A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Gf and I dated 2.5 years, towards the end, we start taking each other for granted (I definitely take my share of the blame), less talking, more fights, etc... We planned on going to the Olympics together this summer. 2 weeks before the trip, she calls me out of the blue and tells me she thinks we should go on a break. I asked her why and for how long and she says she doesn't know, that she needed space. I figure she wanted to breakup and was letting me down slowly so I end it. I didn't talk to her again and end up going on the trip by myself.Half way through the trip, I find out she hooked up with a friend she met this summer. Coming back to college, I have a talk w/ her, finds out she actually slept with her friend. Apparently, he's liked her this entire summer (which she claims she didn't know about until after we broke up). He was in town, she invited him to stay at her place as a "friend." He shows up, tries to kiss her first thing and she pulls away. They spend the next day going around town, that night, they end up going to a party, have a little alcohol. Going back to her place, he makes a move and she doesn't say no this time... The next day, she realizes what she did and kicks her friend out of the house. 2 days later, pictures from the party get put up on facebook and I block her. Almost immediately after, she starts contacting me, telling me how much she misses me, still loves me, etc...Fast forward to today, it's been a month since I've gotten back to school. We've started hanging out again, trying to take things slow. We've had some long talks; she's told me that she's learned from her mistakes and doesn't want to hurt me again, and we've talked about the problems with our first relationship and how we can try to resolve them. I know that she would never cheat on me (she doesn't talk to her friend anymore) but I did lose a little trust in her. The biggest obstacle for me is, every now and then I still think about her sleeping with another guy it still really bothers me.I love her and do care about her, but it doesn't feel the same as the first time. Part of me is scared that this will happen again, that she thought the grass was greener on the other side and realized it wasn't, even though she promises that it wasn't the case. Another part of me thinks that she truly did make a mistake (why else would she kick him out of her house and never talk to him again?) and didn't mean to sleep with him. I don't know what I should do now, to make things even more complicated, we're both seniors in college and applying to graduate schools so if we want to be together next year (I don't want to do a LDR), we have to decide relatively soon. Would love to get some advice, thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): I wouldn't get back together with her. She had curiosities obviously with other men, she isn't ready to just settle. Maybe you'll be the guy she wants to keep coming back to, but sometimes, the timing just isn't right for you to have a long term relationship.
I had a similar situation (dated 2.5 years about). Except my ex didn't even have the decency to tell me she wanted to go on break, it was obvious, in retrospect, she wasn't interested in me all that much anymore, but girls sometimes won't leave you out of guilt, or maybe doesn't want to hurt you, or what not. This doesn't apply to you probably, just explaining my situation. She basically told me she cheated on me, after 2.5 years, very recently with another guy. She was sorry, etc. 2 months later, I bump into her, and she says she wants me back. I was like, fuck no, I moved on.
or at least, that's what I said at first. Choosing between the right decision and the things I wanted were different things. I did get back together with her, but you know what, I never trusted her again. I couldn't return things to the way they were. At that point, I wasn't even interested in having a relationship with her, all I could do was make booty calls, once a week. It was irreparable, and once she realized it, she called it off soon after.
That's my story anyway. Truth is, nobody can tell you what to do. I half realized what I was doing getting back together with her, it's crazy. It took some willful self delusion to think I actually still cared. I did what I wanted to and I didn't let my dignity get in the way of what I wanted... and since I was just feeding my ego at that point, the result was that i ended up disrespecting her as much as she disrespected me.
No one can tell you what to do.
A
male
reader, andrew2008  +, writes (3 October 2008):
In all honesty your where on a breakFriends...
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