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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I never want to fall in love again!My first boyfriend and love broke up with me after 2 years.He had issues with my past. I don't know how many times I've typed this. But this was just the final straw.In the past I had a friend with benefits who was older than me and we were good friends but had nothing serious, no strings attached, I was very young and I was starting to experiment. He felt me up, and I gave him oral sex. We stopped the benefits, and I hooked up with a couple of other older guys I had just met at parties, ONLY kissing, nothing sexual. Later my friend (the one who had benefits) introduced me to my now ex.We dated and everything was perfect. I lost my virginity to him and it was so special. I didn't bleed though, and I thought I had been lucky to have had such a sweet loving first time, non traumatic. He wasn't a virgin.He was very jealous and kind of possessive and once he asked me if I had ever been with the guy who used to have benefits. I panicked and said no, but immediately said yes. He stopped trusting me, and started judging me saying I was a SLUT because oral sex and kissing etc is only done with people who are your boyfriend/girlfriend.So I lied a couple more times because he judged me horribly and called me names, and dumped me, etc. I know I shouldn't have lied, but I was scared of his reactions, can you blame me?Anyway today he brought up all this, and how he wanted to take a break to hang out with other girls, not to hook up but just to see again how it felt to hang out with a girl without worrying that she would cheat, etc. I said this was unacceptable. He was obsessed that I was just going to cheat with the first guy who said "Hi" because of my past.So he brought up the topic of my virginity, and told me not to lie and tell him who I really lost it to. He thought I was lying so he dumped me. Now he ruined it for me, that moment that had been so special for me has been forever stained because he thinks I was such a slut that I lost it to just some random guy because I gave oral sex to a friend in the past.I want to rip off my heart! I hate this! I did nothing wrong, I never cheated, I never went out with my friends or anyone, just to make him feel secure, gee I never talked to other guys, I never talked to him about guys... What else did he want me to do? To lock myself up in his bedroom? I did nothing to deserve this! Now he's gonna start hanging out with other girls, he said he's realized he can get any girl much better than me in every aspect, and here I am, miserable, not wanting to fall in love EVER again, because he broke my heart BADLY.Help, I just want to stop feeling now! I want to die!
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a break, broke up, friend with benefits, jealous, kissing, lost my virginity, oral sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LOSTONEla  +, writes (29 January 2009):
He is very imature and insecure, and likely he is not the one for you long term. Unfortunately since you slept with him there is a physical bond with him that has become emotional - he does not sound like a guy that you can trust and that is good for you. If he cant handle the truth and can not believe you, then move on. We kiss a lot of toads before we find a prince.
A
male
reader, *$Maurice$* +, writes (11 January 2009):
 Awww don't say u wanna die don't u think that is a little extreme I can understand what you are feelings rite now but saying that u wanna die aint gone do anything jus give it sometime and eventully u should get ova it but it will take some time maybe even a few year because off wat your and you went through it was special but ain't like you can't do it with someone you kno that won't leave you because of what happened in the past someone that would tell u that he loves u everyday and that everytime you would get mad or sad and you tell him and he makes u feel better someone you know you could share your past with and won't get mad about it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): Ok, whoa.. I wrote this, but to you, male anon what a douche!
Hook up with what guy I slept with? My ex? He doesn't even want to see me! I've only ever slept with him. Don't you know how to read? I lost my virginity to my EX BOYFRIEND, but he didn't believe me because I didn't bleed.
I only gave oral sex to another guy once. All the rest of sexual experiences, I first had them with my ex boyfriend. But he was too dumb to realize that. Even though he was more experienced than me, and I was fine with it. why couldn't he be fine with me?
Why do you justify his behavior? I'm not perfect, but he isn't God. I never said I was perfect. But no man (or for that matter, woman) has the right to judge a partner so harshly based on their past. No one. I never did anything to him, I never cheated or anything, so what's the big deal?
I guess you're the same type as my ex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): I think the first step is to realize that you're NOT perfect, and you probably made him really mad inside. Even though this is the type of thing that you should save for marriage, you can't take it back now, so you need to learn to live with it! Try hooking up with the guy (like, honestly trying) that you slept with. It would be beneficial to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): Hey honey,
I know this is hard, I went through something similar but where my ex dumped me saying that he wanted stabiliy and that there was someone else he had to marry in order to get a huge family inheritance, so I was dumped for money, I felt betrayed...but I moved on, it took me 2years to get over it.
I think you need to count your losses and move on and away from him, if someone truly loves you and wants to protect you they'll help you and keep by your side, irregardless of your past, he should have never said those things to you.. you say that he wasn't a virgin.. perhaps he has done other things that you don't even know of..
I think you need to move on because he doesn't deserve you.. we all have the right to experiment, but no one has the right to judge us if they themselves are not perfect.
He is degrading you and calling you a slut, and that is wrong..
Please move on, there is someone out tehre for you
Me:)
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