A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly 6 months, he is the most wonderful guy in the world and i love him to bits.We have not yet slept together because he can't maintain an erection. I looked it up on the internet and found that it is called "impotence" but it is a psychological thing and not a physical thing.He says he is worried about making sex good for me and how he looks naked etc so that's why he can't get hard enough.I've reassured him and told him that i love him and obviously, the time is not right yet, and it'll be more special when it does happen.I know that he can get an erection because he wakes up in the morning with a huge one! But when it comes to us being intimate with eachother, he can only get half that.I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips on how we both can resolve this problem? I love him very dearly and would do anything for him. He's getting very depressed about this issue and i don't know what to do.Thanks for all your help
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female
reader, sjd +, writes (19 September 2006):
 "He says he is worried about making sex good for me and how he looks naked etc so that's why he can't get hard enough." Here is the key to your answer right here. Your boyfriend has anxiety. He is embarrassed by the way he looks naked and concerned that he cannot please you the way he wants. So you can help him by working on his confidence. Can he get an full erection by you handling him? If so, this is most definately anxiety. Sexual anxiety is very common. It probably started b/c of his depression or low self esteem and every time that he cannot get it up only increases his anxiety. So what you can do to help is, reassure him of your attraction to him. Add a little extra foreplay with him. Make sure that when he cannot get a full erection you don't seem disappointed. Let him know it is ok that you will get it next time and you are willing to be patient to make it work. If you get stressed (i know it is hard...I have been there), it is only going to make it that more difficult for him to get it up. If he cannot get a full erection by your handling it, ask him if he can get a full erection if he handles it. If not, I would get him to go to the doc...but I am fairly sure from what you have described this is not the case. If you still cannot get him fully erect, try and get him to "help" you. Once it is fully erect, do things that make him feel good. If you can get it to the point where you can successfully have sex, you should be good from there. If not, there are a whole bunch more steps you can do. This is a tiem consuming process, it may take you a few weeks so be patient. Remember, it is not you so don't take it out on yourself. If you cannot get it to work from what I have told you, feel free to message me and I can give you some more in depth procedures (I had to take a lot of sexual psychology classes in college). Good Luck and I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): morning erections only mean that the guy has to urinate. if your b/f was depressed prior to this, it is the reason... depression= impotence, tell him to see his doctor to check him out, and it is also a possiblity of him thinking too much about having sex... be patient with him, as time passes it will work.
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