A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, my ex broke up with me because he said we had been "arguing too much". Which is kinda true, but when we discussed our relationship the other day, we both agreed that we are both at fault for the arguments, we aren't pinning the blame on one of us. Anyway, I didn't want the break up, I really care about him and think we could fix things and work this out. Here's how the break up went: he brought up a few weeks ago that he wanted to break up because he's not sure he wants to be in a relationship at this point and I got really upset and he said he would sleep on it. So the next day he said he didn't want to break up. But a few nights ago when I stayed at his place we ended up getting into an argument, so he said that things are never going to change and we are always going to just argue all the time so he broke up with me. But I am really confused about his feelings toward me. After he broke up with me I asked him if this is really what he wanted and he said no. So I asked if he still wants me and he said "not at this moment". He says that he still likes me but he can't deal with the arguing. He said that he doesn't feel the same way he did about me at the beginning of our relationship because of all the fighting. Then he told me that he still wants to be friends, that he still wants to talk and hang out and stuff. I told him that I don't know if that would work because I still like him as more than a friend and he won't feel like that towards me again. And he said that he doesn't know how he'll feel, and he could end up wanting me back. I just don't know what to do. I do want to be with him still, he's very sweet and means so much to me, but I don't want to have to wait around forever hoping that one day he'll want me back. I'm trying to keep contact to a minimum right now, I never call him, text him, or message him first. I will text him back if he texts me but I never initiate it and I try to keep my responses short and casual. I've already told him my feelings toward him and about the break-up, and he hasn't been mean or nasty about the situation at all. I just want to know what he means by all this, like saying he likes me but doesn't want to be with me. Should I just leave him alone to figure out his feelings? If he does ask me to hang out, should I or should I keep my distance? All of my previous relationships ended badly so this is the first time I've really wanted one of my ex's back, and I really think we have a shot at making this work.. Any advice? Thanks
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Well im guessing he was doubting his feelings for you and that is why he originally broke up with you but you got so upset that he changed his mind because he obviously didnt want to hurt you, but then the arguement brought it all back to him about how he feels and that is why he broke up with you. Now it is still clear he wants to be friends at the moment as he is confused about how he feels but he still wants you in his life.
I think the best thing you can do right now is to give him some distance to think about his feelings. I know he still wants to keep in contact but i dont think this is the best thing for either of you at the moment, especially that you want him back and he is so confused. Therefore tell him straight that you cant deal with being just his friend when you still want him back and just be straight with him tell him you both need some time and if he decides he wants you back then he can contact you for the both of you to meet up and talk things through.
Goodluck.
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