A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am married from last 20 yrs.my husband is 12 yr older than me . he is diabetic and so many health problems .he is not a good looking .not able to compete my feelings.imotional and physical.he is lazy.towards life.we have two kids they in there teen age .i fall in love with another man who is nice .he also is married but not happy with his wife .we share intimate relationship from last 7 yrs.i know we r wrong but i m helpless ,we dont want to disturb our kids through divorce.even i dont want to hurt my husband i love him too but i can,t keep my self away from my lover.what is the solution for my problem?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (2 April 2008):
You really have to decide which is most important for you. It is quite unusual that you have gone 7 years without getting caught and it is likely that either or both your partners suspect that something is going on by now.
What is clear is that this secrecy is costing you both dearly so that neither of you are able to enjoy any relationship the way it should be.
It would be a good idea to go an extended period without seeing, talking to, phoning, sending messages or any other kind of contact with your lover for an extended period, say 2 months. During this time you should each reflect on your marriages, what caused you to go outside the marriage, and what else could have been done. Each of you should try to remember why you married the person in the first place. Be considerate towards your spouses. And most of all just think about what is right.
At the end of this period you should hopefully have much clearer thinking about your future and what you really want to do. Whether it is to put your marriage back together or to end them and then move on. It is possible that one of you will decide to try and fix their marriage while the other wants to end it. Do not argue or persuade. But it will mean the end (or should) of your affair. Let whomever wants to rekindle their marriage do so and the other should just move on, ending what they have and prepare for a fresh start at least knowing that you are (or will be) genuinely free to act.
Be careful not to rationalise. For example your husband cannot help his health problems and that may well be why he appears lazy towards life. For him life is hard and uncomfortable and his medical problems may be the reason why he does not have much energy. However your attitude to him could make a difference. When you got married it was "for better or for worse" and right now is some of the "worse" part but you can fix this if you want to.
You have some hard decisions in front of you and no matter what you choose someone will get hurt. Even if you do nothing to change things it is inevitable that someone will find out and then a decision will be forced on you.
Good luck
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