A
male
age
30-35,
*.A.S.
writes:Hey there Dear Cupid I have a question on Romance, I'm young and naive when it comes to this so bare with me.As of three months ago my ex and I were forced to split up by her parents. We have known each other and been best friends for 7 years now, great lovers for 8, we had a relationship full of love and absolutely no fighting of any kind...it was perfect. We planned to start a life together and were in the process of doing that when her parents made us split up as they both found out we tried smoking weed once. We tried seeing each other over the next few weeks but her parents caught on and threatened to take everything she worked hard for and cared about away. Over the next few days emotions ran high and things were said that shouldn't have been. I felt she hadn't confronted her parents good enough and asked he if she even loved me at all. She felt my good nature was fake and questioned who I really was.Needless to say, we both didn't handle ourselves to well. During a social gathering several weeks later I could tell she still had that same look in her eye for me that she had while we were dating. It was hard on both of us constantly checking each others Facebook to see what we were doing so I deleted her. A day before valentines day she messaged me, she asked what she did wrong, she said she would continue to hide away at home as to not make it awkward on our friends. I felt she was reaching out and that she felt lonely...I felt bad but I stood my ground and told her she did nothing wrong, I needed to take a step back and that this wasn't good bye.She was hurt and angry and felt as if I was deleting her from my life even though I wasn't...that was the last we said to each other.A few days later my friends saw her at the movies with her best girlfriend, some others they knew and a few they didn't. One of the guys was leaning on her shoulder. My friend asked her who it was and she said "A good guy I met a week ago". Red flags went up in my head, it seemed strange to me that she would almost reach out to me in a way and get her best friend to see what I was doing occasionally and then all of a sudden be with some guy. So my friend confronted her again.He asked her, "Hows the boyfriend?", she said "Hes not my boyfriend, hes moving to Victoria in a few weeks and hes just company because SOMEONE isn't in my life". My friends and I agreed that SOMEONE was me. He asked if there were having sex or seeing each other and she said "No that would just be low".My friends are saying shes deleted and untagged herself from some of the pictures where we are together (I would expect that), but that shes kept herself tagged in pictures where were somewhat close and not obviously....so I feel as if she obviously hasn't moved on. She also gets her best friend to ask me occasionally what I've been up to....things her best friend doesn't normally do.To get an understanding of my ex's head shes a very romantic Woman, shes always loved Romantic movies and has a bit of a Hollywood fantasy about her. Shes a great and loving woman and tries her best to please people.She has confidence issues, and sometimes I feel she changes herself sometimes to the extreme just to fit in with others. But she was her normal self around me...believe me.My friends say in her pictures that she seems lonely, and all of that stuff. Shes always been someone that I could trust and go to for anything and tell anything, the feelings mutual for her as well. So I know this distance is killing her as much as its killing me.So my question is this....and please help me out here. I spent a month writing her a letter....not a letter to get her back but just things I needed to say to her and that I wish I had told her.In this letter it lets her know I do love her, that I was a fool to question her love, it says that I hope she follows her sports dreams and that shes so close to reaching them to never give up. It has an apology to her parents, and that they are so proud of her.The rest says why I love her, and what makes her a great person, it also states that I'm one hell of a lucky guy to have been with her, it says I want to work at being her friend. The end of the note is a question. After 7 years of friendship and love and after all that's said and done where are we?I ask her to look deep inside herself and if she is able to throw away what we had with no regrets then very well. I say to her that I hope she meets a man that makes her feel beautiful and loves her with all he is because that is what I was trying to do.But if there is a part of her that does care then I ask her to get a hold of me, I told her I think we both owe it to one another to sit down like two adults without the yelling and talk things over, I told her again I just want to work at being her friend.That is the note, what do you think?Its going to be in a package that has a few of her things (She practically lived at my house), it will also include the valentines day present I was never able to give her. Its a diamond necklace that has a symbol of past, present and future on it. There's also a box of coca cola because she loves the stuff and a poster of her favorite Glee character.I plan to drop it off at her house this weekend, what are your thoughts dear cupid? Good idea or bad?
View related questions:
best friend, confidence, facebook, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, B.A.S. +, writes (4 March 2011):
B.A.S. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the quick answers. Her parents really liked me and always have but when they found out her and I tried weed they lost there trust in me and put all the blame on me.... I know where I went wrong. Also I just plan to leave the box at her doorstep with her name on it and something like super secret package. I'm very worried to try to confront her as of right now as she's a very fiery tempered woman and acts on impulse sometimes it may sound cowardly but I'm trying to maximize my chances of her bringing the box up to her room and opening it and then realizing it's from me. Thank you for the suggestions I will add them into this, any thing else I should do or prepare for?
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Yes, give her the letter! It's obvious that the two of you are still in love, so don't give up on her! There are a couple things I would add to the letter. You need to tell her you would rather be her boyfriend then her friend. Also, your words and actions over the last month make it seem like you are not interested in her. Let her know that you are still in love with her.
If you don't mind me asking, why won't her parents let her date you? If her parents don't like you, are you sure they will give her the letter and gifts if you leave it with them?
Don't give up on this girl! Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Why were the two of you split up? Is it because of the weed deal? It doesn't say specifically. If it's the weed deal, then the parents had a right to say "UH uh...you are not going down that road" and also to protect you both from being addicted. Maybe they thought the both of you were too young to have something so serious going on?
As for the letter, that sounds like a good idea...but like Abella said, do it when you know she will receive it herself. Don't just drop it off and run, make sure that she does get it in her own hands.
Wish you and your loved one all the very best.
...............................
A
male
reader, The13th_Floor  +, writes (3 March 2011):
Screw the letter. Love conquers all. Go after her NOW!
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (3 March 2011):
 The world is full of lovers where the things they sent never reach the person - because a well meaning but interferring relative steps in and stops them from receiving the letter/parcel.
So yes send her the love letter.
But only give it to her if you can personally hand it to her. Perhaps when her parents are not there? You are both adults over 18? So neither of you need parental permission? I am guessing here, but if you have been close for 8 years
then i expect you are adults?
And it sounds like you two should still be together
Best wishes and good luck
regards
Abella
...............................
|
