A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a problem chasing men. Somehow I find myself being a bit of a doormat, waiting for calls and text messages all day. I have wasted years of my life doing this only to not have been in a real relationship since I was 23. I am 28. The guy I am dating now I pretty much chase him. He communicates with me regularly and I see him on a regular but I am not his girlfriend. He is indecisive picking between me and this other woman.He does not make me a real priority. He does not bother taking me out. Sometimes we go to dinner but it has not been a real date between us in 2 years. He claims that I was very flirtatious in the past with other men and he could not trust me that is why he did not get deeply involved with me back then. I realize now that I was flirting back then but I do not anymore.He has not called all day or text. He went out of town and his flight was about 5 in a half hours long. I would have appreciated a text before he left or a call. He went away on business. I realize I could be overreacting about not talking to him today.I need to learn how to be the strong type of woman that men treasure and stop being weak. I have no life at all. I have isolated myself to an extent. I have made this man my world and I hate it. I want to change and establish boundaries, is it to late to do with him? I have known him for years but we were real close friends first then we gradually moved into something more. How can I get my life back? I use to have a life. Now I feel my life is passing me by. How can I flip the table? I feel a man should be pursuing me totally. I feel he respects me but could respect me a whole lot more!! I have to mention that he is famous and rich with a high profile career. Many women want him period. I think that has to do with the way I act as well.Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you fishy fish! I appreciate that. I will take your advice. I really need to meet new people. I have only a handful of female friends and definitely want more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you pinktopez. That helped me a lot. I think I will walk away soon. I may just let it fade out instead because "I have walked away" many times before but always ended up coming right back. I will stop calling and texting him. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 January 2011):
I know it's easier said than done I suppose to get your life back--but it mainly has to do with self control. If you want to stop chasing men, then don't chase them. Don't call them, don't text them, don't ask them out--let them do all that. It does take some willpower, but just put the phone away and out of sight when you've got nothing else to do.
As far as getting a life. That's up to you to figure out. What do you enjoy doing? What have you always wanted to do but never did? Do you have girlfriends that you can go out and do stuff with? Honestly, it's more depressing when you stay at home doing nothing but waiting by the phone. Even if you want to get outside for a walk that helps. Go sit at Starbucks and read a magazine, at least there's other human beings around, you're not at home, and you're somewhat doing something.
And this famous/rich guy. He's probably used to women chasing him. He's used to women calling him and practically begging for a date with him. And the thing about flirting--it's a stupid excuse. I think it's best to ditch him and find someone who will pay attention to you. But if you want to TRY to turn the tables, just don't call him anymore and don't agree to anything that doesn't involve an actual date (obviously he has the money to take you on one!). Sometimes you gotta be kinda sassy and demanding. If you're just waiting by the phone for him to call and when he does call you bend over backwards to accomodate him--it's probably not that interesting to him. You don't have to be mean, but you have to put your foot down. Trust me, it usually gets their attention.
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A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (27 January 2011):
you can flip the table by stop chasing men and making them your priority! you have to focus on loving yourself and your life, and to do so you need to ameliorate your life style, never isolate yourself, you're 28 still very young, go out more, work out, integrate yourself in social groups, you'll meet lots of men aand you'll have many options! besides when you start having a life you'll realise that a lot is happening outside and good men are still there and you're missing out by focusing on the wrong men!
as for your man , i think he's not that into you , by simply being confused between you and another woman, he feels you're chasing him and feels he's your top priority ! that's wrong!!!! and you know what's even WRONGER? the fact taht he doesn't deserve it! start ignoring him and live your life! unless he gives you a real relation you don't need that! your mistake anyway , you're settling for less than you deserve!
always remeeber: when you settle for less than what you deserve you end up having less than what you settled for! good luck!
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