A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think all my problems start with the vivid memories of my childhood. I remember I must of been only four, I was pounding on the door, screaming for my mother and when the door opened, another woman was standing there - naked. It must of took us weeks before we worked up the courage to tell our mother. There marriage ulimately ended in a divorce.After that, my mother met another guy. Who is now my step father. They've been together since I was about five years old, I am now fifteen. After being with him for about two or three years, my mother decided to go back to school and make something of herself.So, for the most part, I've had a pretty good life, except for the same parts in between. My brother who is now twenty, abused me and my older sister, when we were younger and he got into some pretty nasty scraps with my step dad also. This happened for a while until my mother got the nerve to kick him out the house. He's spent most of his life, running from the police.When I was in Grade 7, my mother had an 'accidental overdose' As she took sleeping pills, because she could not cope with the stress at her job, and was diagonised with insonmia. I remember she was rushed to the emergency room, and my sister and my step dad and I went to go visit her. I just sat by her bed and cried. I'll never forget how the nurses look at me that day. They pitied me.When I was entering my freshmen year in 2008, I was beat up pretty bad by another girl.I've never felt sorry for myself until now. Seeing as my child hood as never had any lasting effects on me. But I wonder if it did, and I just never knew it? As I grew older into my teenage years. I felt desperate for male attention and when I got into a relationship, I just couldn't handle letting go. I've been in two real relationships. One when I was thirteen that lasted 8 months and second when I was fourteen that lasted 11. We just broke up about three weeks ago.My most recent relationship I was in, was an non stop cycle of abuse. He controlled me, and had serious jealously issues and I know I am at fault too, because overtime I have developed the same kind of issues. Ulimately at the nearing end of our relationship, I discovered I was pregnant which ended in an Abortion. Now the relationship is over, and I feel like I am in such a dark place in my life. I feel like I have been let down by every person I have ever loved and I have lost my faith in God. I feel so hopeless, like nothing good will ever come out of my life. I don't have a promising future as I am repeating my freshmen year for the second time.. and I just can't seem to cope with stress and desicions well..Can somebody please give me some words of wisdom, seeing as I really need guideness and somebody to talk to.
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male
reader, LessonsLearned  +, writes (5 October 2009):
Let me analyze it for you, okay?
Your father broke your heart early in life. At that age a girl is supposed to be able to look to her father as a rock, a guide, and you learned all too soon that people are fallible. That's all. He was just a flawed human, like we all are. Unfortunately it taught you that you couldn't trust anyone. When he left it only compounded the injury because now you thought all men will leave eventually.
When a father breaks his daughters heart and leaves, it sets the pattern for all men that will follow in her life. You will seek out men that will leave you just like your father did. You simply won't be attracted to guys who seem stable and trustworthy. They won't interest you. And even if you do find a good man, you'll pick and torture him, or cheat on him to inject chaos into the relationship because it's all you've ever known of love.
You'll be depressed, go through a series of bad relationships, maybe have kids later with a bad choice of husband, get divorced. You'll figure all of this out and start to change around 30 or so.
So if you want to have a different life, you have to change now! Your smart, you can do it! Not everyone can.
Step One: Start talking. To anyone, a counselor, a smart teacher, a therapy group, whatever. Make it regular and make it stick. If you've been sexually abused go to an incest survivors group. You'll find helping others is the best healing that you can do.
Step Two: Know that your pattern is finding unavailable men and find a good, caring, decent guy and settle for him after your out of school. Don't screw around and treat him good.
Step Three: Meditate daily. Transcendental Meditation is good or go to FHU.com and download "Be Still and Know". Anything, just sit quietly with your eyes closed and your mind open if you have to. You'd be surprised what comes to mind.
Step Four: Forget about guys for now, focus on your future and your schoolwork. Guys are not important. No sex for now. School is very important. Your life really will be terrible without an education. Everything is just so much harder.
Don't be mad at God. He didn't do these things. They had free will and were weak. That's why they did these things. It's why your in so much pain too. You have to work on forgiving them. Don't worry, everyone who sins is punished, forgiving them won't get them out of that. All forgiveness does is release YOU from the pain and misery of the memory. So you can move on...to your bright future.
A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (5 October 2009):
 You've had a hard life and already experienced a lot. I know its painful but as hard as it is the things we learn the most from are usually our worst mistakes or hardest experiences.I understand how easy it can be to lose faith in God... but think of it this way... if God hadn't been there with you to CARRY you would you have made it at all? God doesn't do terrible things to us but He is sovereign and does allow things sometimes knowing that He will be able to make it for our ultimate good and His ultimate plan. Sometimes we need the pain and devastation in order to turn fully to God and recognize how great our need is for His guidance and control in our life.God is a God of love but He is also a God of discipline and righteousness. Don't worry about repeating your freshman year, it simply gives you another year to get it right. I think God had bigger lessons in mind for you than history and arithmetic this year. As for those decisions, if you can learn to give them to God well... I promise its a much easier road and a lot less stress.I am praying for you and hope God sends you a message of love and hope and peace. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. . .” 2 Timothy 1:7...For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.Zechariah 9:12 Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. May God Bless you, protect you and guide you always.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I'm so sorry this all happened to you. I find a lot of times my advice starts with that thought, but it's true. You've gone through stuff that no one should have to, and how you're handling it is understandable. It's important to realize that you DO have a promising future, I mean, you've made it through all this stuff, things are going to get better.Freshman year is always hard, I can't imagine doing it twice, but you're going to be fine, okay? I know it's hard to believe in people when you've been let down, but not everyone is like those people. You sound like you've found guys who treated you far from how you're supposed to be treated, and I'm sorry about that. Keep looking, you'll find someone good who will take care of you and help you through what you're going through. In the meantime, keep trusting in God, and I realize that is much easier said than done, but I think that if you can at least count on God, then you have something dependable.Hopelessness is understandable, but I don't want you to think nothing good will come of your life, because that's not true. You (and I) have no idea of the things you're capable of or what you'll accomplish and do in your lifetime. You've had a rough start, harder than most, but you're pushing through and I for one am very proud of you for that. What the other reader posted is right - talking helps. I'm very glad you wrote all this out and shared it with us, and I hope you know that we're not here to judge, we are here to help. If you need to talk, PLEASE don't hesitate to message me or anyone else on here - it's exactly what we're here for. Keep talking to close friends if you can, they'll be there for you, and if they let you down (and yes, it happens) just remember that you are strong all on your own too, that much is apparent to me. I hope this was encouraging some, I wish that I could do more. Keep us updated on how you're doing.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (5 October 2009):
 There isn't much helpful that I can say about your situation but, as a reasonably successful guy, I would take issue with your suggestion that your future isn't bright. I know next to nothing about you but I can see that you write clearly and well for a girl of your age. Based only on what you have written and how you have written it, you have a good brain and there's no reason to think that you won't have a bright future.
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A
female
reader, ffogalilly +, writes (5 October 2009):
Having an abortion is tough, I had one in April. Its something that will haunt you for the rest of your life, you don't ever get over it, you just learn to live with it. If I were you, I would seek professional help. I just could not handle working and the stress of school and the abortion, I broke down and started seeing a counselor, she has helped me greatly. Having this abortion has made me stronger, and taught me so many lessons that I never thought that I would learn. Some men are just users, and the one that got me pregnant used me and left me to handle this alone. But please, seek professional help, it will help you out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): You've certainly seen more bad stuff than any kid should, and it's really good that you're able to even write about it and ask for help. Better yet, at 16 you've seen a pattern that some can't see at 24, or 30... KUDO's to you!Ok, so you've been in two relationships at what most would consider a very young age, and you've picked some real loosers. YOU KNOW THAT- which is really good.You need to take some time off for yourself and write about what's happended and what you've learned. Writing is the key here, because when you put pen to paper your mind just starts flowing and as the words flow so do ideas that you would have NEVER had if you simply sat in the park and talked to yourself.... It's odd and wonderful all at the same time. Write, and work through your thoughts. I'd suggest also, if you can to find someone to talk to- a neutral party, couciler, aunt... someone... to get more of this out.As for loosing faith in people - and God... you need to know that there are poeple who you don't even know that will be there for you and all you have to do is reach out. Depression is a weird condition, we know (I suffer from it too) that all we have to do is start talking to someone about how we feel, and as we talk through it we feel better- YET, I usually can't make myself take that tiny step that I *know* each time I've done it I feel better... go figure.As for Faith in God, you need to redefine God in a way that works for you. IMO, we all get to design our own God- it's a custom fit. Mine's no a mean one, and I know that while I've gone through some really bad stuff that he's been there for me, and in the end I end up better than I could have dreamed. If I'd been granted my original wish, I'd only gotten 20% of what I have now... so good things will happen, but it may take time...
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