A
male
age
41-50,
*am72
writes:Hi a have a question I have a 14 year old daughter that shocked me today. she call me and was going to ask me a question and me messing with her I said no u can't go to your friends house before she asked her question and then she said forget it now all upset. so I said I just playing with u what's up and she said just forget it and we kinda argued so I said u don't have to be a jerk about it I was just joking then she tells me you are the jerk I got so mad because she has never talk to me that way and I'm really hurt to hear that from her and mad I don't know to react to this its the first time and she know better then that how do u think I should take it or what should I do. Im really pissed off or am I over reacting any help thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): I'm with Yos on this one. You started the name calling and got upset when she reciprocated. That's a double standard.
This whole thing could have been handled much better than it was. Getting into a text fight with a 14 year old girl is far beneath your age.
When she said 'Just forget it' you could have asked if everything was ok. If she said it was then leave it at that. If she indicated that she was angry you could have offered to talk things over when she got home. In either scenario you could have ended the conversation with a 'Have fun. I love you.' Whether or not she wanted to talk about it when she returned she would, at least, have been in a better frame of mind. This silly fight did not have to happen.
I don't know what else was said during the course of this spat, but from what you've posted here you owe her an apology as much as she owes you one.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 July 2011):
 You expect her to laugh it off when you call hee a jerk, but when she calls you a jerk you get mad?
Doesn't sound very fair to me. It sounds like you are not only over-reacting, but being a hypocrite, and owe her an apology.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (28 July 2011):
 I think that she is being a teenager. And welcome to the next like, 3-4 years of your life. I think that teenagers are overly sensitive and their reactions flip like switches. They can be fine, happy, smiling and then one regular ol' sentence from Mom, a little tease or a joke sends them off into a snarky-attitude laden mood. Then they get super defensive and say fresh comments (e.g. "you are the jerk").
Teenagers.
I think it would be best for you to calm down, wait for her to chill out and then tell her that you're sorry your conversation went so badly. You apologize for making your joke or hurting her feelings, but that she hurt you too. Don't demand an apology, I would let her sit on that for a bit and see if she comes around to you first.
Good luck! You're in for a bumpy ride... but she'll grow out of it. Remember, being a teenager is tough and your hormones make you extra touchy, grouchy and attitude-y. :o(
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