A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing this man for over a year during which we broke up many times because he never made me feel special,etc but i kept taking him back because it felt good to be wanted. I must add that during that whole time i thought he was single, we talked lots and i asked him many times if he had or found a gf to which he always said no.....i was the only girl-ha!. I have ended it for good a few months ago because i started having feeling for him and i finally realized how wrong he was for me. I have recently found out that he had a gf with whom he'd been with for 4 years and they broke up.I feel so HURT AND USED AND DISRESPECTED! I FEEL STUPID and i hate him for doing that to me but i need to heal now and i don't know how to get passed all thisAny advise please? Can anyone relate?
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male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
When I first got married I told my wife; "if you ever went with someone else I would rather you just told me... I will be angry and I don't know if our relationship will survive it, but I'd rather you just told me..."She agreed, and I agreed to do the same.She never did, and neither did I.I don't know what sort of integrity that was, but somehow I felt in myself it was right and correct.When somebody has an secret affair, there is actually two things going on, the secret; and the affair.The affair could be succumbing to temptation. A drunken payback for a remark said in a bitter frenzy. Whatever.The secrecy is pure greed. It's the mistaken belief that you can have more and still go back to the security and regularity of your "day-job."It's amazing how many people fall out of love after having a secret affair. An unconfessed sin of that magnitude just continues to fester like some rotten apple, eventually turning all the apples rotten.The one thing you shouldn't feel is stupid. You're not phychic so why beat yourself up over that.You, me, and anybody could have the same thing happen to them.People made of the best stuff are like "what's the point in having an affair? If you don't want to be with someone, then leave them; and if you want more than one partner, then don't get in a relationship..."Simple...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): The annonymous Responder is right. You will get over him with time. Use it as a learning experience, for instance to help people here on this site.
Do good things for YOU. Change your hairstyle, redecorate your bedroom (make it your sanctuary) If you work, make plans with coworkers to go out. If you have a hobby, dive into it! If not, find one! Create a new and exciting life for yourself!
Always tell yourself you didn't deserve to be treated like that! You are worth more, and you will find someone who will show you just how special you are!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Yes I can, I felt the same way, humiliated, used, disrespected and hurt. The healing won't happen overnite it will take time but you will heal. He's a cheater and liar, is that what you want in a man? You are better off without him. Don't dwell on it, stay busy and focus on other things. You'll get over it, I did.
GL
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