A
male
age
,
*hitewater
writes: I need some opinions with some confusing behavior from a ex girlfriend. We met nearly 12 months ago and there was an instant attraction for the both of us,we became friends quickly and entered into a relationship for 8 months and fell very much in love. We both have had previous marriages and both experienced our spouses cheating on us which has made her a little wary I guess of being hurt again. We got on so very well despite the past troubles and we both felt this was our second chance...same interests..personalities...same dislikes...it was almost like we were related there was so much the same..I felt she was my dream come true and she said she had never been loved in a way that I loved her.. Then we went away together for a week and had a great time had heaps of fun,lots of laughs until at the end of the week she announced she needed space and completly changed like a switch was flicked off. This led to a breakup had I really had no idea why..the funny part is we keep in regular contact yet she doesnt want a relationship... still flirts... still kisses me.. still gives me prolonged hugs... still suggests we go out..it is very obvious feelings are still there.. and it been 3 months since we broke up. Because she is like a soulmate and I love her this gets a little confusing and maybe she has issues that are preventing her from making a full committment..any ideas
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male
reader, whitewater +, writes (8 March 2010):
whitewater is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying...kenj you made a point about testing me to see if I would run,she did mention once that no one had stuck with her through anything..Im the first person in her life to show committment to her..
I think the point of things moving to fast is valid to. When people are cheated on it creates huge problems so new relationships are not just cut and dried.
Many of my friends have said just forget her but you have that gut instinct that you have a future with her..that feeling its like we are connected. Its strange because Ive never experienced such strong feelings before..and Im sure deep down inside she knows this is serious but maybe she is scared of starting a new life.I know one thing I care for this person a lot and walking away seems like the wrong thing to do she has never indicated that she doesnt want to see me again and maybe I need to be patient because I dont think it is over...I think spinnaker what you said about hitting the brakes is what has happened she may be trying to run things at her speed.
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 no relationship works unless their is good communication i think you need to talk to her because you cannot be in limbo for years if their is no hope for you two.. perhaps things were moving to fast for her but unless you talk to her you wont get any answers so my opnion is that you go have a chat to her about how you feel and you want to know how she feels.. you either need to know if it might go somewhere or if it is finally over between you so you can move on and heal. good luck aphex
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (8 March 2010):
 I know this sucks, but give her the space and time she needs. Time will fix all of this for you both.
It sounds like she feels shes feels she is getting to close to you, maybe she thinks your about to propose to her and its too soon.
She could also be testing you to see if you run away from the relationship.
When you get back together she will tell you why.
My girlfriend pushed me away twice and I know the reasons why she did, but anyway the point I am trying to make is I gave her the space and time she needed, she ended up chasing me to get back together and we are still very happy together.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 A full commitment may be difficult for her as you said. Maybe she just loves the feeling of a boyfriend without all the commitment and hard work of a serious relationship right now. Maybe things were moving too fast for her and she needed to hit the brakes. Maybe she is just happy right now with her life and wishes to be happy with the way things are.
There are a lot of things to consider. Being as though you do share a unique confidence together maybe you should speak with her about it and see what is on her mind.
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