A
female
age
36-40,
*alibutfishnchips
writes:I broke up with my ex 3 years ago. It was a gut wrenching breakup because we really liked each other. But it had to be done because he was emotionally incapable, and I was not going to try to make him change. We didn't talk for 3 years. I turned down his numerous attempts to be friends again.It's been 3 years... It was finally okay for me emotionally to reconcile with him to be on friendly terms. It was a little nervous for me at first to be able to speak to him frankly about the way he hurt me and let him know that it was not right for him to do that. He is actually an arrogant and prideful guy. But he apologized... not once or twice... he apologized many times. It means a lot to me that he apologized for the way he treated me.Granted, I am no longer in pain over him, it's still a bit weird to talk to an ex over the phone/IM. I'm really glad he's across the country.Then he somehow brought up a conversation about marriage. He basically said that we should get married when he's done with PhD and comes back to the East Coast. He made that last gulp of water hard to swallow. What? It's beyond strange. My mind didn't really registered. In fact, I'm still at a "huh??" stage. I don't understand how that makes sense to him. Why marry an ex?I thought he was kidding at first. But then several conversations later, it seemed apparent that he might actually be half serious. I couldn't get a straight explanation out of him. He's not good at explaining himself. I didn't take it too seriously.I then left for the islands for a week on vacation with my sister. Having been absent online for a week, he texted me saying how he's been thinking about me. I told him I was in the islands. He messaged me after I came back, and said that he missed talking to me. I said "I missed talking to you too." Then he said he doubts that I missed talking to him because I was probably out with a guy on the trip or met other guys.What?? It makes no sense to me why he's being like this. It's like he has expectations of me but not really at the same time. I said I was there with my sister... and he was relieved. I asked, "Why, do you miss me or something?" Then all of a sudden, he acted like he didn't really care. "Yeah I suppose I miss you, but I'm fairly independent and rarely do I feel lonely. Sorry, I guess it's not the answer you expected." I said "No, I don't have any expectations of you." And he got confused. It's almost as though he was surprised that I wasn't at all expecting him to say he misses me.I mean, it's expected that we've both moved on and dated other people. I'm sure he has dated other people, as I have dated other people myself. I merely wanted to become friends again, because we genuinely got along well together. I was most definitely not expecting him to talk about marriage with me, or how we were so attracted to each other or got each others' humors. I suppose I really want to understand why he's behaving like this.I just wish I knew the answers to the following questions:1) Why does he think we should get married?2) Why does he wonder I've been seeing other people and then act very cold all of a sudden?
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female
reader, halibutfishnchips +, writes (19 August 2010):
halibutfishnchips is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know he's full of crap. That's why I dumped him 3 years ago in the first place. And continued to reject his attempts to be friends again. I just don't get why he's still doing this stupid stuff. I mean, it's not like he can't get other girls. He's a perfectly good looking guy with a bright future. Why seek my validation? I have dated other people and moved on. I suppose it's just for my conscience that I'm allowing this friendship to take place because dumping him 3x was already pretty harsh, and rejecting friendship request 3x in addition.
Most of the replies I have about the whole marriage thing, I meant them jokingly. But I don't know if he knows that. And it baffles me endless that he might actually be serious about this. I mean, it's fine. I don't have to respond to him. But that makes him desperate with I-Miss-You texts. Seriously. It's been 3 years.
A
female
reader, halibutfishnchips +, writes (18 August 2010):
halibutfishnchips is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo be honest, I don't plan on marrying him. I know this. He's never going to change and I'm not going to chase him either. I just really wanted to stay on civil terms with him. But he keeps on bringing up the past, not me. He's the one who initiates these conversations, not me. Because to be frank, he's not getting anything out of this. And I'm not either. So I don't get why he keeps on talking about this stuff. He's bringing drama to an otherwise platonic friendship.
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