A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help to try and forget about a guy. Hes come into my life on and off for the last 5.5 years, and its always the same, hes really nice, we have a couple of dates then we sleep together and then he cools off and then i don't hear from him for ages and then he gets in touch but by then its too late so i tell him we should just be friends. In March he came back into my life again, and its pretty much the same as before but hes not been out of touch for more than a week or so so I've not told him to go away yet. I've been out with him a couple of times and we have slept together three times but its not getting serious but he still keeps in touch. I haven't seen him for 2 weeks now- he sent me a text on Fri morning at 5am saying did I dare take a sicky so I could spend the day with him (he has friday off) so i said did he dare take a sicky saturday so we could spend day togther- cuz he works sat as a car sales man, and he texted to say he had to work sat but then since then not heard anything, bt i know he will b in touch again but he won't plan anything in advance its all lastmnute. I know I should just ignore his texts but i get really low when i haven't heard from him and the txts give me a buz and make me happy. I wish I could meet someone else to take my mind off this guy or have the strength to just ignore his texts!! help!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. Some of your answers made me smile, some echoed feelings and thoughts in my own head!!! I think I need to b strong and next time he gets in touch- ignore him or just explain that what hes offering is not enough!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Yup, you are his booty call and he does this because you let him for five and a half years already. Well, I guess if you are happy with the occassional sex from him then go for it, but you sound like this is making you depressed because you know he is just using you and he is never going to promote you to girlfriend status....ever.
If you are holding back on finding the true love of your life for this guy and you need to get over him as you say, the only way to do it is to cut all contact. Don't answer his texts or his calls, change your phone number if you have to and don't give it to any one who will tell him your new number and move on with your life....every time you see him you have to get over him all over again....it is like a drug at this point to you. You are addicted and you need to stop cold turkey because this is really not healthy for you.
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (14 June 2009):
Newsflash: Guys like having sex with women, especially ones they find attractive. They can't stand the other crap: dating, talking, parenting. The stuff women like.
Obviously, the sex is good for both of you. Don't pretend you're not getting anything out of this. The rest of us should be so lucky to have these impromptu escapades. Be content with what you have and quit demanding more! (You'll find more is less anyway.)
My advice is to arrange dates around the time you and your friend plan to hook up. Imagine, you're sitting at some nice, little bistro with a fat, bald guy going on and on about accounting and telling you how beautiful you are. While you appreciate all his gushing, you're getting worked up knowing in a few hours you and the car salesman will be going at it like rabbits.
Then, the next day, when the car salesman has disappeared, call the fat accountant to satisfy your girly needs.
It's a win-win for everyone.
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A
female
reader, mitta +, writes (14 June 2009):
Its obvious that your feelings for him are alot stronger than his are for you. Im sorry to say that it sounds like hes just using you for some casual sex and fun.
You are never going to be happy in this situation, and unfortunately your life will only move on when you stop meeting him an txting him.
Maybe you have low self esteem and his attention makes you feel worthy and like you said 'gives you a buzz'.
I was in a similar situation myself, and it was only when i finally after a year realised that it was going nowhere, and I cut him out of my life that I found my soulmate!
Please believe me you would be sooooo much better off without him. 5.5 years is already way too much of your time to have wasted on him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): If this guy really cared about you.. wouldn't he be around a bit more ofte, call you more, take you out. You relish any kind of attention that you get at all from him but it's pointless because he is not going to want more from you because you are too available to him. You need to decide that you are worth more, respect yourself more than this. If you move on and away from him, he will come back to you, and that will be the crucial point where you will realise that you want more than he can offer. You need to regain a bit of power and control and confidence for yourself. You can do it!
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