A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few days ago, for the first time, I got naked with the guy who I was seeing. He got really horny and whispered, "I want to make love to you." I thought he was just horny so I didn't respond to it. 30 minutes later, he asked me if I wanted to make love.I said no. (because I wasn't sexually experienced so it meant a lot to me. I am not a virgin but I haven't slept with many guys yet)He said it wasn't a big deal, he liked me. I told him that I knew he was just horny and wanted to have sex and it didn't have to be me.He is way more experienced than I am so for the whole time I just lay down there, doomed, had no idea what to do. I even hurt his penis by grabbing it too hard. I was just grabbing it because I had no idea what to do. I chickened out because I was embarrassed. He comforted me, told me it was ok and he enjoyed being with me.I am not going to have sex with him because I don't think we are at that stage yet, at least in my opinion. And I am secretly scared of the potential HPVs that he might be carrying since he has had sex with about 10 women (his ex-es. he is older) and everyone knows condoms cannot block HPV and HPV causes cancer.One thing I found funky was he used the term "make love" instead of something else. Do you think it's weird? Do people normally use this term in these days? Do you think he used "make love" because he liked me of he just liked that term better than anything else.He saw me the 2nd day after work and we were just watching TV together. I don't think sex is the only thing he wants from me.. well it just makes me sad that he has had too much sexual experience such that it means less to him now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): she just wants to romanticize the whole thing. Perhaps he said her to juice her up and have her give in. She fell for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): I agree with the first poster.. Getting naked doesn't have to lead to sex at all. Don't let the others make you feel bad about that. People get naked in order to mess around sexually without actually having sex. Just wait until you're ready. He sounds very caring and patient so it should be fine. If he really cares about you, then he will wait as long as you need him to. But dont' push yourself. You could emotionally damage yourself. And it is very reasonable and i think intelligent for you to have concern about HPV. Calmly explain to him that you don't see him as gross in any way, and you aren't suggesting that he is the type who would have anything like that, but that you take your life and health seriously, and would rather be safe than sorry. He shouldn't have a problem testing for you and if he does, then you probably have somethign to worry about!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): You're just teasing him. Why would you get naked in front of a guy if you're not going to have sex with him? then get surprised because he asked for sex? Heck, whether he said make love or i want sex is all the same route. So if you have all of these if ands or buts, why did you get naked in the first place? you was very lucky this was a "passive" guy, if it were another guy he would take his own decisions and did whatever he wanted with you. You need to get yourself straight before offering to then say no.
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reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (19 April 2009):
 This guy sounds a sif he really likes you so why are you teasing him by getting naked and not having sex? Either do it or don't! X
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female
reader, Karlin24 +, writes (19 April 2009):
 Wow, so many issues here. First, the "make love" issue. If he truly wants to "make love" to you, he will wait till you're ready. If he wants to have sex with you, he will lose interest quickly, and you'll know you were right for waiting. Second, you are worried about his experience and your lack of. Don't be. You benefit from his experience. Let me give you an example. Say someones trying to show you how to fix your computer, and in the process, they mess it up over and over, redo it, do things and then realize that wasn't the right thing. By the time they're done, you're more confused than when you started. But someone that knows what they're doing, and explains it, and goes slow enough for you to understand it, is fantastic. Another point on this is that you can be an expert on pleasing the man you're with, but when you break up and move to the next one, he likes everything different, and you start all over. But at least with some basic skills. Don't have sex till you are ready. Trust me, I never lost a man cuz I didn't put out right away. If anything, I couldn't get rid of them. Anyone that really cares for you will respect you and not want you until you want them. But they are men, and you can't blame them for trying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): "Making love" is fine -- what else do you want him to say? As far as being inexperiencd, that's something you shouldn't feel bad about at all. He will respect you. Ten lovers isn't over the top for someone in their mid to late 20s. Feel free exploring your own sexuality, if you wish, with him, slowly, but I think, too, that you're just plain scared, and lettinf fear hold you back a bit, though I'm not saying sex right now. Sex is a great -- and the sexual release for men is an impoportant physical, emotional (if he loves you), bonding (if he loves you), spiritual (if he loves you) need for men. You;ve just started going with him, so going slow is fine, getting naked, and exploring each other, and learning each other's bodies. He sounds like he's being patient. Enjoy the journey.
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