A
male
age
41-50,
*itter
writes:My wife and I seperated as of a week ago, over her lying about her talking to her ex and meeting him at a park, this is not the first time I caught her. During our seperation we talked about seeing a counsellor and working through our problems, well she went to a party where she told me she felt bad because she acted like she was single, and then she told me that some guy lay on an air mattress and tried to put his arm around her and she said stop and that's all that happend. Then 2 days later I asked her if the guy that slept next to her flirted with her she said no, and I told her that she's lying because her eyes water when she lies, she than began to tell me that the guy kissed on her neck for a second and she told him to stop and this was before he came in the bed. My question is do you think she really told him to stop when they were laying on the matress, or did they mess around? She said that she didn't cheat on me, and that we were seperated? What the hell does that mean? Someone please help?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 It sounds like she is drip-feeding you elements of the story, maybe in a few months time you will actually get the full truthful version. I cant really say if she cheated on you, fooled around with him, or just slept next to him - there is no real way of ever knowing what happened unless she comes clean and tells you the full story.
But what you can assume is that because she said she behaved like she was single, the chances she will have done something (not sure what exactly that something is) that would upset and hurt you.
Look at this situation properly - your wife, who supposedly is committed to you and took vows to remain faithful, to love and cherish you - is lying to you, seeing her ex behind your back and going to parties where she acts like she is single. If you look at it that way, you see she is breaking nearly all of your marriage vows and clearly she is not ready for the serious commitment of marriage.
Now you can try and work through your problems if you so wish, but you cannot make your wife more mature overnight, if she is not ready for this commitment then no matter how many problems you manage to work through, in her head she still wont be ready for this and hence she will be unable to behave in the way a wife should, or any partner should behave for that matter.
She sounds like she wants to be free and single, so she can party and fool around with men, and meet up with her ex whenever she feels like it. She clearly doesnt respect you or your marriage if she is happy to lie to you like this, and for her to still be in contact with an ex shows that she is still harboring feelings for him - you cant make those go away either.
I think that a separation will be good for both of you - she needs the time alone to really think about what, and who, she wants in her life. You need the time to think about whether you can trust her again and whether you want to stay in a relationship where you will always doubt her feelings for you and what feelings she has for her ex. But this separation needs to be spent alone - away from each other with no contact for a while.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 December 2009):
Wel, firstly she said nothing happened, that she pushed him off. Then she said he kissed her on the neck. And then she said it wasn't cheating because you were separated. I can't be 100% sure that she didn't cheat, but when someone says that, it's subtext for saying she probably did mess around with him. and this was after you both tried to work things through. I'lll be honest with you, I don't think she's worth it. Think about this. She has seen her ex, and ied about it. That wasn't the first time you caught her lying. Then she and you both suggested counselling and tried to work through it, and it would now appear as if something has happened. You can do better than this woman. Get away from her. There will be another out there who won't treat you this way. You've given her enough chances. She's blown them all. Now it's your time to move on and find someone who does love you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Women will always give you a VERSION of the story, (usually not the complete truth!) So, if I were you, I would assume she slept w/the guy and did cheat on you. Your best bet is to accept it or move on. Sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope you can figure out what you need to do to be happy. (Leave for good, or accept that she cheated and work through it)
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