A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I need some tips. I have my partners daughter (20) coming over to visit for the first time. They have not spoken in three years but since her Mum got a new man she has decided her Dad may be a better option. I want to be positive but I also know she is a dreadful liar, pathological in fact. Some of the language has been dreadfully violent in text messages. She can also be kind I hear, plus has similar artistic interests to me. She is having massive psychological probs, which started before the family broke up but I am sure were not helped by it. I am very worried. I also have a 10 year old son.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all. I guess I can do that. In fact I want to I have just been a bit alarmed by some of the things she has done. My partner's parents (her grandparents) told us only the day before yesterday that they feared her main mission was to tell bad enough lies to split us up. There was one point when she suggested to her sister and Mother (whilst admitting it was not true and everyone knows that anyway) that she could to tell my partner's work that he abused her to get even. She left someones house where she was staying in a mess and decided to say it had been burgled. She also said she had been mugged at work but subsequent checks with her employer showed it was untrue.
I will try my best to see these as attention seeking episodes from a mixed up girl and be teflon coated. Thanks
A
female
reader, dreamflower  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 I agree with peterPan, but I also think that this girl would respect you a great deal if you showed her kindness because of YOU...not your partner. If you only act polite and nice when your partner is around, and never make any real attempt to reach out, she'll be sure your only doing it to impress the mom. BAD IDEA! To gain this girls trust and not only fascilitate her relationship with her mother, but build one with you, you need to get down on her level, try to see things from her point of view, and just take the iniative to care. Sometimes just being a good listener can make all the difference in the world.
Just because she's had some problems before, doesn't mean she always has to be that way. It's up to you...do you want to be just another person that ignores her? Or do you want to be the one person that cares enough to help out, listen, and hold everyone together?
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (9 June 2008):
 The best advise is to follow your partner's lead and behave and respond as her example shows. Regarding your common art interests, if you feel that you two are being civil and you feel you would like to try to open up to her more, this might be your way in.
In general, I would say tread lightly. She doesn't know you and you don't know here. There's bound to be tense moments. I would say be the person you are and be mindful that she's just as fearful as you are.
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