A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for advice.I'm engaged to the father of my child.I'm no longer in love with him but I don't hate him.We get along fine and we "love" each other but the love is gone. It has been for a few years now.He has a friend, a best friend since grade school.I've known them both since junior high.We're falling for each other, his friend and I.I don't know what to do.I'm so confused.I feel horrible because I wasn't trying but I can't get his friend off my mind. I go over situations about how to call the engagement off. I'm worried about loosing my child. I feel like a horrible person.This was completely unintentional. What should I do?His friend and I have never spoken, but we both know.It's there, it gestures, in looks, and in actions.By actions I mean by the things we go out of our way to do for one another. Nothing physical has happened.I don't want to cheat on my fiance.I just don't want to be with him anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo those of you that have responded to my question I thank you for your time and your words of advice.
As of right now I am no longer engaged. I am still currently living with my now ex-fiance. He is attempting to try and win me back to his side. He has no idea regarding my feelings for his friend. I'm not sure what I am going to do. I'm no longer happy with him. He wants me to be something I'm not and it hurts to have someone who you once loved want to change you so badly. I will be attempting to move out of his house within the next month or so. I want to try and take my daughter with me. Not completely away from him but I won't leave her. In any case I again thank you all for your time.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Let it go, it's not uncommon to "fall out of love". He doesn't even want to work it out with you, he blames you for being the source of all your problems. It's pointless to be in a relationship that's going nowhere fast. Just be prepared to go to court, to fight for custody of your child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, all of you for your time in responding to my issue. To answer some of your questions.
Regarding a relationship counselor, I have asked him, he refuses to bring a third party into our relationship. Insisting that I make a huge deal out of everything and I need to just "get over myself".
Starting a relationship with his best friend, may be taboo but I don't know what is driving this feeling. It may be because I'm just lonely and he pays attention to me and listens to things I have to say.
Since I had our child I have lost most of the weight, I admit not all of it. However, I don't look very different compared to before the pregnancy.
He no longer supports my creative side either. I paint, and I do many crafts. I always have. But now he calls me childish and insists that I am going to be a bad influence on our 3 year old. He is worried our child will not want to "grow up".
It's like he's Jeckle and Hyde.
He used to love that I was creative. Now I am making a mess, causing our child to want to make a mess with me. We are both messy people in his immaculate home.
Even if you completely removed his best friend from the picture, I would still be out of love with him.
I don't want to make things awkward between any of us. I do believe that I have become bored with him.
What can I do? I've tried to bring him into things that I enjoy and I try to enjoy the things that he is into. But we just end up irritating each other.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (4 November 2010):
to avoid repetition, I agree with MoonLux
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A
female
reader, MoonLux +, writes (4 November 2010):
 There's no need to hurt the same person twice. I maybe old fashioned but have you asked yourself WHY the "love" is gone between you and your child's father? Maybe it's not too late to sit down and talk about it, maybe even seek counseling or some help. Is it just a matter of attraction? Have you both really grown apart? Is it possible that you feel towards the best friend so strongly because of his being the ultimate taboo - he is afterall the bestfriend of your fiance. Should you go along with the gestures, looks and actions, are you ready to face both of them should you pursue the best friend? Let's have a bit of foresight and look ahead even just a year. Let's say you and the best friend became lovers. You break it off with your fiance, who is the father of your child - will you be comfortable enough to have them all in one room when dad picks up his kid? I ask these questions to find out if you're just bored, or if you really made up your mind.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 November 2010):
Simple answer..call off the engagement and break it off completely with him. There's no need to get married to someone you don't love just because he's the father of your child. If you do get married, it will end up in divorce because the love has been lost or you have had an affair..Why not save the time, $, and your child the heartache by ending it now? Unless your fiance can prove to social services that you're an unfit mother, he can't take your child away from you. You'll have to work out shared custody with him and if he's being difficult at the worst you'll have to go to court. Call it off before you take it a step further with his friend.
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