A
female
age
30-35,
*ilverAndGold
writes:I had a childhood sweetheart whom I grew up with. We've known each other since I was two and he was three. I've loved him the entire time we've known each other. Sadly, I'm twenty and he's twenty one. We grew up together and are going to the same university. He's found someone else, who is nothing like me. I'm younger and prettier than his new girlfriend, but I feel absolutely like the world's most undesirable woman because I can't understand how someone I cared about so deeply for would have no problem cutting things off so quickly. It's none of my business what they do, but their relationship has hurt me in more ways than one. I became bulimic thinking if I was skinnier he would like me better. I'm not purging anymore, but I still have a horrible relationship with food. I know he is not perfect, and I'm well aware of his flaws but I love him regardless. To get over him, I decided I was going to avoid him as much as possible. This isn't that difficult considering the university we both attend is really quite large and we're studying different things so we never run into each other. Unfortunately, our parents are family friends so they see each other all the time. His parents both adore me, and I hate blowing off their social obligations and invitations just because I don't want to see him. We have a mutual attraction, and I know that although it is probably stronger on my part, that he definitely feels it too. He still flirts with me, still looks at me in a way that makes my head spin. Most of the time spending a few minutes with him gives me a headache because it's both wonderful and terrible at the same time. It's wonderful because I feel that he's thinking about me romantically, and terrible because I know he has a girlfriend. I'm not the type of girl who throws herself at men, I've never been, especially not at men in relationships. I keep my distance and am very careful. Unfortunately, I've had an ugly duckling-beautiful swan transformation since I came to college. I was awkward for years but now I get a lot of attention and compliments for my looks. Older men especially hit on me a lot, but it feels very strange and not flattering because I don't have any solid experience. I held out for my childhood sweetheart only to discover he had found someone else in the year that he was in college and I was still in high school.I am not asking people to tell me that we will find our way back to each other because I seriously doubt that will happen. I just want advice on how to remain poised when I see him at social gatherings and how to be gracious and get over the hurt. I'm very shy and very private and I don't want to appear hurt, even if I am. I also would like to move on with my life and see other men, but I just don't have the motivation because I'm so afraid that I'll get my heart crushed. I can't even hate his girlfriend because she makes him happy, and although I want him to be happy, I am just so dejected that he didn't think I could do it. I know all the little things about him. Please give me advice on how to move one, because it's been a year and I haven't made much progress. I also want to maintain a good relationship with his parents, because they are, especially his mother, like second parents to me. And I adore his younger brother and love him like he was my own. So please help. I can't keep distancing myself from him because I end up distancing myself from the family that has always loved me. I know I shouldn't validate myself on his attention, but I do and for once I just want to shake him and make him look at the woman I've grown up into. I'm not a little girl anymore, but I need to know how to handle this situation like an adult.
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crush, flirt, has a girlfriend, move on, older men, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (2 November 2010):
 It would be a good thing for you to finally start dating. You will get a chance to meet other men and find that there are plenty of guys who will make your heart flutter, too. Yes, you will probably have your heart broken, but that is life, and it will make you stronger in the long run.
Right now you are still fixated on him and what-would-have-been, and that is not good. You are missing out on someone who wants you and only you, who can make you feel loved and accepted, who will make you feel like the most special person in the world.
Don't worry about being inexperienced, because everyone is inexperienced at the beginning. But you need to live your life, and not stay stuck on an impossible dream. Talk yourself INTO dating. You will have a lot of fun times, quite a few bad times, and a bunch of interesting times. You will have dates you regret and dates you will remember forever. Most importantly, you will have life, and you will not be dependent on his potential attention. Confidence will follow.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, LaDiabla13 +, writes (2 November 2010):
You have to realize that you guys aren't the same people you used to be. People grow, change, and mature. We're not meant to just remain static and grow stagnant (boring right?)
Remind yourself that you now have an opportunity to see what else is out there. You're gonna see that there is a bigger world out there than him, believe me I'm speaking from experience.
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