A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:When I was at the supermarket in the queue a few days ago, an elderly lady pulled me up and said "We need to go somewhere to talk. It's some news about your son"I thought this was odd, but went anyway when I'd done my shopping. The woman told me she'd heard "tittle-tattle" that my son was having a relationship with his coach in college. She said that she'd heard local kids saying it, but dismissed it as "childish nonsense".I was sceptical and took it with a pinch of salt, but decided to confront my son anyway, not out of distrust, but concern.I confronted my son (he's 16) about it, and he didn't deny it, oddly enough - he said "If I want to date him, I will! And there's nothing you can do to stop us being together!!"I've tried telling him that this man's abusing his power and taking advantage of him, but my son insists this is a "loving relationship", it's "better with this older man than some silly teenage girl, and anyway he's moving school in a month's time!"I don't mind my son being gay, but this relationship sickens me due to the age gap - my son's 16, this man's 44 (divorced, with a 5-year-old son).I feel like confronting the man, but wouldn't due to worries about his reaction.My husband is amazingly so laidback about this, insisting that "if our son's happy, what's the big deal?" I feel shocked by my hubby's attitude!How can I get out of this situation and resolve it peacefully?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): Sorry I didn't make myself clear.
The coach is moving school in a month, not my son!!
(Just clarifying things!)
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (19 April 2009):
 Yes, I think your in a very awkward position and if the woman in the supermarket had NEVER pulled you to one side you may have stayed in the dark forever, this didn't happen.
You now have confirmation from your son that this has been going on and at this moment in time he feels like he is receiving TRUE love, you know and I know this man has abused his position as a teacher and by rights should be struck off. However, your son is moving school very soon and I wonder if this would create too many problems for your son in the future.
You are treading a very fine line right now as your son may well not be gay but instead experimenting with his sexuality and could end up being with a girl in the future, however his first sexual contact has been with this man who is either someone who has done this before or could be expanding his sexuality at the moment as he has felt rejected following the divorce.
I think my main concern would be if this man is going to lure other vunerable children into his power as he is obviously someone who can lure them in and whether that is restricted to just young boys or girls as well is someone that is anyone's guess right now.
I understand that your husband doesn't want to rock the boat and maybe he is thinking that it could be something your son may grow out of or he is trying to put it to the back of his mind because he doesn't want to think that your son could be gay - men view things differently to women. We are the nurturers so where to go from here.
I think it would be easier to find out more info once your son has left the school and also whether this man continues to try and see your son or not, try to get him to be honest and open with you and even if you have to on the surface of things seem like you are there for your son, at least he may keep you in his confidence.
I think the worrying element here is if this man moves on to other innocent children once your son leaves the school i.e. the opportunities are no longer there.
It is NEVER easy to know what the right thing to do is, however I do have some knowledge in this area as one of my nieces was groomed by a close friend of her mother's and he tried to groom her twin sister and it was only when my niece could see that he had set his sights on her sister who is 3 years younger than her that she spoke out, btw her twin sister sent the man packing but she had been flattered by the attention. It was being pursued to court level and child protection police section but the man concerned decided to end his life instead and NEVER faced the consequences in a court of law. She went through a lot of counselling and has moved on and is now in a very loving relationship with her bf but it did affect her quite badly.
Keep an eye on your son and try to be there for him and also try and talk it over again with your husband but in a soft manner and not a heated way, you may find out that your husband experimented in his younger days and believes your son may grow out of this. However, get his opinion on whether he feels it is right for this man to be around other vunerable children but try and do it when you are calm and not in a very hostile mood. Perhaps do it alone out in a public place i.e. a restaurant with just the two of you as no one likes to make themselves look volatile in public.
Wish you luck and keep us posted. Stay strong sweetheart there are other services that could help you through this i.e. child protection services - maybe making an anonymous call or even Samaritans if you feel alone at any time and see what they have to say as well.
I do understand your pain, I would have killed the guy concerned with my niece if I could have got close to him but I had to stand back for her sake and let the police do their thing, however he was so weak he knew when everything starting closing in around him and that was why he did what he did. Good job really as he cannot hurt any one else now.
BFN
Country Woman
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