A
female
age
36-40,
*enbabe480
writes:My boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years cheated on me while I was on vacation and I'm torn. I have decided to stay with him and it has been close to 3 months since I found out. I know he feels awful but so do I, and I can't get it off of my mind. He says he will never do it again but he was under the influence at the time he did it. I need to know how to make this relationship work because I truly do love him and want to be with him. Please help with some positive advice!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2007): If there is no other option for you to accept, except for forgiving him, then do just that.Pretend it never happened and forgive him. Every time you think about what he did, just say, "blank," and try to blank it out of your head.And convince yourself that he really loves you, that he would never hurt you, that it was the alcohol that did it, and that he would never ever ever ever ever do it again. In fact, just pretend it never happened.And believe it with all your might.I don't know. I have never forgiven a cheater. I hope I never will in the future. But, if I ever "would," I guess that's what I would do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Hii, WELL I've gone through the same thing, it's been 3 months for me as well! HOWEVER my boyfriend and I broke up for a month to then test life without each other and see how it goes -- if it really meant he didn't love me, or if it really was a mistake, or a test of his own of his feelings for me...really for me it was fine, I got to do my own thing for a bit of time plus he had NO clue I was debating getting back together with him, he thought it was over forever. he was miserable. he didnt go out, he thought about me constantly (judging by what friends say, what he wrote on the internet, etc)...finally I began talking to him again at my own will and was in complete control, as I very well should have been after what the kid did to me! it's been about a month and a half since we got back together and it's really been much better. try to take some time away. see how he treats it. you need to let the situation breathe without being forced to see him every single day and be reminded of what he did. sure, it will hurt while you're apart but it will give you PLENTY of time to think and judge how he feels based on his own actions. you'll feel like a free woman who is in control of the entire situation, after he just took control and made the idiotic decision to sleep with someone else.
look, every relationship is different, but EVERY relationship goes through obnoxious trials & tribulations, from big ones to small ones. after each one, you need to assess the situation, and the relationship as a whole, altogether. it's healthy. this could be just another thing that you 2 went through together and make your relationship stronger. it could also turn out to be the end of a relationship and the start of your new life without him. either way, it's up to YOU. you need to do something to stop thinking about it though; you're giving it too much power over your life and that is what's unhealthy.
best of luck. let me know how things go, please! :)
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A
female
reader, agonyauntlisaxxxx  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 I was cheated on before... You'll never be able to forgive yourself and blame it on yourself through out the rest of the relationship. You won't be able to look him in the face without making yourself feel bad. do the right thing, leave him now while you can. he cheated on you and that's unforgiving it doesn't matter how much you love him, it won't work out. It happened to me and I'm now in a more loving relationship filled with trust.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 His being under the influence has no importance at all. He cheated.
Not to cheat is a decision. If he makes this decision, and he stands by it, then there should be no problem ON HIS SIDE OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
Now, if you feel you can't trust him, I don't see how the relationship can work.
How is the relationship going on now? Is it good, or are you two always thinking about it? If the issue is not well settled, and, apparently, it is not, you will never get over this.
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