A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I recently broke up with my fiance. She went to visit a man that she had previously slept with before when we were in an open relationship. She is 20 and I am 25. I confronted her when I found out (her best friend told me) and she denied any wrongdoing until I flat out asked her. She admitted to meeting with him but claimed that he had congratulated her on her relationship and they hadn't done anything but hug when they met up. I found out that this was false and that she had stayed at his place for two nights and slept with him. (again, this was from her friend) She continued to deny it until I spoke with her mother who admitted that her daughter had slept with him but that it was natural for her to question her decision to be with me for the rest of my life. I ended it immediatly due to the fact that I view cheating while engaged as badly as cheating while married. (cheating before our life had even started)She hasn't contacted me since I ended our relationship other than to tell me that she was 'sorry, loved me, and always would love me'... I feel that I have done the right thing, but I can't help but feel like I want to give her another chance. I have spoken with my family/friends and they want absolutly nothing to do with her after the pain that she caused me. I expect her to contact me in the near future as she always has when I have broken up with her before. she seems to show little remorse for her actions but still claims that she wants to marry me.Is there anything that I can do? I love her and want to be with her but am torn due to the fact that she cheated on the man she wanted to marry. The main reason for this is an e-mail that her mother forwarded to me expressing that "she had slept with him but saw no real future. She believed that I was the man she wanted to marry and be the father of her children."Could she actually be sorry or is this just a ploy to get me back to my previously oblivious state?What should I do? (current plan is no contact whatsoever)thank you so much for your replies! (in advance)
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best friend, broke up, engaged, fiance, get back together Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Patient1 +, writes (23 February 2007):
 I know how you feel sweetie. It never feels good to be hurt, but you have to realize it's in your best interest right now. Have things gotten easier for you yet? Sorry about the delayed response, but I haven't been on the site for a while. You seem like such a sweet guy, you deserve someone who is just as sweet as you are, and trust me, she will come along when you least expect it. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPatient1,
thank you for your reply. I know you are correct, I just wish that she had shown some remorse and wasn't 'moving on' so quickly...moreso that her friends weren't laughing along with her while she causes me such pain. The first week hasn't been as bad as I thought it would though...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007): move on mate, she sounds really indifferent and doesnt seem to care that shes cheated on you, you had to ask her family and the fact her mum made excuses about it shows you what kind of family your getting into.
go for someone who deserves you, sometimes we cant help who we fall for but it seems you fell for a wrong'un here
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. I'm not sure if I want to be with her, it is mainly a question of what to do now that my life has been turned upside down. It seemed like everything was on track, but she didn't take it as seriously as I did. I just never thought I would be the person with a fiance that cheated on them. What's worse is that she keeps up away messages that are making fun of me to the whole world such as "Here's to our future spouses and lovers never meeting"...it is like she never even thought what she was doing was wrong. I'm just in a lot of pain over this...thank you so much for your answers!
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A
female
reader, chanohchan  +, writes (29 January 2007):
she is still young i am not making excuises for her but you have to think about that maybe she is movin to fast and doesnt know how to cope with it all.
but on the other hand if is shows no remorse then maybe she doesnt care i think if she was truely sorry she would tell you why she done it,and u also need to know how she really feels about you because it not fair for you to pulled along a strind until she is ready to sort her fellings out.if you do love her may be you should give her another chance dont get married or have children for a while an dsee how things go.
may be you need to clear your head and take a little trip away to find out what you need and want from life.
i kinda understand what ur goin throught becasuse i have been there but you do deserve more and some one who will tell you the truth it even more important if your thinkin of getting wed!
good luck
chan
hope i was a help please let me know
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): hi if you feel you could trust her then i would say yeah give it another go but if you do not feel thers enough trust then maybe have a break and consider getting back with her after some time apart. if it was me i wouldnt want the pain of it happenin to me again but if its true love then its worth waiting for. at least if you give her some time alone she will be able to see what she has lost out on for the sake of a fling.
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A
female
reader, Patient1 +, writes (29 January 2007):
Well sweetie, unfortunately it sound like you need to suck it up and move on. I know it's not easy, especially when you've had your heart broken, but as you said, she has cheated on you once already, and married or not I believe that it's unacceptable. Of course you love her, so after the anger wears off your first instinct is to forgive her. You're never going to forget that she has cheated on you and if you are able to accept it then I find it hard to believe that you will ever be able to fully trust her. Most of the most successful marraiges are based on trust and confidence in your relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who has cheated on you anyway? To me that's like someone spitting in your face, and for her to not even be sorry is like laughing in your face afterwards. Again, I know it hurts, but once you get over her you'll be thankful that you didn't marry her. Your special someone is out there somewhere, right now you are in the elemination stage. She is not worthy of your love but there is someone out there who is. Don't give up!!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck!
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