A
female
age
41-50,
*exdcgirl
writes:I'm 5 months out of a 6 year engagement and I moved to a new city to spend some time with myself and meet new men. I met one and have been dating him "B" for 3 months now, but he's been very intense, wanting to be exclusive and committed, can be controlling and immature. The intensity became too much, so I broke things off with him and started dating someone else, "C" who is very sweet and more mature, but I don't feel as comfortable or have as much fun with him as I do with B. B is trying very hard to make it work with us and I do know we have something special, its hard to find someone you're that comfortable with. Hes saying if I dont choose him, we can never be friends, even though that is what I prefer. I'm needing to choose between B, who is comfortable but intense, but willing to back off, or C who is sweet, easy going, but we dont have as great of a connection. Advice?
View related questions:
immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (27 August 2011):
 Incidentally, a quick addendum, I think your past is also significant here, did you really get out of this engagement just to settle straight back down again with a guy like C? I rather think not; even if B doesn't last forever, hes the right one for where you are now. Good luck :)
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (27 August 2011):
This sounds like an almost classic head v heart clash. In most instances you should, contrary to popular belief, go with your heart because it sees what you want much clearer than your head. So it is here, i'd say you obviously need the intensity B has to form a connection that is special to you. Obviously, this needs to be managed and you have handled B in exactly the right way, not let him walk all over you and told him what you need from him sometimes and he has responded. The friendship thing is a little coercive *but* not unusual and at least he is being straight with you over it rather than promising something he wont deliver.
B may have issues of his own which have caused this intensity and pattern of behaviour and you may have to be prepared to push him all the way, even to steps like counselling etc, to get him to manage it in a way which doesn't fatally undermine this relationship. However, assuming he can do this, if he can, this relationship actually becomes a safer bet than the one with C who will ultimately bore you and you could up unintentionally hurting quite alot. C is a 'safe bet' but that isnt enough to hold together a relationship for the long term, there has to be more there and it seems to me that right now there is no long-term prospect of that kind of connection developing between you and C.
Had he arrived later in your life, then maybe, yes this would have worked out and he would have been right choice. However, right now, he is the wrong guy, at the wrong time, so you have to reject him for both your sakes I feel, in the long run its better to be cruel now rather than scar him even more in the future. Go with B but keep your wits about you and make sure his intensity does not end up impacting you too much. Good luck whatever you choose :)x
...............................
A
male
reader, PrinceCharming +, writes (27 August 2011):
haha B sounds like a do*eche , but hey if you want a serious relationship go for C, but if your looking for a good time get rid of C he doesnt deserve that chances are he is in love with you! Serious-C, fling-B . Personally i would go with C
...............................
|
