A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 25 years old and have been with my bf the last 2 years - when we met I was in a violent relationship. I wanted my life to end and had been doin class A drugs but then my new bf came along and made me feel special again and I didnt think i'd ever find someone with so much in common. But after a month of being together i realised i was pregnant. When i went to the hospital for a scan and they told me i was 7-10 weeks pregnant. I was so shocked by the news it was the most gut wrenching moment. My new bf was so supportive and even came along with me for an abortion. It really messed with both our heads and when i saw the baby it was huge - at least 8 inches long, fingers, toes, a face - it was a perfectly formed boy. Since then I lost my mind. I've felt like i've lost every part of me, i dont do anything i used to enjoy. And now my bf thinks I'm too clingy - i hate to be on my own with my thoughts. I've been goin to a psychologist but it doesnt seem to make a difference. Whats done is done and once you see the things i've seen you can't undo them. I've become an insecure mess, i'm out of control and i've acted hurtful to my bf. And because of that he's started putting me down, at times pointing out how he could do better then me. Everything he liked about me when we met he puts me down for. picks apart every mistake of my life. He made mistakes too when we got together he did a lot of talking graphically about sex with exes and threesomes and cheating on them. Though he says he's changed everythings now getting on top of me and I'm clingy. I dont have family as such - only my mum whos never there when i need her. I don't live in my hometown anymore and i have a flat here with my bf and pets so I have no friends and i'm in no state to be talking to strangers. Sometimes he complains that he wants to go out without me but i literally can't take my own company and from some of the stories hes told me in the past about how hes sneaked off to have sex with other people and knowing how sleazy his friends are - it drives me crazy thinking i could lose the last thing in my life worth living for. But i dont feel special the way he made me feel in the beginning and his snide comments are really starting to bring me down. I feel lower then a piece of crap. I'm sick of the constant reminders of how I've fucked everything up. Please someone help and please no long stories about your own problems unless they're relevant i have enough of my own problems and i noticed alot of people reply with their own problems.
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abortion, drugs, insecure, puts me down, threesome, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): Keep going to the psychiatrist or try a different one. Are you on any medication in conjunction with therapy?
Your bf cant make you feel better. And if you have been putting that responsibility in him its not going to work. No one can heal your pain except yourself. You were already in a bad place before you met him. Since you never solved your emotional problems you just relied on him to make you feel better that's why now that he's abandoning you it's intolerable. You need to forget about him for awhile. He does not hold the key to your feeling better. You have to face your personal pain on your own and work through them to heal. You do this with the help of a therapist and maybe also medication.
A
female
reader, JessicaStarDust +, writes (9 May 2012):
 People reply with their own problems to give you a sense of help. Most of the people on here give advice through their own past hoping it will help whoever asks. We all answer with something of our past. We have all seen and done stuff that we can not take back. everyone on here and in this world has a "Lifetime" life moments. How long since the abortion?How long have you and this current boyfriend been together?Sadly, what you have done I did myself. (Only cause I could not carry the child) Whenever you do something like this, it's the hardest thing to move through and not a day will go by that you do not think of it. But as you said. "what's done is done" You need to move on and live your life. Obviously you did not think about this step into deep thought that you should have. You are going through a modern depression. What you need to do is open your eyes and stop with your own thoughts. (There is not a day that goes by that my thoughts of my past come back to haunt my happiness), but the whole point is to push forwards. As hard as it might seem at times.On the topic of your boyfriend. I believe he is being like this "his attitude and actions" because of your attitude and actions. Keep yourself busy to stop your thoughts. Give yourself a spa and makeover. You need to do something for yourself to get out of this mess.Your boyfriend however, should not talk to you like that AT ALL. Your partner is suppose to be there for you. Push you when you need to be and catch you if should be. Yet, name calling and pointing out stuff of the past. Is VERY pathetic and honestly childish. If he keeps pushing that then be honest, [NEWS FLASH EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD HAS BAGGAGE YOU HAVE TOO - EITHER EXCEPT MINE OR MOVE TO ANOTHER PERSON'S] --To sum it up. It is down right completely wrong for your partner to hold stuff of the past that you have done BEFORE HIM! It's stupid. He does not have a clean plate and according to what you have said I would not trust him either. What you are doing to yourself is what will destroy anything that you want to keep. It will only be your fault. BUT YOU CAN CHANGE IT. There have been many times in my life that I just wanted to give it up. I was on my own at a very young age. Started a family at a very young age. AFTER everything that I went through I knew there was some odd reason I was still kicking. Because of that enlightenment in my life I figured why not beat the ONLY PERSON IN THIS WORLD WHO HURTS ME THE MOST... Myself. Now, with the "feeling" you get. After a very abusive relationship you do kinda jump on the next guy for anything. Maybe that feeling was just an escape, Maybe not.Either way if you don't feel it anymore change it. You want to feel it clean up yourself and try to see the glass half full not empty.I'm sorry to sound rude to you, but I took offense to what you said with not wanting to hear our problems. That's how anyone and everyone helps is by their own personally problems. But hun, If you push yourself each day to keep taking a step it will get better because you will get stronger.
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