A
male
age
26-29,
*am!
writes:PLEASE HELP! Okay, well I have been to the doctors about depression and they are just saying it's harmones but I am lower then average. I have used marijuana a few times to make me feel better and use it I don't have a lot. I don't smoke it regularly but the marijuana isn't the point. I have been through a lot this year.Let me first start of with my mum. For a good 5 months, she's been in and out of hospital with long period stays up to a week. When this happens I feel lonley, I do see her when she is in hospital but it really upsets me and when she staying in over night my dad will stay there too! This leave me and my sister on our own in the house for a few days with my dad popping in and out during the day to get things for my mum. Sometimes it's just me, my sister goes and stay at her boyfriends. This get's to me loads. ''/Next, I have found that I have real bad mood swings, I go from being happy to really depressed. When I feel low I just sit in my room, listen to music in the dark and if it gets bad enough then I will self harm. I have self harmed for about 1 year and a 1/2, and I feel everytime I do it, the cuts get deeper. I do have some nasty scars from this.I find my self feeling sick after eating small portions of food when I feel depressed, eating and average amount makes me feel sick and has often lead to me vomitting. Where as when I feel happy I can eat loads. When I'm sad, I simply do not eat!I have had a few massive arguments with my girlfriend wich do not help to everything I feel inside and I don't want to go into detail about the arguments we have had. All you need to know is that they help upset me.So the real question is, do I have some mental depression issues, or an illness like bipolar? Is the marijuana making these emoitons worse? The doctors haven't really helped me, they just blame it all on hormones and stuff but I know it's not, I want to know what is actually wrong with me if there is anything wrong. So, if any of you know about this sort of stuff please tell me what you think it is and how I can perk up without self harm or marijuana. Thankyou for reading and a massive thanks for anyone with answers in advanced!!!!!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 November 2011):
Hi. Perhaps what is really needed here is finding a better way to de-stress.
Anxiety seems to be a major part of your problems on a regular basis.
So finding a way to relax your body, will also relax your mind.
You have said that you didn't feel much different after going for a walk. And that's probably only one walk that you did, isn't it?
When I mentioned walking, it's meant to be done on a regular basis. Every day preferably. It needs to be a routine part of your day.
And in between walks, and any time of the day - or night - do some slow, deep breathing. This also needs to be done on a regular basis.
This following method, will give you an instant way to relax.
How you do it is:-
(1) Take a long, slow, deep breath in - to the slow count of 4.
(2) Hold it "In" for the count of 2.
(3) Breathe out slowly - to the count of 4.
(4) Hold it "Out" for the count of 2.
Then repeat this 3 or 4 times in total. All counting must be done slowly.
I learnt this method of relaxing in yoga class many years ago, and it is excellent and it really works. Instantly.
In total, it will probably only take you about 3-5 minutes to complete.
Whenever you feel anxious or tense in some way, do this slow deep breathing.
Not only can it be used for anxiety, it also works extremely well with pain management.
I urge you to try this, instead of automatically reaching for the marijhuana. Marijhuana has serious side effects - slow deep breathing, has none.
Make it a regular part of your routine day.
Please, give it a go.
To see the full effect of both walking and the slow, deep breathing, they both must be done every day - especially the breathing technique.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011): Well not smoking dope is a start. Next try to see stuff from your parents point of view and your sister (probably been told to keep an eye on you but would far rather be with her boyfriend and mates) Your brother - he sees the situation but his girlfriend will want alone time with him also and she will come first.
In other words you are all thinking of yourselves and what you want.Everyone fights with their siblings but it doesn't mean your not loved.
Instead of sitting in your room thinking you are neglected and misunderstood, go get some professional help so you can get your head round everything thats going on.If the doc says its just hormones (which some of it may be) then insist on another opinion.
At least you go to gigs, thats something, maybe you should set one up of your own, plan it and sell tickets etc for local bands.
I hope you can sort your life out soon and your mum gets better before long.Take her some flowers, tell her you miss her.
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A
male
reader, bam! +, writes (29 October 2011):
bam! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for all the answers! In all fairness I thought this question would've ended up with like 2 maybe 3 answer, nice to know people care even if they're people on the internet who I've never met. I have tried your advice, I was offered to go smoke some weed but I didn't! I went off for a walk, how ever I didn't really feel the difference. I just don't know where to go next. :/
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 Please accept my commiserations as your current situation sounds horrific.
And it sounds like the NHS are fobbing you off just as they tried to do so to xThe Almighty Duck. But she has gone forward and so can you.
Please approach your local Citizen's Advice Bureau and find out all the resources available to help you. A good Social Worker may be able to help. But never "put up" with a Social Worker who is ot "working effectively" for you. They can be replaced.
Same with Doctors.
Not all Doctors are equal.
Ask for a second opinion. Do so respectfully.
And also try some of the following resources. Because there is MORE help out there than you relise.
Your health is very important and you do deserve the best possible care.
I know this is a big list of Links.
But please try to work through some of them.
AskFrank and the Samaritans I especially recommend
Remember your illness is NOT your fault
Your brain is an organ in your body.
So is yoour Heart and your lungs and your liver.
Any organ in your body can get sick and need help.
Even your skin is an organ and even that can get acne.
And all you need is proper treatment to work towards a better state of health
Ask for what you need. Do it respectfully. And calmly.
Do not allow mean family to upset you.
Here are the links. Hope some are helpful.
http://www.samaritans.org/
Drug advice to end addiction to drugs links
http://www.talktofrank.com/
http://helpguide.org/mental/drug_substance_abuse_addiction_signs_effects_treatment.htm
http://helpguide.org/topics/relationships.htm
Improving mind body and spirit
http://helpguide.org/topics/mind_body.htm
Addictions
http://helpguide.org/topics/addiction.htm
Abuse
http://helpguide.org/topics/abuse.htm
Kicking smoking
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/quit_smoking_cessation.htm
depression
http://helpguide.org/topics/depression.htm
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A
male
reader, bam! +, writes (29 October 2011):
bam! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont think going to doctors will change anything, they sent me home before then they will do it again. They said it's hormones but you are lower then average. I don't have any family to stay with. My dads side of the family lives in scotand (We live in England) and all my mums family have work and jobs and Id just alone in there house. I have a brother and hes 21 and hes moved out, it's weird cause I ask to stay round his quite a lot and if his girlfriends away he will let me but if she's there then she doesn't like me coming. She's nice but i duno, she just doesn't want me there so I don't see the point in asking. There isn't anything to do in our town unless you have money, i spend my money on gig tickets and thats something I like going to but it's expensive and only happens once or maybe twice a month. I don't really have any close friends or that many friends so I don't really have anyone to go do things with. When it's school days and im in routine I still don't have an appitite and still have trouble sleeping. I have an awkward relationship with my sister, we had a row yesterday and this is how ever it normally is. She was on the sofa with her boyfriend watching tv while im in the kitchen doing the dishes, wiping the surfaces and sweeping and while I do those things she says things like 'Stop being selfish you never help out around the house you clearly don't care about mum' and stuff like that. I just walked in and got the sweeping brush and like threw it at her and went to the bathroom and let my self be alone and cry. A few minutes later she comes up and stands outside the door calling me a brat, sefish, and she tell me im pathetic. This made me want to cry
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (29 October 2011):
 Go back to your doctors ask them to refer you to a mental health clinic for adolescents as you need help right now Don't leave too long you get somewhere, as doctors may be qaulified to do this and that, but only you know what it going on in your head.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (29 October 2011):
Hello, i am 14 and at the beginging of the year i was not well, suffering from depression and even though the doctors wouldn't diagnose me, i felt terrible and sad. I was under the nhs childrens mental health service, and they would not help me. They classed it all down to hormones when i was practically crying out for help, they said it was normal teenage behavior They would not help me and i was so distraught, i managed after a long fight to get over the depression but now i am fighting my anxcityMy Mum is not well and that does not help. Avoid things which make you feel worse like music, even though you may feel like it helps. Give the weed a rest it could heighting you mood.But your feelings are not solely based on weed and anyone who says it is are wrong.You know your own thoughts and feelings and if you feel like crap go back to the doctors say your not happy and you can't deal with it anymore ask to be refeared to a childrens local mental health center. They might help youi will tell you now no matter what anyone might say about hormones and, gorwing up, blah blah blah. If you need help you need help. Ask for Help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011): well first stop smoking the dope, it causes moods to change in some.
Do your parents know how all this is affecting you, that your alone so much? I would imagine they are focusing on your Mum and her getting better... which leaves you out in the cold. Do you have a relative you can stop with,confide in, a gran or aunt?
Spending hours alone is no good for anyone, so I hope your going to school, you should find other things to do after school, sport or exercise,that will give you an appetite too.. anyhtings better than sitting in a darkened room.
Its hard coping when your lifes out of routine,no mum around but it happens and she has to focus on getting better and your dad will want to be there.Do jobs around the house to help,surprise them by doing the cleaning or washing.
Try talking to another doctor too,dont bottle it up,be open as you have on here.
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A
male
reader, bam! +, writes (29 October 2011):
bam! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys! there are a few things that i had forgotten to mension, espically to Dorothy Dix's answer. I don't what you think's wrong with my mum but it's not anything to do with her periods and stuff. All it is she feels 'Pressure'in her head, not pain but pressure. today will be the thrid day shes been in hospital without coming home. MY sister and her boyfriend have stayed at our house tonight and they're fast asleep right now. Dorothy Dix, you aslo told me to go see my mum in hospital and I don't know if I mentioned in my question that I simply can't, my mum is too close to more and when she's in hospital I rarely see her. The fact is that it upsets me too much, seeing her being rigged to monitors, having 'drips', nurses coming in and out doing weird therapy tatics ending in 'puncher'. (acupuncher, lumberpuncher. Please excuse spelling) she's had the lot and nothing seem's to be working. A few month's ago, I did do a lot of exercise! I was interested in Ice skating(Hockey style), in-line skating and BMX riding. To be honest I was quite good and I really enjoyed it but I can't do those thing's amymore. There was a robbery set up by a lad I know, a year older then me. He set up for some thugs to come down and beat us. Once they had beated us they took our (Ours meaning me and two other mates) bikes, wallets and phones. At the time the smart thing to do was obviously call the police, so we did. I regret it though, they always hang around the skatepark and I've been down a phew times since the accident but they always try to approach me and give me dirty looks and a couple of times I got threatend. The reason I stopped Ice skating was because the ice arena is in the city centre, these lads would go and none of my mates really wanted to go anymore. I do think the boredome of not being able to do my hobbies anymore did lead to smoking pot. It was in the summer holidays, was me and one of the other dudes that got mugged (hes a good mate) and we though, well we have nothing to do so we went back to his and his dad has like a alcohol cabinate and we made up a bottle of drink and mixed it all together with coca cola and got drunk. The next day after that, we realised drinking wasn't for us! That we don't want to be vomitting and wanting to party, we need something to calm and chill us out so the next day we smoked pot. In the summer term I think we smoked pot about 7 - 8 times, something around that. After I did it once I found it to be my 'escape'. By the word 'escape' I mean it made me happy, made me forget how bad life was going and just let me chill out and forget everything, so it kinda became something I'd use when too much had been bottled up. Self harm was the same really, but instead of feeling chilled and happy when I did it, it was a weird feeling. When I cut it just felt like all the pain and anger was just ecsaping and it became something I'd do excessively. I can remember doing this for about 4 nights in a roe and each night I would end up with over 20 cuts. They were quite deep and left some bad scars :/ Both my upper arms and both my upper legs are just made up of scars. When I first self harmed, I couldn;t hide it in gym/pe class, some of the 'cooler' and 'popular' boys saw them and started calling me and teasing me. They would call me emo and dirty greb. I had been told to kill my self a few times, was tempting though. I just feel everything bottles up then I smoke and cut then I've escaped. Then it would bottle up again and memories of past things that got me upset made me want to do it again on top off recent events and obviously it escalates. My sister saw one of my arms when I got out the shower and went to my room and she asked me whats all these marks on your arm. I paniced and was like ohhh um I feel over and she went back to her room and I thought that was the last of it. About a week later my parents called me into the kitchen and shut the door. My dad said what are these marks on your arm. He forced me to show him and my mum them and then to strip to my underwear and they were upset to see all of this. They threatend to send me to therapy but never did. Since then I have self harmed in my armpits and on my inner thighs and havent been caught. How ever during all this I have kept up good grades, I'm not really popular so theres no point trying to show of in class so I work and I'm getting results. I don't want to see a coucellor because if I tell them that I have been smoking weed then they will probably tell my parents and my dad will kill me and it will aslo upset my mum so I don't see that as an option unless I don't tell them about the weed. I have nothing to do in spare time, all my couse work and homework is done in class so I have nothing to do at home so I find my self bored. I don't like video games, but I like music. I try and focus on making my music better when I feel low but instead the idea of cutting and smoking pot appeals more. I don't know what is wrong with me anymore. I barley sleep, I barley eat and don't leave the house this much. See where I live (UK, England) the time is 3:55am and I am not remotley tired and I will pribably end up going to sleep at 5 or 6 and then I could sleep the next day away. But the doctors have said it's hormones so I don't have like AD or Bipolar or anything could I? thank you sooo much aunty bim bim and dorothy dix. I am going to try and use your advice. Thanksss
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011): Do you exercise at all? I am sure it will help you. When you feel down, instead of staying in the dark just push yourself to go out and at least walk. If you have a close friend just hang around and do some activities that you enjoy. If you have a problem you should talk about it with your father I know it is hard because he is very busy with your mom now but he should know. Also you can ask your sister to stay with you when your parents are not home. I have been like you when I was 19 and had cut myself too. I am lucky that just one scar left on my leg! But now I regret it. Please don’t hurt yourself. When I think about it I just wonder that why I didn’t help myself? It seems that you have anxiety too and it’s because of your mom’s health issue. You definitely need medication I don’t know why they have left you with no treatment! Change your doctor and try to see another one.I Hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (29 October 2011):
Hi there. A major part of your problem seems to be loneliness.
Your mother seems to be in and out of hospital on a fairly regular basis, doesn't she?
And your father stays at the hospital to be with her, which is understandable, I suppose. Although you are still a child and he needs to be at home with you more, at night.
You shouldn't be left alone quite so much.
By the age you have stated here - 13-15 years old - you are still at school, aren't you?
So with that in mind, it might be wise to visit a school counsellor and discuss it confidentially with them. It's certainly worth a try, for sure.
Now getting onto the marijhuana. It can be used to help a person feel calm, and often is. However cannibis can make depression worse or can even cause permanent depression, where it previously didn't exist at all. And without a doubt, regular use of it will change your moods completely.
Any substance abuse can cause complete personality changes, such as erratic and irrational behaviour, physical abusiveness of others, unpredictable behaviour, short tempered over practically nothing at all. I am talking here about very regular and long term use of a substance.
So all the more reason to stop using it completely. Don't make a habit of using it.
The self harm you speak of, is merely frustration and a cry for help by you to the outside world. Is anyone aware of this happening? Does your sister or your parents know you are doing this?
Self harm is what some people do when they feel things are out of control for them, and it's a desperate attempt to get some kind of more useful help. So that's more likely the reason you do this at all.
You need to stop smoking the pot, because it is exacerbating the depression you are already feeling. The feeling of depression could be hormonal, but is more likely to be as a result of your home situation. You are left for too long on your own, with no company. You are lonely! You need people around you.
A better way for you to deal with the feelings of depression, would be to exercise. Exercise is a fantastic way to deal with low moods.
It's been proven that exercise releases the feel good chemicals in the brain, which brings about feelings of happiness and positivity. It's a well known fact that exercise is commonly used for people who suffer with depression. It helps, and if you exercise regularly, you can prevent depression from happening, or make it happen much less frequently.
And with regular exercise, it's also an excellent stress reliever. So with a relaxed body, there is also a relaxed mind.
Depression can often come from boredom and of course loneliness.
No doubt, you feel both of these emotions on a regular basis.
A good way to exercise that costs nothing - is to go for regular walks. For at least 30 minutes and if you feel like it, 60 minutes. You will feel slightly tired after, which is normal, and you will feel very relaxed and at peace with the world. It will also help you to sleep well at night.
There's not a lot you can do about the loneliness, apart from visiting your mother in hospital. Other than that though, keeping yourself busy once you are at home, calling your friends and chatting could help. Talking to your girlfriend on the phone or going to see her if she lives close. You could read a book, or pursue a hobby. You could watch TV if there's something you would like to watch.
The key is keeping busy. Plus, being in contact with other people regularly.
Loneliness and boredom go hand in hand. So perhaps, the clue here might be to keep your life as interesting as you can. The more fun you have in your life on a regular basis, well then the less time you will spend feeling miserable.
Keep in mind, the fact your mother isn't going to be in hospital forever. It's only going to be a short term thing.
What really needs to happen that would solve all of her period problems once and for all, would be if she were to have a full hysterectomy. That is the ultimate solution. And if she doesn't want to have any more children, well then she's never likely to regret it.
In fact, she'll probably wonder why she didn't do it much sooner.
Then if she does decide on a full hysterectomy, she will be back home again and your father as well, and everything can return to normal once more. WOW! Won't that be good?
Perhaps you might suggest this to her.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (29 October 2011):
 Hormones are chemicals, depression is also caused by our body's chemicals, it sounds like your whole family are struggling with some issues, if your mother is in and out of hospital, and your father feels he needs to be there with her. Are your parents aware your sister sometimes leaves you on your own overnight?
Believe me I know how that feels as a 13 year old!
Add your family health problems and the fact your body is doing the normal chemical thing and its no surprise you are having a tough time right now. The arguments with your girlfriend are probably a result of these tough times as well.
Talk to your parents, get them to help you put a plan in place for those nights your mother needs to stay in hospital. In all the stress and worry they may not have noticed your needs are being overlooked. They may be able to arrange for you to stay elsewhere, or have somebody come and stay with you.
I hope your mother gets better soon, and in the meantime do the best you can, try and keep things on as even a keel as possible, good luck with it all
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