A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i don't know if its a good idea to do this...never the less...I once cheated on my bf when we were going through a really bad phase...without sounding like i am trying to justify what i did...i was really unhappy...he was making life difficult for me ; we had fights every day...anyhow...we broke up after i cheated but he wanted me back...so we are back together now...but the other guy...he wants to be with me...i don't know how to tell him to leave!he sent me this really sentimental mail... i am attaching snippets of it...I dunno why; my heart aches for this other guy - is there some thing seriously wrong with me?anyway...here goes : " I can prolly write a whole in reply to this mail of urs u knw! bt i'll keep it brief mainly coz its 4.30 am..:)n i dnt think its rite to say we dnt hv time fr each other...its not realy abt the quantity i think bt its more abt quality... dnt think anyone else is as updated abt my life as u r,.,,,tho m nt sure if its vice versa too..N abt the point!!! Do we really need to plan relationships!! life has a plan fr us its pretty apparent nthin tht happened between us was planned...its intelligent to take precautions but not straight out live in them! i mean u wnt realy be livin then wud u,,,n seriously i dnt think our relationship cn be defined by any of the conventional terms... the dynamics of our relationship is very different frm wat most other people wud perceive otherwise i dnt see y it wud be so damn difficult to let go leaving apart the meaninglessness in it...I hate to put u in such a precarious position... i mean i wud hate to be in ur shoes but all i know I want u to be a part of my life badly n i knw it tht its same fr u,,,, I hope it cud smhow be explained to ur bf tht people cn be soulmates without actually playin the role of lovers or being frnds also....I mean it really doesnt hurrt tht much to nt be ur boyfrnd knowing tht i still m a special part of ur life where i cn share ur happiness, sadness n most importantly the unimportant things of ur life n be able to share the same wid u...My thirst fr u is insatiable n i cnt do much abt tht ,,, knwin tht u r nt there turns me into this animal i dnt knw y... i am not realy proud of my relationships nt wrkin out in past, n u going away makes me feel like such a loser.,,,! N honestly i was really really appalled n hurt listenin to ur notions abt me! Honestly i find u physically attractive (not tht ur not) only coz ur mentally n emotionally attractive fr me..!n its almost frustrating not bein able to change watt has happened...Can i talk to ur bf??I mean its wrth a shot... if he is ok wid u n me stil bein in touch it might jus relieve u of the associated guilt,,, I wil nt do anythin intentionally to harm ur relation with him ever,! but secretly i do hope someday things might turn into my favor...but i jus wait n hope tht my crush also becomees mine but meanwhile i need ,my best friend to be my support system...i think these r nt the only 2 roles u play in my life,,, u hv at times been my parent my favorite critic.., my shrink.,, n several other s wich i n u wnt realize... so essentially i will mute the loverboy in ur lfe in order to retain the rest of the roles in ur life if u wud let me play them..???plz lemme play them!love n lots of it!"I read this mail and i was all "aww"...But...is he sincere? And its not a good idea to stay frens with some1 you did what i did...Sometimes i feel he just wants me for sex...(we never got that far though...it was just till second base)I am so fucking confused...someone please put my head on right!
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best friend, broke up, cheated on my boyfriend, crush, second base, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): Yeah, it sounds like this is just not the relationship for you, otherwise, you wouldn't have cheated. Don't beat yourself up about it, but it doesn't sound like a nurturing relationship. Leave and do yourselves both a favor.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (18 October 2010):
 If your boyfriend is not supporting you then i think maybe its time to let go of the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell all of you are right.
As for why i cheated...on my bf.
Lets see.
Four months of incessant fighting when i was relocating to an entirely new place...for a new job. I had late hours. A shitty boss. I asked him to be patient if i could not give him time. But he did not....he used to keep on saying i don't have time..i don't care.
Once...i was so exhausted i fell asleep n forgot to call him. ONCE. He fought so much that i spent the next two days in tears.
I don't want to sound melodramatic.
My birthday was ruined. We fought on that day as well. No presents...not even a wish. Which bf does that?
Then he was so jealous of this male friend at the work place...he would pass sarcastic comments about the guy - and he's never even met him. I ignored it; but he would keep on provoking me!
Then he suggested we should break up ...when all this was going on.
i swear on my heart...i tried so hard..used to call him after every fight and apologise - most of the time it wasn't even my fault!
And when things got worse...admist all these tears...i made out with this guy; my so called 'close - friend'.
That's why i CHEATED.
I know i was wrong.
I hope that helps...for those who think i am out for a quick hop in the sack ; no i am not...
this is useless.
No support from him.
He
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are right...and i know it deep inside...
I wish i could be more strong!!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 I'm sorry, but I wouldn't believe a word of that mail. Its one hundred percent pretentious,and trying to sound too mushy. Dont you believe it. Im not here to judge you so I dont care why you were with him or what you did. The thing is, do you feel now, after the whole "cheating" episode, that were you happier with your boyfriend or without?
You've written..."...we broke up after i cheated but he wanted me back...so we are back together now...". Does that mean
1.) your boyfriend knew that you cheated on him and yet wanted u to get back, and
2.) Did you yourself want to get back with him or not? Sounds like you just went with the flow and are with him because he "wanted" you to.
Thats not how it happens. If you've cheated on this guy once, you need to re-think about your relationship. Probably your boyfriend is not who you want to be with. In that case, you need to move on, let go of him, let him move on with HIS life and put this relationship behind you.
However, if you do feel that you want to be with this current boyfriend and try to make it work, there should be absolutely no space for any other person in your relationship. It comes automatically...you dont even need to think about it.
So what do you want now? Chuck this guy...he sounds like a player.Guys will say anything to want to have sex with a girl. ANYTHING. Dont go by the email...follow your heart.On one hand you say that..."the other guy...he wants to be with me...i don't know how to tell him to leave!" and on the other hand you say ..."I read this mail and i was all "aww"..."
Decide what you want first. The mail isint honestly anything to go "awww" about...its something any guy would write to get in bed with you. You are confused, but you need to ask yourself what you actually want, before you take a decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): You're a kid. And I'm sorry, but that was the most painful piece of writing I have ever had the displeasure of reading - do you really want to be with someone who writes like an orangutan on a word processor?
Anyway, grammar aside, you cheated and now the other dude wants you back for some more playtime. I guarantee you this is an ego thing, and it has nothing to do with actual love. If you are out for a quick hayride, dump your boyfriend - in the end, cheaters never win, so let him be free and find someone great for him without having to stoop to your level. You seem to be out for something shallow and meaningless - here's your golden ticket! Have fun!
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A
female
reader, kkkay  +, writes (17 October 2010):
I think you need to stop talking to the boy you cheated on your boyfriend with. If you love your boyfriend you would stop talking to this other boy- it could cause so many problems, it could make your boyfriend loose trust in you. Because you cheated on your boyfriend with this boy before, your boyfriend is probably already finding it hard to forget and I don`t think he`d want to know your talking to the boy because it might make him think its going to happen again.
You wrote "Sometimes i feel he just wants me for sex" if you think that boy only wants that then you should deffinitley stop talking to him. This boy is very good with his words and I think he only wants what he can`t have. I think that if he got what he wanted he might not appreciate it.
Hope everything turns out good for you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (17 October 2010):
Ok no its not a good idea to be friends with someone that you cheated on your boyfriend with. Im sorry but if you were unhappy you shouldnt have cheated you should have left the relationship and then you were free to do what you like.
But whats done now is done and nobody can change it, but you wanting to be friends with this man is going to really hurt your boyfriend i mean how do you expect him to trust you with this other guy? Its way to much to ask any man to do this, you made the mistake and now you need to make the choice.
Therefore its up to you what you do here you can either tell this fella that you cant be friends with him as you are trying to make things good between you and your boyfriend and you dont want to risk the relationship. Or you can either break up with your boyfriend and give things a go with this other fella. Am afraid you cant have both because believe me am sure you know yourself that friendship is not going to be enough for this guy something well end up happening and before you know it you will be caught in a triangle.
Dont be fooled by his email men have great ways with words to get a girl in to bed, if you already have feelings he is just after sex then i would be aware.
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