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female
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*onisha
writes: I'm 15 years old.. And I met and fell in love with a 22 year old. He never asked me to have sex.. It was my choice to give it to him. Now that were sexually involved he talks about me havin his child.. And he does things like take the condom off during sex. He's also aggressive.. He tells me if I ever leave him hell f**k me up. He also tells me that geting out of a realtionship isn't going to be easy. He's also really jealous. He's never put his hands on me.. But I think one day he will. I also think that even if he did hit me I wouldn't leave him..beacause I love him too much.. And I feel like I NEED him. What should I do? I actually WANT to have his child.. But I don't want any legal trouble.. I'm lost.
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condom, fell in love, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, malaysianfeet +, writes (24 January 2006):
You are 15. Not a child any more and not yet a woman. Do you want to commit to a possessive man and a child? Is this beautiful child to be brought up in this world by a possessive man like him? The child will be happy? A child doesnt live on fresh air and sunshine alone. You really are fed -up. Its your insecurity that wants to keep him. Therefore you want to tie him down with a child. You know that he might leave you. When he does, he'll leave the child. Or he might leave you but take the child. He is possessive isnt he? Either way, you lose. Stop using him and his sperm to garner some hold over him. You'' end up the loser. Has any reply so far been satisfying to you? If yes, then I'd think deep. You like his possessive hold on you. Rivals that of your parents, doesnt it? Why drag the child into it? You both are equally possessive. Why should you be told to leave him? You really want that. We both know you do. The issue you need to sort out is you and your possessive nature. Its a phase you are going through. Its natural to feel this when you are maturing. Just dont create the mess for the child. Get help. Quick. Then decide.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (23 January 2006):
 Please do not stay with this controlling excuse for a human being a minute longer. Is there anybody you acn speak to who will help you, by this I mean an expeienced "grown-up". I don't mean to be patronising so please dont take it that way. You need help to shake this guy off. I know you love him, but he clearly doesn't love you. Love is about respect and the mutual need to care fro the person you are in a relationship with. But even if this guy was treating you like a Queen I would say you are too young. Please go out and get some experience of the world, there is so much out there to see and do. There are so many peolpe out there to meet. New people who will treat you with the love and respect that you need and deserve.
This useless sack of skin that calls himself your boyfriend obviously has self-esteem issues otherwise why would he bully or verbally abuse someone so much younger than himslef.
I am so worried about you now! Please don't let this man destroy all that is good about your emerging adult life. Don't do it. Don't have his baby, seek advice and please GET OUT!
Big Hugs x
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female
reader, miss helpfull +, writes (23 January 2006):
o my god hunni this is all wrong!! 1st of all you dont need him!! and how can you say you want his child how can you bring a baby in to the world with a man like that as a father im sorry but you need to get out of this relationship before you get seriously hurt i can only seee this getting worst and believe me it will im sorry please im begging you 4 ur own safety he is playing with you head and from the sounds of it he is being very clever about it GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN xxxx
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female
reader, Danielle1989 +, writes (17 January 2006):
I have just turned 16 and my bf is nearly 21, I have been having sex with him since i was 15. I went to the dr and asked for advice on contraception, she gave me many leaflets. I now go to the drs every 3 months and have an injection to stop me from getting pregnant. This maybe a good option for you just in case your bf does decide to take the condom off! Also try getting him calm and talking to him, because if he truly loves you, he will be willing to do this. If he is not willing to do this then i suggest you talk to a parent or family member as soon as possible and try and sorting the situation out.
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male
reader, GLforever +, writes (17 January 2006):
 It hurts me to hear that you are being treated this way. You deserve so much better. No one has a right to treat you the way he is treating you. I don't doubt that you feel like you need him. But you also have a right to be treated with respect and dignity - this man is giving you neither.
Please consider seeking help from someone you trust -- anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): Having a baby does not save a bad realtionship...do U really want to bring a child into this world with an aggressive & jealous father thats no kind of life for U or a child. Tell u're parents or a teacher or some other adult that u really trust to help u.
Wish U all the best.X
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (16 January 2006):
 Okay, now you are very young and you are facing a situation that many older women find themselves in. The man you are with is a controlling bully and he has a very strong hold over you but you don't need him, sweetheart, it just feels like that. What you actually need is a nice, kind young man who will treat you like a princess and this is also what you very much deserve. However, you will never find a man like that while you are with this controlling and angry man.
He has his own set of problems which he possibly may never deal with but his problems will become yours when he starts taking it out on you and you have enough insight to realise that one day he may indeed hit you.
I know you love him but this type of love is wrong and it will hurt you very badly in the end. Please think about the consequences also if you did have a baby by him; you would have to protect the child as well from him.
This man knows how vulnerable you are, how young you are and he is using these qualities to control you. Is he sometimes really nice to you? I'm not going to stereotype this man (plenty of others on this site do tend to do that) as I believe all men are different and though they may have similiar traits, they aren't the same and each individual case is simply that; individual and personal. I guess there is more to this situation and more to this man than what you have said here but you need to seek support as soon as you can.
Do you have family and friends near you? Is there anyone you can confide in? You are in an abusive relationship which means you can seek help from anyone who deals with domestic violence such as Women's Aid. Such people will help you to think clearly about your situation and they will not try to convince you to leave him; that ultimately is up to you. It is confidential also.
Look on the internet for organisations that may help you. Reach out for help just like you've done here.
Legally, he could get into trouble if you got pregnant. Pregnancy mustn't be an option; you really can't afford for that to happen as not only are you very young, but you need to be able to look after yourself first and foremost and it would be too much to have to try to look after a child too.
The first thing to do is make someone else aware of your situation. Seek as much support as you can which will help you to develop confidence and independence.
My thoughts are with you.
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