A
female
age
36-40,
*tumo69
writes:Hi, I'm going to cut to the chase, me and my wife have been in a domestic partnership for about 3 years, we had talked about having a baby through sperm banks once she was in her last year of school which is next year, well she couldn't wait and paid a guy friend to donate some of his sperm and she put it in her herself. At the time she was telling me all this I was in shock and really upset that she had done this behind my back, she said she couldn't wait and that she did it for us. I told her that I might leave if she was pregnant due to the fact she had done this behind my back and fucked up all our plans so we argue and finally said we would take the test. When I went in the store she decided to down about 80 pills of medication, I took her to the hospital they pumped her stomach and have cleared her medically but have her on suicide watch when she was there, they tested her and the resuts were negative but she did this 2 weeks ago the whole sperm thing so there's a chance she might still be pregnant.We also have 2 kids from a previous marrages of hers that are worried about her and I'm trying to keep it together. What do I do? I love her and the kids but this is like betrayal...... what am I to do.. oh and one more thing she won't abort if it turns out she is pregnant.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2009):
 If you want to be 100 % sure she is pregnant or not - she need to see a doctor and have a blood test. They don't give false positive.
A
female
reader, stumo69 +, writes (2 February 2009):
stumo69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey so Im back thank you for all your help...shes out now she been home sick...the first day she was back she started feeling kinda dizzi she has taken about 4 preg test yet they all say negative witch is good bt somehow it seems like the test is wrong...or maybe i dont believe it because she says she is having sign of beain preg yet she has cramps like she is about to get her period...she also said that with her previouse child she was geting all the signs and she kept taking test and they were all negative dose this mean what I think it means? she suposebly was supoze to get her period today and nothing..she says she feels like crap she gets hot and then shes cold her breast hurt, she feels like throwing up can this be the flu traying to make us believe shes preg or is she really I still am not sure on wat to do if she is...I mean its a life...but I Feel so angry inside...so betrayed...regardless wather I want to take responsabilty for the child Im gona have to by law!....I want to stay but not for the wrong reasons....!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 January 2009):
I'm guessing that her clock was ticking, so loudly that it was all she could hear. She SHOULD have talked to you about it, it SHOULD have been a decision you two made together.
You can't always plan your life down to the last detail. Would be nice, but it doesn't always work because life is unpredictable and people's emotions the same.
But what the two of you need to do is sit down and talk. She has obviously made her mind up that if she is in fact pregnant that she is keeping the baby. It's not up to you to convince her to get an abortion. It's up to you to decide if your relationship is worth the work there will be in raising another child in 9 ish months.
For her to try and kill herself (and potentially the baby) seems a tad much. It was a pretty desperate CRY to you to be there for her. How ever it seemed also manipulative to me. I know that sounds harsh but I'm sure I don't know the whole story so I'm going with what you told.
Find a counselor, you both need a mediator. The two of you obviously need some help in the communications area. ( and I don't mean that in a negative way) Suicide is such an extreme act and demanding an abortion ditto.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 January 2009):
This woman cannot get pregnant right now. She is mentally ill if she is willing to try and kill her self.
She was willing to abandon her other 2 children and risk her unborn child by trying to kill herself. That is not the action of a woman in control of her mind.
Get her to a doctor and get her looked at as there is nothing that talking and hugs can do when she has gone this far. Get her treated and then work out what to do about the baby.
Fingers crossed that she is not pregnant, because I think that will give you even more problems. If she is then you will have to look at your options. It really sounds like it's the wrong time to have a baby so talk to her carefully about it. She is asking a lot of you if she wants you to stay with her while she is ill and raise another man's baby.
However, she did what she did most likely because of the illness. You married her for sickness and health and this will be a big test for you. I really hope you can stick it out and continue to be there for her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): You feel hurt you feel betrayed, but you love her, you cant ask her to abort a life she was praying for so long, I don’t condone what she did but, I understand, don’t hate her, try and work through this and get her to understand how you feel about lies, and how important honesty is to you, may the lord be with you through this and that possible little baby, and if she is pregnant love her more than what you have before, and that little angel, make sure that he/she knows that they are loved, how ever this child was conceived is not his/her fault, but all you can do is love it to the best of your ability, and please make sure that you pass that beautiful lesson of the impact of lies to that little baby good luck I am sure that you will make the right decision
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