A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is this considered cheating? So my GF and I have been going through a very turbulent part in our relationship, and we never said it was over but I just been very distant from her due to stress, so I told her that we need to have some space so I can get my thoughts together, but never did I say that it was over, so 2 months past by and I didn't contact her and neither did she contact me, when I finally cleared my head i called her only to find out from her female cousin that she has been dating/sleeping with another man for a month already.. We NEVER said it was over, NEVER, but she had heard through the grapvine that I was cheating with my ex, which I wasn't.. Did she or did she not cheat?? Thanks for your responses in advance...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSee I didn't mention this either, we have cars, bank accounts and bills together, but not living together, so of course we had to be in contact to pay those bills, so I consider that cheating because we were in contact and of course we'll talk about moving in together when we would speak, in fact we were looking for an apartment in between that month that she didn't I guess see him, so I'm sure she was texting him at least, otherwise she wouldn't have been able to have sex with him after we failed to find a place and we had a fight again,so that's cheating, PERIOD!!
A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (20 January 2011):
I do apologise.... my comment to your orignal post was sent before your followup came through but didnt show up until afterwards.
You state that she slept with someone after 3 weeks of your split - Well that I feel is a little too soon if she did still have feelings for you.
However, I wouldn't necessarily listen to the likes of her cousin, its not her place to gossip about such things.
You are much better off contacting your ex direct and seeing if you have a future now that you have sorted your personal issues out. But I wouldn't bring up the 3 week sex issue, it will just cause you more problems. Let the dust settle and then perhaps mention it if you really feel you need to.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): She didn't cheat.
When you tell someone, "I need my space" and then don't contact them for 2 months, that is effectively breaking up. Had your girlfriend asked dearcupid, "My boyfriend said he needs space, he hasn't spoken to me in a month, what gives?" I suspect that every one here (and particularly guys) would say, "move on, if he wanted to be with you,he would have called you by now."
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to hold their breath and to pine for you for months if you don't communicate with them.
You are angry and hurt and perhaps feel dismissed that she didn't hurt more and longer? She probably did feel these things, but saw that you weren't making an effort which is why she was proactive about her situation and moved on.
On your side, you should acknowledge that you don't (probably) don't miss her per se, you just dislike the fact that she got over you so quickly. It's your ego that's hurt, not your heart. Don't confuse the two.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 January 2011):
 If neither of you said this is a "break" which is a nice way of breaking up, if neither of you said "this is over, we're done", or if you haven't talked in 2 months (I would consider that over or a "break" which is a break-up), then you guys were still together. So yes if these allegations are true then yes, she cheated on you.
We all know how family loves to be involved in drama, so I wouldn't necessarily trust what her cousin says. It's not even her place to tell you. If I were you I would be confronting your girlfriend about these rumors. Then you can decide for yourself if it's true or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): OP, in your orignal post you said there was no contact so i was going by that.
If she is sleeping with/dating another guy after only 3 weeks then maybe you're relationship isn't as strong as you thought.
The only way to know for sure is to speak to her about it.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (19 January 2011):
Did you expect her to become a nun for the 2 months whilst you went in your man cave??... I am sorry, but you didn't really leave her much option but to carry on with her life... and I must say, I take my hat off to her, because there are far far too many women that put their lives on hold for a man, texting, mailing to no avail.
I suggest you try and learn from this and realise, a problem shared is a problem halved and irrespective of how much stress you were under, you should still want the love of your life in your life.
Now get your act together and see if you are still in with a chance!
Good luck! :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo we texted and spoke a few times about getting it together, but from what I heard she had already slept with this guy 3 weeks after the "space" talk and then got back with me for 1 1/2 months then supposedly I heard she went back and had sex with him again then left to vacation and then we got back together again when she came back for another 2 months.. The guy kept calling her but she would blw him off, this info came from her female cousin.. So YES we were still in contact..
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Seeing as you hadn't spoken to her AT ALL in 2 months, i'm guessing she got the impression it was over.
Wanting some space and completely disappearing are two different things.
You can't expect her to just wait around for months on end with absolutely no contact at all. You should have at least contacted to let her know what was going on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Ah, the Ross and Rachel situation - reversed! Well, if you never said it was over, then technically she did cheat. But it is not as bad as it would have been if she cheated on you while you two were very much "on" and supposedly in a happy relationship. Plus, she did think you were sleeping with somebody else too. So, my advice is, if you two love each other and want to be together, why not start fresh? Make it a new beginning and forget about the past. Learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): "so 2 months past by and I didn't contact her and neither did she contact me"
2 months is really a lot of space...that is over, whether someone says so or not.
Cheating? I don't think so. Not unless you had specific agreements along those lines.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Space for 2 months without contact an that is how you treat your girlfriend,you mean you did not have the courage to be manly or honest so you gave the excuse space was needed,well after no contact for 2 months and the grapevine talk of you and another female i also would have said it was over between us so your answer is no she did not cheat
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