A
female
age
30-35,
*nuzzle
writes:Hey Well yeah, I kinda need some help handling things that go on in my relationship. Me and my boyfriend have been together 8 months, both 16 years old and just leaving High School (UK).We have a few problems in our relationship, mainly because of my past:Growing up, I'd never been considered 'pretty' or anything of the sort. I had bad acne and got bullied from Primary School. The bullying stopped when one day I made a change. I got my hair done, got contact lenses and started wearing make-up. People started to say I looked really nice which made me feel better about myself. I got my first boyfriend and he was a player. My second, a couple of months later cheated on me. I'd never had the considerate, loving and caring boyfriend until I met my current one. I have really bad trust issues and I get paranoid a lot because of my past. I hate making my boyfriend suffer from what wasn't his fault at all.So our problems and how it's dealt with? Read on.FacebookFacebook caused alot of problems between us, mainly because of my jealousy in the way he was slightly flirty with some girls. It upset me alot but he said he wasn't being flirty. I asked a friend and she said she'd seen a specific conversation between him and a girl and thought it was flirty, but she said I shouldn't worry about it.It was dealt with by us both agreeing not to use facebook. Hey presto, that problem was solved. But was this the best way to handle it?TextingSo theres 2 girls that I have a problem with. Girl A and Girl B.Girl A - My boyfriend's ex from about 3 years ago. They split because she was grounded and he never saw her.Girl B - My boyfriend's step-dad's really younger sister(14 years old) which makes this his (step?)aunt.So the problem was, suddenly Girl A decided to start texting my boyfriend again. It started being a 'Hii how are you xx' kinda thing like once a week, it came to my attention but I let it slip. It started getting everyday and then more than once in a day. I started to get really upset and one time his phone went off and he lied to me who the text was from. It was her and when I found out we had a huge argument. He let me read his texts and he had deleted his sentbox but not inbox so I read her half of the conversation about the good times when he used to go over her house. (This is where my jealousy kicks in) He was sorry that he deleted them and he said it was because he didn't want me to get upset again. This was solved because he agreed to stop texting her and for awhile I was asking all the time if she'd sent him a text but eventually I trusted him and let it drop. As far as I know she still hasn't sent him a text since he started ignoring her. I don't like the way this happened because I don't want him to feel like I'm not letting him talk to other girls.My problem with Girl B was that the first time I met her was at a family party of his step-dads and all she did was stare at him all night which got me really uncomfortable. When I looked at my boyfriend he was sometimes staring at her too. After the party I was sleeping his and I confronted him about it and he said 'It's nothing, we've always done it'. The whole staring thing really hurt me for so long and I could never forgive him for it. However she did have a boyfriend she'd been with for about a year at this time so it did reassure me a little. Moving on... He went to Christmas Dinner at their house and a few days later on Facebook(before we decided to not use it) she kept posting on his wall about how fun they had playing 'tig' and how she 'was going to win !' She then started posting pictures from old times when they were younger and he started commenting playfully like 'oh wow, look at state of you ' and 'haha you wear cardboard for clothes ' I thought this was playful flirting to be honest, I know from the small sample of that conversation it doesn't really seem like it but a friend came up to me and asked about it if that gives you an idea of it, sort of. Anyway she was saying things like 'errm no I dont have you seen my pictures?' After it I got really annoyed and we fell out. I was so upset and he says he wasn't flirting at all but :/ Anyway yesterday when I got a text from my mum, my boyfriend was being really nosey about it.... so I playfully grabbed his phone and was like OH LETS SEE THEN. I found all these texts from her asking about how this boy with a girlfriend likes her and all this shit. Then, a few minutes later he got a text from her saying 'Hey'. He didn't reply to it until I left and I knew he was texting her last night which got me so upset because he knew how much I hated her and how upset I got over it(which is why he wasn't mad at me). This hasn't been solved yet, which is why I need advice on how I should deal with this and more importantly handle what to do when he gets texts from her... how should I react?AttentionAlot of the time, I really need attention. If I feel like he's being distant with me, I need his attention even more. The thing is, one days he's the sweetest boy ever and the next he gets annoyed at me over EVERYTHING. This is more me than him, but I don't understand how to control my feelings or anything.Stupid ArgumentsSometimes, stupid things come up. He says I'm negative and complain alot, which I do. We argue about really stupid things like if I say 'Can't be bothered with school, it's crap!' more than once in a day he will get all mad at me and say how im being negative and it annoys him. I need help on how to stop complaining all the time?JealousyOmg, this is such a constant thing with me. I really don't know how he copes with it, bless him. An example of my jealousy would be:I sleep over his, probably once every 2-3 weeks. It's alot better when he has a free house for the night. However, 2 weeks ago he invited his two best friends(male) over instead of me. I got so angry because I'd been waiting for about 3 months at this point for a time I could stay over with a free house. He didn't get mad because he understood why I was so upset over it.Another example of my jealousy is probably what I wrote in the 'Texting' part. Hopefully that is enough for whoever reads this to get a good idea. How do I deal with jealousy? At times my jealousy can lead to arguments between us and I hate it.You know what? That's such a long post. Thank you to anyone who even bothered to read and reply to that.Note: I've listed all the bad things in our relationship, and I've seen on other posts here people seem to think this is the whole relationship. I'd just like to add that we have alot more good times than bad times.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kit-Kat +, writes (15 April 2011):
You need to let him breathe for goodness sake! Sorry for being so harsh but keep going on like this and you are going to destroy this relationship!You remind me of this girl I used to be friends with. She started to become a control freak over her boyfriend, reading his texts, deleted all the girls off his facebook friends list and started scaring girls away when they talked to her boyfriend. the relationship ended up with her being friendless, as she accused all her friends of trying to steal him away and eventually he got fed up of her. That is what is going to happen to you.You love your boyfriend, and you can appreciate why other girls might like him too. he is a caring guy, and you cant change other girls feelings. Other girls like my boyfriend, and they even go up to me and say to me that i'm a lucky girl for having such a lovely guy. i take it as a compliment. And yes I do get slightly concerned when i see him walk down the corridor with a girl that does like him, but they have been friends with him for years, and when he smiles at me and pecks me on the cheek, i know there isnt nothing to worry about.The reason you are arguing is because he is feeling trapped. You cant control him like this. If you let him be free, he will put up with the complaining. Just relax, and dont take everything so seriously x
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