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male
age
,
anonymous
writes: I need to save my marriage! It is very difficult, because I already went to the doctor and the sex therapist, but they couldn't help me so far. I love my wife, but few years ago, suddenly I stopped feeling sexual desire and developed several sexual problems. I cant keep an erection, and most of the times, I never think about sex. Now I really dont know what is wrong with me,even the therapist says,it must be a mind over body thing. But he cant tell what it is. So ,what can I say to my wife, why is this happening,if I dont know myself? She thinks,I probably know it ,just dont want to admit it to myself. Im in a real bad situation, is there anybody there who might know what is going on, or has the same experience than me? I really need help,because I don't know what else to do.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Here are some suggestions...
1- go to asexuality.org
it is a website run by David Jay about asexuality and it is the leading source of information available for people going through what you are going through.
I did an interview with Mr. Jay, and you can listen to it for free at www.franktalks.com/radio see ep# 0505.
2-Just because you are not feeling like having sex, does not mean you cut your wife out of your sex life. Yes, it might just seem like exercise or even a chore...but you are not the only person to be thinking of here. She has needs like any human being and if you do not address her needs she will start looking outside your marriage. Put your focus on her pleasure, and not about what you can and can not do
3-There are many sex toys and marital aids that you can use for stimulation and penetration. Everything from vibrators that hum inside her, to strap-on-dongs, so you can go through the motions. There are other forms of "play" such as BDSM and so on that can be incorporated into your sexual life.
Hope this is a start for you.
-Frank Kermit
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (18 August 2010):
 If you've ruled out physical health issues then it's time to consult a mental health professional. Not a sex therapist, a psychiatrist. This came on suddenly, so there must have been some emotional trauma that triggered it, but one that's so obscure the sex therapist wasn't able to dig it out. Find a psychiatrist that you're comfortable with and who has a good track record.
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A
female
reader, almc +, writes (18 August 2010):
Give your wife lots of fourplay, that will keep her happy, try new things. Talk to her about this, she is your wife and she wants you to be open with her, she will underrstand :) good luck.
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