 'things' and rearrange). What he really means is that he gets into it, he doesn't WANT to stop it, he propels this thing along until he's "done" another girl. *shudder*
I have this thing about words and what they convey. I don't expect this kid to say "we made love" but it would be nice for him to say "we had sex" instead of "I did her." I think some of these guys learn about sex from porno and other guys and frankly, some of the language is really off-putting for most women. "Blew my load down her throat" was a recent example in another post. Ah, how descriptive. It makes the female entity in these encounters sound like some sort of receptacle. There's a level of selfishness to it that really sets my teeth on edge. I try not to react to it when I see it, but when I see it, that guy is classified for me as a crude and selfish lover. Hey, I don't even want to use the word "lover" to describe the image one gets; there's no "love" in the encounter, other than possibly the self-love kind.
I know, guys approach sex differently, I know the thought processes are different, I know there's a visual component and there's a difference in physiology and response, blah blah blah. I just would to see this young man take a good look at his approach to these girls and maybe even see himself as they see him. He doesn't strike me as a good listener at the moment and I know hormones are in full force at his age, but can we get him to at least use quasi-respectful terminology?
I can just imagine the words he's using with his buddies, which then get reported to girlfriends and friends who are girls, and this guy is going to sound like a major user. He "does" girls, for pity's sake. It's not sexy, it's not arousing, it's plain rude.
Do you think it's possible for this guy NOT to have sex with a girl, once he gets her alone? Do you think he has the self-control to refrain from letting things take their course? Remember, "I don't know if I could go out with a girl and not think about trying to do her. 1 thing leads to another. It's not easy to stop once it's in motion, for me or for the girl." Someone has to do that one thing, then choose to continue with the next and so on. This isn't some windup doll or computer that goes mindlessly through its programming. HE'S the one who initiates it, it doesn't "just happen." There is actual choice and decisions made, even if he doesn't want to acknowledge that.
He can't remember the girls name, fine, I can't remember everyone's name either. But I try. And these last two girls, their names or hair color or age or clothes, he DOES remember. He just chose to describe them by bra size. That's just rude, sorry, that's just plain disrespectul. Just because he doesn't intend it to be doesn't make it less rude. In some way, it makes it worse. He cannot see past the breasts when thinking about these girls. We are more than the size of our bras. And you know what, the girls who have really large breasts at a young age? We HATE them, because it makes guys think we WANT attention on our breasts. We DON'T. (Sorry, that's just an aside. A distraction to the real point.)
He thinks he doesn't deceive them because he's not signing contracts or telling them he's going to date them. He's doing SOMETHING and saying SOMETHING to get these girls to go to bed with him. He's implying or hinting, verbally or nonverbally, that there's going to be more. If he really wants to end the "user" label, he's going to have to stop doing that and be clear about his intentions. It's the misunderstanding that he is playing off to get sex. If he doesn't see that, then he's got bigger problems, as you pointed out.
He KNOWS he won't want to be with the girl again. He KNOWS he has this issue. So witholding that from the girls is a form of deceit. If she's a fun-loving, partying, no-strings kind of girl, she won't mind, she'll be relieved it's just for fun. It's the other girls who are looking for more he has to worry about. And the best way to ensure he's made the right selection is to be honest and upfront about it. To actually say it outloud. Then no one can cry "foul", no one can complain he's a "user". It's pretty straightforward.
So, yes, I appreciate that he is just being honest with us. But we're not the ones he has sex with and then shuts off on once he "pulls it out". THOSE are the ones he should be 'fessing up to. And that needs to happen before he "sticks it in".
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): your reputation precedes you now. You will find your pool of candidates to be severely downsized henceforth. LOl
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
Hi 38DD here again,
Mrs No Bra size (who we love and call Tish) has remind me of one very important thing... You are using condoms I hope.. otherwise I'll have to rename you as "Disease carrier" and will have to thank 34B for saving a lot of lives.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2010):
"Why is she so pissed? I don't try to deceive anyone."
Actually, you do. You don't tell them that you never "do" anyone twice. Lie of omission. Big lie. Big fat lie. So don't pretend you're not lying or deceiving them. You are.
So then, you ARE a user. She's not lying about that. Why would you be upset if she is merely pointing out the truth?
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
Tish.. HE CAN'T REMEMBER YOU IF YOU DON'T PUT DOWN A BRA SIZE... (sigh, why are women so stupid)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
'titty meter jerk'.. yes not my name.. I also forget peoples name.. I was thinking about calling him.. "user and abuser in denial and lying", but that's too long... I think "titty jerk meter" is a fine name and one I'll remember forever.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2010):
Condoms?
Empathy?
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
Dear uncles, this poster has a problem with names.. us aunts are willing to help out by describing ourselves only in bra size... don't confuse him, he dosen't know who is talking.. please help by identifying yourself by dick size so he can remember who we all are.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 April 2010):
Hi.. 38DD here, (don't bother with my name case you won't remember it)
Why are you resistant to telling girls that your the kind of guy who screws once and then runs away. That's the truth, it's honest, just tell the girls that and then your problems are solved.
And the girl who is telling people what your like, she's not trying to destroy your life, she's just being honest. You have a problem with names. Don't try so hard, call all girls by their breast size, tell them you up to now, you loose intrest and only want to remain friends as soon as you pull out, and then you'll be honest, the girls will understand and all your problems will disappear.
We are not judging you, we are only asking you to tell the girls (who don't have names but bra sizes) about yourself, the way you think and the type of guy you are.
At the moment, your only concern is that may restrict your sex life. But that means you prefer to lie and hide and make these poor girls think your a very different type of man.
Tell the truth, all of it, just like you told us... then you'll only screw girls who will never say anything bad about you.
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (5 April 2010):
Asking for advice is the first step. Listening is the next. I suggest working on that part.
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female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (5 April 2010):
Oh, .... it's 34D here (never mind my name - just want you to 'respect' me and make a proper respectful association in your brain) ... screw anything else I am about, .. paying that much attention would be too hard basket yeah?, ... so I'll remember you as 'titty meter jerk' - fair is fair huh lol?
I really can't believe you are taking offence to your conquests discussing your treatment and discardment of them! If you dont like it - then dont do it! simple! However, if that is how you operate, so be it, dont be shy about it, full disclosure my friend, and certainly dont expect these girls to not make moral judgements upon you and your actions!
Do you really think your player status stacks up against their 'used' status??? Poor, poor you!
May god - if there is a god - give you ED, so you learn to appreciate women for the aspects that dont involve you getting in their pants.
Silly silly girls, .. tell em to drop into DC so we can talk some sense in to them - hopefully before they let you damage them!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionq1605- It's like, as soon as I've done her and we go outside, I'm looking around for another target. It's not that I wanna be that way. I don't think it's a choice on my part. I'm just wired that way.
marieclaire- I think you're really hostile to me. I'm trying to be upfront and honest. I NEVER tell the girl that we're going to be going out on a regular basis. You've called me a user and obnoxious. Look, I'm not perfett when it comes to relationships, I know that. Are you perfect? Can't you just relax and try to understand me . . . If I met you, I'm sure you would think I'm polite and respectful, really.
Tisha- I don't know if I could go out with a girl and not think about trying to do her. 1 thing leads to another. It's not easy to stop once it's in motion, for me or for the girl. About the nipples, let me explain: I play basketball and 1 guy scores a lot and always remembers how many points he has at any moment in the game. I can never remember. But with girls, the thing I can always remember is size/shape/type of tits, even if I did the girl a long time ago. So I don't mean it in any disrespectful way. I just remember it over any other details. I'll forget the name but never the other thing.
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (5 April 2010):
When I was your age I thought I was the king at digging a hole. it is with "force" I must pass that crown to you
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2010):
I'm sure the one with the big nipples would be thrilled that her private details are being shared with us here on DC. I think the problem you have is that you're so afraid of maybe having someone rely on you or come to have expectations of you in a relationship that your "flee" instinct kicks in the second you have had what you wanted. I'm pretty sure the girls suffer AFTER you "pull it out of them" because you haven't disclosed that you're relationship-disabled. (That's the politically correct way of saying you have no interest in trying to get to know someone once you've bagged 'em.)
My suggestion is if you are serious about trying to find out why this is happening is to not have sex with th girl. If you do, warn her of your short attention span before you have sex; that would be the gentlemanly thing to do. Perhaps having to explain what's going to happen the second you "pull out" might give the girl second thoughts of letting you in in the first place.
Sorry, but your attitude strikes me as a little cold, a lot about you and very little about the girl. You could use some work on empathy, I realize this is not a teenage boy's strong suit but based on your current track record, you need to focus on this or you are going to get a reputation as a manwhore. And that's actually not a good thing. Lay off sex for a bit and analyze your feelings for the girls. Is it that you think there's now nothing new to learn about them? Is it that you have the attention span of a 5 year old? Is it that you don't want to do the work of a real relationship?
You don't have to answer those questions for me, those are questions for you to ponder.
Please tell me you are using a condom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarieclair- I can't tell them I'll only screw them once. I don't know that for sure until it's over. Anyway, I don't hear them suffering when we're having sex. So what's your problem?
Tisha-1- I call them by the bra size because I'm not good with names and I shouldn't use them here anyway. But I don't mean that disrespectfully.
q-1605- Yeah, that's sort of my problem. I'm great the first time. But I'm not sure I could even perform the next time. It would be like doing it with my sister. I like the girl but it's 100% platonic from the moment I pull it out of her.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2010):
It's pretty clear what he thinks about the girls. He calls them not by name but by bra size.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, let me explain a bit more: I treat girls with repect, always. I just don't have any sexual feelings for them after the 1st time. I really want to do it the 1st time, but that does it for me. There must be some other guys like that.
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female
reader, Danii-N-Dale +, writes (4 April 2010):
 Listen to heartbroken in love, he talks sense!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (4 April 2010):
Ah well, it was good for a laugh... lets move on, there are people who have real problems that are asking for advice.
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (4 April 2010):
Hey buddy! No you are wrong you are a user. Unless you tell these girls about what usually happens you are just using them. You go into knowing what happens. Again "you" are wrong!! This girl who seems to be spreading accurate information is not saying anything that isn't true.
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female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (4 April 2010):
I could have seen your side on this and not thought less of you for wanting to play the field if you made your intentions clear, ... but you just started referring and describing various women as tit sizes, .. so now you really do sound like a jerk.
There are personalities, minds, feelings, etc behind those tits you know, .. oh hang on, .. you would not know , your too busy with yout tittymeter taking mental measurements.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm original poster: For some of you who think I'm a user, no I don't think so. I don't sign a contract saying we won't have sex again, but I always say, let's just enjoy the moment.
But I'm upset with this girl now running around badmouthing me. She was really fun, 34B very big nipples and all, but I just don't want to do her again. She had fun and she should leave it at that. I never said we were getting married.
I was getting close to getting this 36C (I think) girl to go out with me and 34B turned her off. That's why I'm so upset.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): You need to realize that if you're attractive, then girls will lie and use sex to try to manipulate you into a relationship. They will tell you they understand how you feel at the beginning and then act like you never told them the truth afterwards.
All you can do is tell them the truth BEFORE you sleep with them. Tell them CLEARLY, BEFORE you do it.
You may think this will cost you women but it probably won't. Not for a while at least. Lots of them will line up to get hurt and then they will be angry at you for doing what made them want you in the first place. It's twisted but that's how a lot of young women are.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): Aww sweety ok just from your question it's very obvious that you are using them, even though I don't believe you are doing it on purpose. The way you worded your question gave it away the most to me.
"This one girl that I did".....and "I just don't want to do them a 2nd time" You are talking about them like they are a project or a task you have to complete and once it's done why do it twice? This could be because of culture and the media and the way they portray guys needing to bed as many different women as possible. You're out there to conquer them all but you're going to miss the best part that way. You are missing building a real relationship with one of these girls and finding someone you can trust and share things with. Women are not a task to be accomplished and then pushed aside. Girls will be hurt and upset by this and they will talk and you will get a reputation. You're still young so there's no need to rack up some huge number of sexual partners so fast.
Maybe try getting a real girlfriend and seeing what sex is like the second time with her, or the third or maybe just spending time with them and not having sex, you might actually like it. Are you trying to avoid getting emotionally close with these girls or something, are you trying to avoid getting hurt so you don't want a real relationship and you just want some quick gratification?
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female
reader, iloveblue +, writes (3 April 2010):
 Whether you like it or not, you will be branded a user because of how you think about these girls..just a one-time sex partner, nothing more, nothing less.
Actually, even if you tell them you only want them for a one time sex, it's true still you are a user. The good thing about letting them know before any sexual activity is atleast you give them a choice to be used by you or not. And at least if they let you use them, it would seem like they are using you too.
But rarely girls would go with a guy who says to them these things. Are you actually saying them this, that you are going to have sex for fun and for 1 time only? If not, try saying it and lets see how fast the numbers go down.
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female
reader, naughty girl +, writes (3 April 2010):
I don't believe you actually told them you sleep with girls once then discard them and move on. I would suggest you try prositutes. They will understand you. None of the agro afterwards either. No one gets hurt. Prostitute earns a living. Everyone happy.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (3 April 2010):
Make sure you always tell the girls the truth. You don't do anything longer than a one night stand. It's nothing to do with not respecting women, but that's the kind of man you are.
Nothing to be ashamed off, that's the way you are. It's hard when your still in school, but it'll get easier to meet women who are exactly like you once you've left and are older and on the dating scene.
Your a player, tell the girls up front, and always wear a condom, cause Aids is a killer.
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (3 April 2010):
Just make sure you're honest about your intentions and it's ok. Some guys will pretend to be looking for a girlfriend to get a girl into bed. Don't be one of those. As long as the girl knows what she's signing up for (and be direct about it!), then your conscience is clear.
One day you'll meet a girl and fall for her. You'll have sex with her, and then she'll turn to you and say "actually it was just a one night stand, i don't want a relationship with you". It will break your heart. Then all the girls you slept with before will flood into your mind and you'll realise how it felt for them. But until you have that experience, you're not going to know what it's like to be on the sharp end.
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (3 April 2010):
Aren't you charming. You don't try to decieve anyone? So I guess that means you tell these girls that you only have sex one time before you move on? Yea I didn't think so. You are decieving and you are using. Best clean your act up
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 You are treating girls like condoms. After use, you want to discard them.
Before you have sex with a girl, you should declare to her that you want sex with her only once and after that you are not interested in her anymore.
If you can do that, then you are not deceiving the girl.
See what happens?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): You are a user!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): Hey, lesson for the sluts, here. I'm guessing the dude doesn't pretend to be anything than what he is: a cad. Don't be boo-hoo'in, "ladies," in post-slut regret. You knew what you were doin' when ya were gettin' busy. Slow down, and take time to meet someone good, and share a great experience with next time. Girls who are used most (almost always) know they're being used, and then regret it later. Again: learn from the whoe's mistake.
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