A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,This girl I had something of a relationship with and I used to talk about our relationship every so often near the end. Really, she had no interest; it was basically me initiating the conversations. I felt at the time it was helpful to take a step back and talk about things that were bothering me in the relationship. I would ask her things like, why do you like me, or why do you think I like you, or how we can trust each other more.Looking back, I wonder if this analysis was too intellectual, too removed, too self-conscious. I wonder if it helped at all...or whether it made the relationship more dead. (It eventually did fall apart.)Does talking about the relationship help the relationship (help you gain perspective, focus on your goals) or does it make those involved more distanced from each other. Is it a natural, good thing to do, or is it the signal that things are wrong and going to end soon?Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think communication is always best for a relationship. I think since you even tried communicating and the relationship still ended, it probably just wasn't meant to be and you and your girlfriend weren't on the same page.
However, I do think if you ask the same questions again and again it does come off as insecure and annoying. For example, if you asked her, "Why do you like me?" several times, it comes off as insecure; and especially if it's a repeat question, I would feel like saying, "I like you for the same reasons I told you the last x-amount of times." Certain questions can come off as fishing for compliments--so if your communication was all about you and not so much about the relationship or her, then that could have a negative effect.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 I think it can definitely help, at least that's my experience, but I think you both have to be on the same page for it to do much good. It's not for everyone though and it certainly shouldn't be one-sided.
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