A
female
age
41-50,
*uterkup2
writes:Any advice on how to end a relationship with someone you are so attached to that the thought of not talking to them at all again brings terror and anxiety? How do you walk away from someone who you have spent every free moment with for years. The relationship is toxic, unhealthy attachment. To fix it will take more energy than I have. What kind of things can I do or use to help me get through this change in my life? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Determined Diva +, writes (11 February 2011):
 I started focusing on myself to raise my self esteem. I looked on the internet, read books, and talked to people to get help. My ex packed up and disapeared after 2 years!
No text, emai, or phone call, Nada! When I started to get stronger as a result of focusing on myself he didn'nt look so good anymore. I learned how to say no and he hit the road! I didn't even have to make him, the coward was scared of the new me. It hurts but it also feels good! Now I can move forward and be a stronger woman for my true soul mate! I was hanging on to a fantasy, but now I get to see what it feels like to be with a real man one day, and not some dysfunctional, re-invented, immature, unavailable man. You deserve better, do yourself a favor and loose the extra weight! You only live once so don't just stand there on the first step, climb to the top floor and enjoy the view!
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (11 February 2011):
 It is very hard, but it is possible...and you will feel stronger for it, not weaker. Trust me.
The steps are:
1) Resolve in your heart and your mind that this is the decision you want to make. There is no going back.
2) Gain support from friends or family or someone from this site during this difficult period.
3) Then...break contact. This means hiding out from all ext messages, emails and calls. Do NOT even read the messages and do not pick up the phone when he or she rings.
4) Busy yourself as fi_the_tree said. You can make a list of things you want to do with your time now or people you would like to see. It will be an opportunity to renew old friendships and make new ones.
5) Reach out to people if you find yourself weakening.
Your newfound independence will make you feel as if you threw off a great burden...and now have control over it. It will be a good feeling and you will have renewed vigor and focus in your life.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 Biggest thing is that you need to stay busy doing other things that aren't to do with this person. Go and spend time with your friends, take up a hobby and meet new people. Only you have the strength to move on and start a fresh. All the best :)
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A
female
reader, incendia1990 +, writes (11 February 2011):
 I've been here. Part of it may be low self-esteem issues and part maybe that you feel you may not find better.
If its the first scenario, here is my advice, one cannot, healthily nor properly, love another until you love yourself. Meaning, realize the difference between being completely selfish and realizing that you need to take care of your needs before theirs, this includes refusing to be in an unhealthy relationship.
If its the second scenario, I've found that the more you say no to dirt bags, the better the men are that come along.
You need to realize you DON'T need him, fill your life by doing WHATEVER makes you happy. You like to travel? Travel! you like to pain? Paint until your fingers fall off! Do things that make you happy and realize that you don't need him to make you happy. Realize that you are strong, caring, big hearted and you deserve better! :) It's going to be a process but I'd say stop communication with him and take a long time to yourself before getting in a relationship again. You need to have more that makes up your life than a relationship. Better to learn now than the hard way like I did. hugs. You can do it!
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