A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have a friends with benefits thing going on with a friend..we full around once in a while.. I try not to meet up with everytime he calls.. Due to that I'm getting emotional attached to him.. I haven't really opened up to him of my feelings.. Due to I don't want to ruin things.. But I'm really falling for him.. I don't know what to do..
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 July 2011):
 Friends with benefits only works if you are simply that - FRIENDS and nothing else. If you have feelings for him then clearly you want a relationship rather than purely sex, so this situation is obviously not working.
You have 2 options:
1. Tell him how you feel and see what happens. He might feel the same, he might not, but you will never know unless you tell him.
2. End the FWB and try and move on the best you can. By staying in the FWB you will only end up hurting yourself, you clearly cannot continue like this as you are falling for him more and more.
Either you get together properly, or end it so you can move on. I recommend you tell him and then see what happens - be prepared though that he only sees you for sex and never wanted anything else. When a man gets involved in a FWB he simply wants sex without strings attached, with someone he can trust rather than a stranger. So the liklihood of him ever viewing you as a girlfriend rather than a sexual partner are very slim, prepare yourself for that.
But at least if you tell him how you feel and he rejects you then you can move on and start to get over him, rather than living in limbo not knowing what to do.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): well you can do one of two things:
1. open up to him and tell him how you feel. Maybe he will admit the same and you can have a real relationship. Or maybe he will say he doesn't feel the same way about you but so what if this is the case, you're already FWB so it's not a lack of relationship (to him) stops him from spending time with you if you want to spend time with him. I guess I don't see how telling him of your feelings can ruin anything even if he doesn't feel the same way. I mean, he hasn't let his lack of feelings stop him from being with you, right?
In other words I dont' think you have anything to lose by opening up to him and telling him how you feel. Worse is that you continue as FWB rather than being in a real relationship.
2. Not tell him and continue to feel in a state of turmoil. and then maybe he will get a girlfriend at some point because you never said anything whereas if you told him of your feelings there is a chance he may have similar feelings back.
If you tell him how you feel, there's a chance he may share the feelings which is great. And even if he doesnt' I don't see what you have to lose if you can handle the rejection (that's your responsibility). And if you tell him and learn that he doesn't feel the same you can then know for sure that you should "move on" emotionally. But if you don't say anything then you'll never know what to think or how to feel around him.
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