A
female
age
36-40,
*abeen
writes:my boyfriends ex wife is still living in the house.she pays no rent and does not contribute to purchasing groceries or paying housing expenses. she is always using his money on her personal entertainment. Instead of being grateful she is always bitching. My boyfriend says this is not right and it is becoming an issue in our relationship, but he is from another culture and another city and I don't feel he understandably she is always bitchy and complaining.it has been two years and she is still jobless, she is always getting tickets and reckless person with no class or manners. what can i do to get her out and be independent?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (25 July 2013):
why are you dating a person who is living with his ''ex wife''? how do you know that they arent together? how do you know he isnt lying to you? Im not trying to burst your bubble but this is an extremely suspicious situation
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 July 2013):
 Why doesn't he kick her ass to the curb?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): The easiest resolution to your problem is to have your boyfriend spend most of his time at your place; until he and his ex-wife work out their living arrangements.
If he is of another culture, he may have a responsibility of taking care of her; and there may also be some issues with immigrations while her citizenship status is being resolved. They may not be legally divorced as he claims. You offer no details; so I'll go on the limited information you've provided. The lack of details is most likely deliberate.
Most women would not put up with the complicated situation you're in. So complaining about it really makes little sense. If his ex-wife complains a lot, it's the reason she is his ex-wife. He keeps her around, so everyone may as well get used to it. Why get a job and be independent, if you really don't have to?
Why is she still there; and why do you think it is your responsibility to get her out, and not his?
If I were a woman, and in your shoes; I'd get out of the situation and find someone who lives alone, and he himself
is independent.
The less baggage a man has when you commit to a relationship, the better off you are. A live-in ex-wife should have sent you running in the opposite direction to start with. You just inherited his headache. Just leave when you've had more than you can take.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (23 July 2013):
 Hi Sabeen,
I don't know what sort of divorce settlements they have but unfortunately it is he that can ask her to leave. If the issue is with alimony hence he still responsible for payments to her, one suggestion might be for him to leave the house, move in with you so you can split your rent together? if he is indeed serious about your relationship he should be thinking of ways to make this impossible situation go away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 July 2013):
 You can't. That is SIMPLY not your job.
ONLY he can kick her out, and ONLY SHE can become independent for herself. Right now, she has no reason to do so, no motivation, she gets it all handed to her.
I would walk away now, this is NOT going to change. She will ALWAYS expect for him to pay for her way. You will be an after thought. She is still his #1 priority.
It MAY be cultural, and if so, what do YOU think is realistically going to happen?
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