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I need help making decisions to benefit my children and shape my future

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 October 2016) 7 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2016)
A age 41-50, * writes:

Hi all,

I am from India. I got married to a rich and educated girl. Initially, she was good and our relationship went well. After our first baby (son) she refused for sex. Her mother asked her to go for second baby. So she compelled me for the second baby. After our second son's birth, once again she refused for sex. I tolerated all for the sake of my kids. At one stage my business got collapsed. At that time, I realised about her and her family. They were money-minded. She left me with my second son and lives with my first son in another city. Now she is asking all my properties to be transferred in her name. I tried a lot to bring her back, but she never took my words. Now it is nearly three years our relationship broke.

Now, I find it very difficult to take care of my son as well as my business. Now I am thinking of marrying an infertile female to take care of my family.

Help me with your suggestions.

Thank you.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (17 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntHire a nanny. Get a divorcee. Split all money and belongings in half between you both. Don't marry an infertile woman just so you can have free childcare. Maybe your parents can help in your situation? I am sorry she left you because you lost your job but you can build a better life for you and your son now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2016):

Female anon, you are SERIOUSLY reading things into this that aren't there.

The OP has given concrete reasons why any normal man would be unhappy with his marriage. You prefer to disregard them and GUESS that his wife's behavior must be due to some other factors that you pulled out of thin air and slapped onto him.

He says his wife has left him and is now asking for all his properties (not half, all). Are you going to disregard those actions too, and GUESS at why it must be something he did to her?

The simpler and more obvious answer is that his wife is the less reasonable one.

If you think his idea of marrying another woman to help with his children makes him an ogre then you don't understand other cultures. This does not mean he should have a license to abuse, it means that in some places the arrangement might be beneficial for both of them and he might be totally honest with her about his intentions.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016):

Nope I did not look at his country of origin.You see it was the way he came across to me.Getting married just so he can get a babysitter for free is so wrong in many ways.The way he talks about her having money also really rubbed me the wrong way also.Maybe his wife did not want to sleep with him because of poor hygiene.Maybe it was just his attitude in general.He to me seems mean and petty.Maybe he resented his wife because his business failed.All I could see from this guy are red flags.So he wants to marry a woman not for love but to be his unpaid worker....that is the part that got me angry.Would you marry someone not for love but only for free babysitting?She more than not left him for character flaws like these.He should just hire someone to watch his child instead of being so cheap which by the way is another character flaw.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (15 October 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHas your wife said she is definitely not coming back? It sounds from your post like the breakup is final but what does your wife say? Why does she not want to come back? Why is she asking for property to be transferred into her name?

I know your culture is different to ours and marrying an infertile female to take care of the family is acceptable to you. As long as the lady you are marrying knows the score and is happy to go along with this, then I do not see why you should not do this. (It would be frowned upon in our culture but we are all different.)

Does your wife have contact with her other son? Do you have contact with your other son? Children need contact with both parents. I hope, despite your issues, you will both try to be good parents to both children.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016):

1-hire a nanny to look after your son or let your mother look after him.

2- let divorce lawyers divide your properties between you.

3- bringing in a step mother can be the worste thing you can do for your child.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016):

Female anon, did you even read the man's whole question? Or did you just skim the first couple of sentences and look at his country of origin?

There is NOTHING about what he wronte that suggests he wasn't treating his wife respectfully. She sounds like the less respectful and reasonable one.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016):

I think you should hire a nanny. It is 2016 and we have come a long way baby. Maybe you need to learn to respect women a little more. Maybe that is where your marriage went wrong. Are you saying these things about your ex because she worked outside the home like we modern women do these days? I really do not mean to burst your bubble but women are equal nowadays.Now about that property was the transfer court ordered in your divorce was it acquired during the marriage half of it may be hers.Do not get married to get a free babysitter.

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