A
female
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*itta
writes:I'm in a loving relationship with an amazing man. We're having a baby in August and we're really excited and happy. The problem is that his past keeps interfering. A few months before we met he slept with a girl in his close group of friends at university. It was only a casual thing that happened a few times and it ended way before me because he didnt want to be with her. Even though she did. She then went and slept with his friend to get back at him, but he didnt really care. She said she could never find his friend attractive and was just doing it to 'win him back' in some strange way. Of course this failed.The problem is this girl is always around. Shes now going out with the friend she slept with and is a permanent part of his close circle of friends. I know i might be a bit biased in my opinion but this girl is a slag and a real piece of work. I dont trust that shes over my boyfriend, as she took the fling more seriously than he did. I hate seeing her at his flat that he shares with his friends, knowing that this girl has had her hands on my man makes me feel physically sick. I avoid her as much as possible and my boyfriend has started to avoid social outings where he knows she will be. I dont want him to fall out with his friends but I really hate him being around her. He says losing a few mates is a small price to pay to not hurt me, but i dont want him to resent me.Im totally secure in the relationship but its the thoughts that torture me. I hate the fact that shes slept with him, knows what he looks like naked, touched him etc... I know we have both been with other people before, but its abit different having to sit and talk to the girl that the man you love has had a casual fling with.Plus this girl is trying to 'reconcile' with him and clear the air, because he stopped talking to her when we got together. She called him in the middle of the night to thank him on behalf of her boyfriend for attending a meal... Why bother?!I need some help getting past this. I need to block the thoughts from my head because I dont want it to affect my relationship or his relationship with his friends. PLEASE HELP!!!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Well first of all your BF is being a pretty good guy. He's told you the past and he's moved on. He's also minimized the amount of time around this girl - ALL for you. Which in turn might mean less time with his best friend.
What I suggest is that you let HIS past rest too. It will be hard for him to have absolutely no contact with her since she has done whatever she can to hang on. However that is HER problem. Your BF is obviously loving you and wanting to please you.
You don't have to be her friend but I agree with Anonymous that you should not stay away from social events with friends because of her. The more she sees the two of you together the sooner she will realize that you are the woman of his world.
Good luck on the pregnancy and enjoy your man. Forget about her. Ignore her. She isn't worth the time. Concentrate on you, your baby and YOUR man. Don't forget there is nothing worse then a jealous person. If you trust him 100% then there is nothing she can do. She might try, but she will fail. Keep your faith in your relationship and in your love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): Ever heard of 'keep your friends close, but your enemies closer'?
Do not fall out with this girl, keep in with the crowd and be there when she is there, be with your man and cuddle him and get him to pat your tummy to show the crowd you are both happy and secure.
This visual image will make this girl sick to her stomach BUT will help her see she cannot have him back no matter how she tries.
You suspect she is trying, little by little, to get him back. I suspect you are right, so time to get smart, and keep this to yourself, don't show your boyfriend that you are playing this game, this is between you and your inner self. All the best.
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A
male
reader, LOSTONEla +, writes (26 January 2009):
I think you have quite normal concerns, and he seems willing to abide by them - let him - do not fell guilty when he wants to take appropriate action to make you feel at ease. I do not think you have unreasonable concerns here - and I think it is perfectly reasonable for him to Pick You as his priority in life -- over this situation because of this ex. He further should promise you not to be in contact with her. It sounds like you two are in love and you want to be reassured that you are the one for him-she is a threat and needs to be out of his life. Let him do the right thing without you having any guilt - look at it as him proving to you that your love comes 1st.
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