A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a dilemma and I’m starting to feel desperate I’m afraid this may be very long winded :/ but if I don’t tell someone out there how I’m feeling I will implode. First of all I should say that I have been suffering from ptsd for the last year or so after a very abusive long term relationship ended, and just recently to my surprise someone else has come along, but I’m struggling with it a lot.. sometimes when I see him which is about once a week due to shift work I feel extremely stressed out, although he is the nicest person I can’t help but envisioning crazy scenarios where he does the things my ex did, this is 100% in my head though. The biggest issue though is my job. In my workplace there are 8 workers, four are in my position and four are in a higher position. My elder sister happens to hold one of the higher positions. She is 23 weeks pregnant and starting to struggle with the work, we are on shift and have a very ridiculous roster with almost no time off.Now my role is excessively physical compared to the higher paid position and my legs and feet are starting to feel too painful and I’m having trouble sleeping due to terrible cramping and back aches. My boss has been trying to train me to do the other position in case my sister or another worker in her position leaves due to family issues. The thing is that I do not like the job at all it’s so hard to get myself to take in new information like that when I’ve already worked my shift and I’m doing overtime to try and learn. I had to do the job when someone was sick the other day and was in trouble the next day for having made a mistake when I havent had any formal training,I feel that this is so unfair because I’ve never been given the choice or asked if I was physically or mentally up to it. My boss get frustrated when people look really tired and questions them and asks why they haven’t sorted out a sleeping schedual.. as though we were all robots. I’m starting to feel desperately depressed. For the first three months at the beggining of the year.. “our work year starts in June” I did 12 hour shifts atleast 4-5 days out of every week and only for a month or so now have been on 8 hr shits but now I’m having to do 12s again to train for a job I intensely dislike without any question of how I’m coping. Everyone keeps saying well you have to do it because your sister might not make it to the end of the season. And I understand so I’m trying but I can’t shake the depression.. nothing makes me feel better.. I used to talk to my sister and my mum about my feelings but can’t anymore because they both are so focused on the pregnancy and I used to be, it used to be the one thing that made me happy but now all I can think of is how sad I feel. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone at home because the most important thing is the pregnancy and when I have tried to tell someone how I was feeling the reply was that I was being a bit selfish and not looking at the bigger picture and I can’t talk to anyone at work because there all relying on me, I have no time to see a psychologist and I do not want to burden my new boyfriend who I hardly see anyway, I’m starting to imagine doing terrible things to get out of the situation like having an accident or even ending my life, and that’s so ridiculous because it’s just a job and it shouldn’t drive me to feel this bad.I feel like whenever I have a chilled out shift at work I just have continuous terrifying memories of my ex and like.. what’s the point anymore I need help but nobody to ask and no time to find it. I know from others perspectives I should go out of my way to find help like go see a psychologist and I probably will it’s just hard finding time and I’m so sick of juggling everything. Anyway big whine over..I’m just glad that there are forums like this where a person can express themselves anonymously I guess.
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at work, depressed, my boss, my ex, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2018): Please give Samaritans a call (or email, etc, if you prefer). They're none judgemental but good listeners, I think it may help to have someone just listen to you.
You're not being selfish at all, you are important and how you feel is important. There are beautiful things in this world , I definitely think it's important to surround yourself with positivity - I know it's not that easy but please try to find a job you like , it's a big world out there. Find something you enjoy. And there are always people that care about you, even strangers.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 September 2018):
 You do have time.
You absolutely 100% have time. This isn’t a little issue here, you are having suicidal thoughts. Do you honestly think your family wouldn’t listen to you? If you told them the extent that you’re feeling I’m sure they would do everything in their power to help you. If you told them you sometimes feel like killing your self is the only way out do you think they would tell you to be quiet and think about the baby on the way?
People always use ‘I’m too busy’, ‘I have no time’ as a cop out. How do you not have an hour in the evening when you get home to browse new jobs? Talk to your mum or dad? Book an hour in with a therapist? You could do any of those things easily. If you have no time even for yourself then why did you get together with another BF? Stop making excuses! Think about this logically, you may feel like it’s adding more tasks at the minute but how much stress would it relieve finding another job with a more relaxing atmosphere? Getting things off your chest?
You are talking about your mental health here, this is a big problem. How do you think your family would feel if they found you dead after you commit suicide and they think ‘why didn’t she come and talk to us? We would have listened to anything she had to say?’ People with mental health issues always feel like they are a burden to others, it’s sad to say that some people probably wouldn’t listen or be helpful, you’re right. But there are people in your life who would walk the earth for you. Talk!
Look for another job, find a therapist. Help yourself out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2018): First-off, you are not whining. You are asking for help. You're going through a rough-patch; and this is a place for people to vent their problems and heartache. We provide advice, comfort, and we support you. I might scold you with a little tough-love; but I do it from a good place.
You are too young for being so overwhelmed. Your depression is stealing your energy, and your PTSD is overtaking your ability to concentrate and function on your job. You have no choice, but to see a psychologist; or you will collapse. You are under far too much pressure to go without professional-help. You actually mentioned in your post that you want to do yourself harm!!! That is evidence that things have gotten to the point of desperation.
You're making excuses and avoiding seeing a psychologist.
When we are sick, we must see a doctor; or the illness will on get worse. I don't know the structure of your workplace; but I would recommend that you speak to the person who hired you. You must let them know that you need time to seek medical-attention. Do not disclose or mention your mental-health issue; or ever explain any medical-problem in-detail. Even if asked, it is "highly personal." No matter how much they press and pry, INSIST that it is highly personal.
Your health-problems are none of their business! As long as you can perform your assigned tasks. If you mention you are seeking medical-attention, it's obvious enough you can't!!!
If you do physical-labor; you could hurt yourself, damage equipment, or cause harm to others. Should you faint, or lose consciousness.
Seek a psychologist, and arrange your appointments for an hour on your day off. Your lame excuse not to see one doesn't fly. You're scared of dealing with one; because you fear they will make you revisit or talk about painful things. You went and got another boyfriend, when you're too ill to handle a relationship. Let alone work!
Would having a serious breakdown, ending-up jobless, and in the hospital for long-term care; be better than seeking a doctor to help you? It's not optional, it is an emergency!
You aren't healthy enough for a boyfriend. That requires patience, strength, and the ability to give and take. You barely have the strength to do your job. You're giving-in to your depression. Yet you want to drag yet another challenge into your life you can hardly handle.
Ask your boyfriend to deal with you as you take some time to deal with your health-issues. You can't offer him much in your state. In fact, you are asking more of him than you may be able to give back. He gives, and all you can do is sit on it; while you struggle with your PTSD. That's not fair.
Speak to someone above your immediate-supervisor who handles human resources issues and sick-leave. Your supervisor only knows how to push; and is only concerned about his or her own job. So go where you're required to go; when you need sick-time, and get some rest. All that stuff about slaving with no time off is bunk! If that job is so poorly manned and managed, you shouldn't be there in the first-place!!!
It sounds like one of those places that hires desperate immigrants with limited skills; so they can work them to death with little pay! Employers like that should be publicly-outed and humiliated! Stray-dogs or beasts of burden deserve better treatment!
The UK doesn't allow people to be mistreated by their employers, or abused like slaves. You're not living in some third-world nation working in a sweat-shop! If you can't handle the job; let it go, before it permanently disables you. You'll simply have to find another job. Meanwhile, you need mental-healthcare.
So don't try to push all those lame excuses over on us. You're avoiding seeking professional-help, and that is obvious.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 September 2018):
 If we want to do something, we will find the time. If we don't, then we will find numerous excuses.
You NEED to see a professional about your feelings before they get out of hand. You NEED to tell someone you have thoughts about ending things because your stress levels are so high. You NEED to learn to cope with stress better and to get over what your ex did to you. You NEED to put YOURSELF first and MAKE time.
Have you actually considered looking around for another job? If you are being stressed out so much by work (quite understandably in my opinion), then you are surely in the wrong job? Why are you staying when it is making you so unhappy?
PLEASE make yourself a priority. Not work, not others. YOURSELF.
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