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female
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*elpmeplz
writes: I have recently split from my partner and the father of my two children. He has moved back in with his ex. Why do we always argue? He says he doesn't want me back but still brings up the problems from the relationship. How can we resolve our problems and get on for the sake of the children?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2005): The reason you may be arguing right now is because he's still in the anger & emotional pain "stage" of the process to accepting the end of the relationship. You are likely in the "acceptance" phase and have come to terms that the relationship is over. He will get to the stage where he will eventually, leave the old battles behind and adjust. It will take time, and you may just have to bide your time until he gets there. .
But my main concern is "what is he saying to the kids about you?" Anything derogatory remarks about you to the children, could be very damaging to the happy, healthy developement of the kids. And he will pay a heavy price, years down the road.
He needs to realize that although you two have split up..you both still must co-parent the children together.
The children need to know that there are still TWO parents who will love and care for them, even though those two parents no longer wish to be together.
If you can, sit with him and do some personal negotiating-try to make him understand how his arguments are hurting the kids. I imagine they have witnessed some of these toxic interactions with you and your ex. I would also advise that the two of you get involved in "parenting education" program to learn what happens to the family after a breakdown of the family. You can take it at different times so you don't have to do it together. But these sessions are very informative and very helpful.
Good luck
Irish
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