A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my significant other have been in a relationship for 5 months, however, I've been in love with her (the love was for the most part unrequited) for about 3 years. We've started to plan a future with each other. But recently, we discussed our past and what made her so hesitant to be in a relationship and I have some doubts (basically, another guy she was seeing had her attention). I'm sure the guy is out of the picture, but it's hard to think about all the things I did to win her heart, knowing I most likely would've moved on if she told me about another guy. To be honest, I sort of knew all along, but to hear it out of her mouth just made it real. She's supposed to move to Maryland with me at the end of March, but I really need to let go of the past before anything can progress with us. Can someone give me some advice on how to do that? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017): She didn't tell you she was involved with another guy, while you were trying to win her over for years?
That's important. She was using you for your affections and keeping you on the back burner. At the very least it makes her a bad friend.
Some people will reflexively say "get over it, it's her past" but this is not that simple. You were there during that past and she was lying to you.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 January 2017):
 You both need to be totally honest before she ups sticks and moves.
YOU need to realize that most people come with a past and that their past is what has made them the people they are today. You need to work at letting go of the past, because you cannot change it.
SHE needs to be honest and reassure you that the other guy is out of the picture and that she is not setting for "second best".
Good luck to both of you. I do hope it all works out for you.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (22 January 2017):
This is a difficult situation for you to be in and as you stated....you must let go of the past before anything can progress,and on this level you are quiet right. However would you consider sitting down with your girlfriend and have a very open chat with her ,telling her how you feel.Its most important that you are Sure of your feelings for her before she moves to Maryland with you.So you must have some self talk,and MAKE SURE YOU CAN LET OF THE PAST.Otherwise maybe her moving will have to be put back until this is sorted .If in doubt about anything,its often wiser to do nothing.Think long and hard.Kind regards.NORA.B.
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