A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well, my boyfriend and I have a decent sexual relationship. However, I wanted to try something different and interesting, but he wanted nothing of it.Most of the time when one of us wants to have sex or fool around, we dance around the subject until we finally go on with it. Well, he mostly does. Honestly, there are days where I just wish he'd just grab me and have his way with me. It's hard for me to explain what I want. I pretty much told him that anytime he was feeling it down there this week, then to take me without question. He went on the defensive as if I asked him to rape me or use me. Well, I suppose it did sound like I want him to use me for sex. I told him we love and trust each other, but he didn't like the idea. Is there a way to explain this? For him and my sake of understanding. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (1 July 2017):
 Can you show him what you would like by example? If YOU feel like having sex, just make a move on him and get passionate with him. It is often easier to copy someone else. Maybe he is just unsure of himself and is confused about limits. If he has been brought up to respect women, being suddenly asked to treat one with what he may see as disrespect will go against everything he has been taught. I suspect this lovely man will always tend to be a little "polite" about sex but, with a bit of conditioning, he MAY learn to be a bit more comfortable about "taking" what he wants.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2017): MissKin, thank you! I feel so dumbfounded how I couldn't think of the term spontaneous. I feel so silly. I'll try to see what he thinks about it in a more respective manner. You're right, I should have focused more on us than specifically on him.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (1 July 2017):
 I think what you're asking for is for it to be more spontaneous? As in, you don't want a discussion beforehand so you've given pre-permission.
Maybe you should talk to him about what HE might be comfortable with. He clearly isn't keen on what you've suggested. Tell him you want it to be more spontaneous, more passionate and see if he has any suggestions?
Make sure you make this an "us" discussion. Try not to say you want HIM to be more spontaneous and be clear that it's something you think you both need to work harder at. All you can do is try to talk to him about it and see where his comfort barriers are. Some people just like vanilla sex and don't manage to venture away from that. Try not to pressure him into doing anything he isn't comfortable with even if it seems like it makes sense to you. Try to find common ground about what you might like to try.
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