A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for answering my question at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-become-better-at-dating.htmlI can't really leave my voluntary job, as I have too many projects on the go, been there since 2007, and I enjoy it. As for the advice about organized hiking, or "walking" as we call it here in the UK, I do go on a weekly walking group - but there's only one disadvantage, most of the people on it are 50+ (my friend goes, he's 48, lovely guy!) so whilst I can make friends, the prospects for romance are low.As for the cliche "You find love when you least expect it", I'm not sure if that's true or not. One book on Asperger's said you have to try and get better at it, but it's easier in theory than practice.I live at home with my parents, and they've taught me the ethics of Internet safety, so if I'm scant on personal info/details, that's why.I can make friends with women, but as it said in a book about autism/Asperger's syndrome, flirting skills are poor. I compliment women by telling them they are beautiful but have poor flirting skills, I avoid chat-up lines, maybe because I learnt it was bad off a Late Night Love radio show years ago. I always end up being friends with women, but never being their boyfriend.As for dance class, I was worried about it being seen as unmanly/unmacho (that's what some people in my area see it as) but I assume you're talking about dance class like Strictly Come Dancing-style dance?On the issue of finding women who have common interests, given that I like cars, automobile-related classes would seem appropriate, except that I can't drive for medical reasons (DVLA medical grounds) so anything driving-related is ruled out; where would I meet girls with a similar automotive geekish bent (other than online, which I don't want to do).I had thought about courses, but struggle to find anything that interests me; probably because I did my degree in IT and business systems in university from September 2004 to mid-2007 onwards. I didn't really participate in social life there, just flitted about to the library and travelled around when not in lectures; it was a case of go there, revise, relax(rinse, wash and repeat) and I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing avoiding the "student social life".I am poor at asking women out and flirting; although I'm confident at meeting new people in a business environment and giving presentations, in my personal life I'm weak with those interpersonal/social skills.I would appreciate any further advice in how to become more confident.
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female
reader, Caftin +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I don't know an awful lot about Asperger's or autism so I will apologise in advance if my advice doesn't really fit in with it.Would you ever be willing to just risk it like other guys do? Approach a girl you like, when she's alone (I find when they are with their friends, the guys seem more nervous), and just say "hey, would you like to go to the cinema with me? And maybe get something to eat afterwards?" It is scary and you don't know the outcome, but all you can do is try and if it doesn't work, be like "Ahh right, it's okay, no harm in trying I guess, hope we're okay regardless! :) "As for where to meet your girl with the same interests as you, now that's tricky. It's the reason why dating sites are set up so you can just put your interests on there and see who is compatible rather than hunt down area's they MIGHT be in, find them, then try to strike up a conversation with them.I think another good element of online dating is that you're in the comfort of your own home, you can revise what you say before you click "send". And if it all goes wrong you can delete/block them. And if it goes well you can meet up and THEN the natural process of dating can happen, with the nerves and giggling, chatting and what not :) Also, you would want someone who would be understanding of aspergers and autism to make things easier for the both of you :) Hope this helped and I hope everything works out for you!! :)
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