A
female
age
41-50,
*ree23
writes:I need to know how to break my boyfriend down. He does the silliest things and always expects me to go along with them. Im talking about stuff like riding halfway across town with a spitwad of gas in the tank or go to sit down and eat at a restaurant 10 mins. before I have to rush him to work. Then he always looks for ways to get me to argue with him. He denies my affection and NEVER shows me any....ever, and I'm the type of girl who craves it. He so high on himself and his little side business that I have become an afterthought. I don't know what to do I love him but I'm at wits end. I need to know how to break this man down and acknowledge me as a woman, talk to me like I'm a woman, and overall just treat me like one. I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Change the word 'blow' to 'below'.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): And to add to all the blow wonderful advice...Learn to start standing up for yourself. Start loving yourself, by having the courage first..to dump this guy because you know, someone who loves you should never, ever treat you like this and hurt you. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, kindness, consideration, for the other person. You're worth so much more and deserve to be treated with incredible respect. As mentioned below, you are right, hun--your self esteem is low to have allowed this. Think about getting into aassertive training courses along with 'self-esteem" building courses because when you learn about self-respect, worthiness and self-love, you will never allow a guy to treat you as low as this. You need to learn about setting boundaries. Remember my dear--try out those self-esteem course. They teach you how to be assertive and know that you need not tolerate this crap. asking for help isn't a sign of weakness-it actually shows that you are courageous and you need help amking some good choices about your life. Stand tall, believe in yourself and be strong. Brave choices...brave actions...self-esteem-well earned
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 Dree23, to borrow from another ancient Chinese saying, the journey to higher self-esteem begins with one step. It's a mountain that we all climb, and it's not easy... but if you continue to take that next step, you will one day reach the summit.
Start small, like making notes of the negative thoughts you have about yourself. As time goes by I hope you will be able to cross off the negative thoughts that no longer enter your mind. If all goes well, one day you will look at that list and realize how different the world looked in the bad old past.
I don't have an easy path to recommend to you, but whatever path you decide to follow, know that it will be a long but worthwhile journey. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, Dree23 +, writes (13 June 2007):
Dree23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your replies to my question. Allow me to address you all individually:
WildThaing---You are right in the sense that he is a jerk but he didn't start out that way. About my self-esteem, well the next time you are near a toilet look down there and see if you can find it for me. To my recollection, I've never had any....at any point in my life. At my age now I am still trying to gain some. I know I will though.
Aunty Sarah---I really don't want to be alone because alone is the worst place to be in my opinion, but you're right. Neglection is the worst thing that can take place in a relationship and I am feeling it strongly with him. The thing is though I have gotten myself into a very bad situation. I basically have nowhere to go and the only place to be is with him in what he calls 'our' apartment. I don't want to be there but I truly have nowhere to go nor do I have money so I feel like I am forced to endure this. I want to get out though, believe me, I'm not one of those stupid girls who just sits and waits around for a guy to change. He's been an asshole this long then I know he won't change. I feel like Im so stuck.
gandalf555555----Ha, talk to him? Everything I say seems to set him....GOOD or bad! Makes no sense. He will find the bad in everything I say to him. If I tell him I love him he'll be like....yeah right, not as much as you love this man or that man and he won't be joking! No, this isn't someone I can talk to. Lately, he's been going off the deep ends and I refuse to try and sit down and talk to this guy.
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reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (12 June 2007):
You want validation from a man? Where is your self-esteem, your dignity?
He's a jerk. As long as you can't see this, you are destined to be attracted to men like this.
One day you might decide that it's more important to be surrounded by people that are worthy of your friendship. On that day you will discover how great it feels to have friends who respect you and that the only person whose opinion matters is you. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Sarah  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 You do not love him, you are accepting him because you don't want to be on your own. You deserve more...........more love, affection and more respect. DUMP HIM. Go out there and find a man worthy of your love and commitment. Some one who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. There will be someone out there, believe me, it may take time, but you don't need this idiot dragging you down. You're better than that. x
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A
male
reader, gandalf55555  +, writes (12 June 2007):
Just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you feel neglected and all you want is to be treated with respect and to be shown some affection. Make him realise how much he is upsetting you and make him feel guilty.
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