A
female
age
41-50,
*rissiehill81
writes:My question is based on me cheating on my husband. Well didn't have sex but went and stayed with another man and he believes I didn't sleep with guy but says I wanted comfort from another man. Is there anyway to make him want me again? It's been almost a year since I did this. When it first happened we decided to be over and we always agreed who stepped out had to go. I did stay for two months and he would stay at his mom's house and he did tell me he was seeing someone else and he did file for divorce.After the two months I started staying with friends and me and him was nothing. Then one day he shows up after five months of nothing he wants to sleep with me but lets me know that's all. I continued to stay other places and would go stay at our house here and there and we would have sex. Then he told me I could stay till I got on my feet and I did. At first there would be some nights he would ask me to sleep in same room with him then it got to were he didn't ask anymore or if he did he would say. He didn't want the kids confused so I'd get mad and not sleep in same room. Now we haven't slept in same room for awhile,but we still have sex and he is the one who ask or makes the moves most of time. I do to but I try not to push myself on him. He says he loves me but don't know if he can be with me that way again. We acted like friends living together but we have sex. Every once in awhile we get into fights. I try not to push him into being with me but it seems that he likes living this way. He don't go out or hang with friends. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want more than what we have. I want it all back, do you have any advice on this matter?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): You lost him with your emotional affair and wound up as a sexual need buddy. Emotional affairs usually turn sexual and has caused his own emotional issues toward you, because in his heart you had sex with this guy. You might as well have, you crossed the line of trust. No trust equals no love, no respect, lost relationship. Counseling may help, but I doubt it. Good luck
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Ok, first things first. Men are different than women in many ways, and this is one of them. Most men would be more upset if their woman fell in love with another man than if it was just sex. I'm not saying they wouldn't care about the sex, it's just the falling in love is more hurtful to them. With that said, you told your husband you were looking for comfort. One of his first thoughts was probably, do I not comfort her anymore? He may have also felt hurt that you needed to go to another man to get anything in the area of feelings. That is what probably hurt him the most. To him you did cheat and it was bad, you cheated emotionally. Will you be able to get him back? I don't know. I would suggest that you try to talk to him and tell him all of your feelings towards him and why you went to another man for comfort. If he has already filed for divorce, he may be ready to call it quits. I would give it one last try though, and don't hold back on your feelings. If you hold back and he finds out, he will be mad. You've already gone to another man, he may see that as a sign you will do it again.Hope it works out for the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Get professional couples counseling. You can't do this alone.
Really, you need help, no matter how this ends up.
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 Why don't you try talking to him. Let him know that you love him and have learned from this experience. Tell him that you want to make him happy and have your family back.In reality, you cheated and left and you agreed to move back and have casual sex with him, but at no point have you initiated a conversation regarding the future and the possibilties, because you're probably scared of his response. This is a step you must do so that you can determine and think about what is good for you. You have to think now and if he doesn't want you than it's time to move on and find happiness with someone else.
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