A
female
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*uskyrowe
writes:Hi, Everyone I hope you guys can help me. I'm one of the Agony Aunts who has recently joined this column like you helps people with there problems. But right now I am feeling like crap, It shows that I am only human like everyone else.Right here goes.Back in February I met a guy, (I will call him Robbie). We dated for 2 wonderful months, I thought he was "The One",we got on extremely well, went on wonderful dates and kept in regular contact in fact everyday. Then in early May he went away back to his hometown to a friend's birthday party, but never thought of inviting me to go with him, which hurt me. But then I said "Honey you go and have a good time and we will catch up after the weekend"Then early Monday morning he sent me a text saying he wanted to end our relationship and remain good friends as he had a long hard thought about our future together whilst he was there partying with his mates and decided he enjoyed the single life. I felt that someone had just come along and literally ripped my heart out, as I was blissfully unaware what his intentions were. I mean this was a complete bolt out of the blue. 3 months on I spoke to him tonight on MSN and he has told me he has found someone else after telling me he was'nt ready to date anyone.By the way I am dating someone myself,he is a really nice guy,but I am still wary as Robbie has made me distrustful of men. My new guy has assured me he is not a player and told me not to take it out on him what my ex has done. Which I feel bad about as its not his fault. I have just emailed Robbie telling him I felt unattractive and unloved,because when I was with him I played "THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND" I was caring,loyal'loving and was receptive to his feelings and needs,still that was'nt good enough. I asked him will he do the same thing to his new girlfriend or is it me I didnt fit his "IDEAL GIRLFRIEND" catergory. On two occasions we went out together for a friendly drink and chat having no intentions of sleeping with him I foolishly had sex with him ,as I misread his signals and thought there was a chance of RECONCILIATION and that he still wanted me as his girlfriend. Little did I know he had absolutely no intentions of this, cos at the time I was vulnerable and still had feelings for him. I know what you guys are thinking You Silly Girl Why did you do that?. I went on and told him if he was some kind of gentleman he would have not made a pass at me and that I am having second thoughts of us remaining friends when all he does is hurt me. and how would he feel if his present girlfriend did this to him god forbid if it ever happened to him. I feel kind of hypocritical here because 1. I slept with him 2. I am also dating another guy myself. Does this mean I stiil have feelings for Robbie?, because I want to move on and concentrate on the other guy which I will call (David). I mean I don't want the same thing to happen to me again. Please Help xx
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move on, msn, my ex, player, text, unloved Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 August 2007):
 I feel terrible that my return to this site begins like this, but I am so, so sorry about eveything that is happening right now. I find that things always seem to go bad all at once.I will say, atleast David has come out and told you how he feels. He hasn't messed you about, or atleast, isn't anymore. It is decent that he has done this is that is the way he feels, as horrible as it may seem.My advice at this time would be to keep active. See your friends frequently. Be in good company, and try and make things outside of the situations as bright as possible.If there is anything you'd like me to do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. Even if it's a prayer.
A
female
reader, agonyauntlisaxxxx +, writes (15 August 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear that, love. if u wanna talk at all. I'm here as well. xxx
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Hi, i would like to promise you that all this is going to end soon. Pray and have faith and everything would be ok. I would like to think i am here for you so don't think that you are alone. If you ever need to speak to anyone mail me.Regards
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (13 August 2007):
 Hi babe sorry to hear that about David and your mum at the moment, and what a really shitty thing for him to do to you.
If you want to talk about anything, i know a stranger might be the last person you want to talk to but i am here if you want to chat.
Take care.xx.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (13 August 2007):
duskyrowe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi everyone. Right now I feel sad as David has finished with me, as he is still in love with his ex who lives in Finland. He says he is not ready to date anyone at the moment and doesnt want to see me anymore or contact him even if I wanted to be friends with him
To make matters worse my mum is in hospital, she suffers from Altzeimers disease and is deteriating before my very eyes. I emailed David to talk to me about my mum, but he emailed me back to say sorry about my mum, but he still wants nothing to do with me.
I am absolutely devastated. Please help me xx Dusky
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A
female
reader, agonyauntlisaxxxx +, writes (11 August 2007):
You need to cut him out of you're life. What you feel for him is the heartache and hurt he put you through. Concentrate on yourself and David, You deserve to be happy and loved an appriciated. You're ex sounds like mine. A complete wanker, Don't pay any attention to you're ex from now on. Move on with you're life, You will get over you're ex and the hurt and David will help support you through this.If you need to talk to someone, there are always counsellors. they will listen to you and help you through it.Good luck love xxx
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female
reader, sexi +, writes (10 August 2007):
Hi,Just hang in there and everything would work out for you.Take it easier. Try and keep yourself occupied and you would soon stop thinking about Robbie.Force yourself to think about all the bad things he has done to you,think of all the bad times you shared and that would make the process of getting over him quicker.hopefully.
Regards
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (10 August 2007):
duskyrowe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys I still feel physically sick as to what Robbie has done to me, I keep getting mental pictures of him and this woman,ie being in each others arms, making love. I can't bear it, plus I don't get to see David very much as his job is on the line. He done a presentation the other day and it didn't go too well,his boss says he has to do another one,if he screws this one up he may lose his job. But if he does well in the next presentation, his boss can send him to various destinations for weeks/months on end,and I am also scared of losing him. I think cos I don't see David very much,I have not got him there to take my mind off Robbie. He explained to me why he doesn't contact me when I do, is because he has a lot of Shit going on in his life and finds it hard to catch up with anyone.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (8 August 2007):
Aww, duskyrowe. You do sound a little similar to me here.
Before my relationship broke up, I used to ask my girlfriend if she was happy with the way things are, and wanted things to keep going. I also reminded her that she should tell me if their is a problem. Unfortunately, She didn't tell me she had any problems until the night before we broke up, and even then it was too soon for me to expect that the worst was going to happen. She had been quiet, and a little moody with me a few days before she told me, but I didn't think anything sinister of it. It's horrible that these things take you by surprise.
I would offer my advice, but I think a lot of the guys have already taken every word I could use out of my mouth! Their advice is sound; Focus on your current guy. Don't reflect on the past. Go out and have fun. That's what it all comes down to.
You say you have a little less trust for guys at the moment, but I say; atleast you have got somebody else now, He will hopefully give you that trust back by being honest, and telling you if there is a problem before things escalate.
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (8 August 2007):
You get very few guys like David you should hang onto him with both hands!
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Hi,
I think you do still have feelings for your ex, but thats normal. We all get atracted at some point, to someone bad for us. The trouble is you dont know this at first when you fall in love. Ask yourself this though!! would you want to be with a guy, that not only broke your heart, but is also two timming his current girlfriend, and still using you for sex. Or maybe I got that wrong and he was not with his current girlfiend when you had sex with him.
If he was however, and you knew this, arn't you following in the same footsteps, and being uncaring to his girlfriend and your current partner. How would your partner feel if he found out, or his girlfriend?.
You sound like a nice girl, and I am sure you dont mean to hurt anyone, and maybe you havn't concidered that you are acting in a bad way. But read your question back, and try to answer it as though you were giving advice. It reads differently doesnt it?.
You cannot move on if you dont let go of the past. And if you feel that you can do this to another person, you are with the wrong man again.
Remember how it felt to have your heart broke, do you really want to do this to your boyfriend.
I hope you can move on, and forget your ex, as he was no good. Dont lower yourself to this kind of behavior.
XX
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (8 August 2007):
duskyrowe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for all your support, it is most appreciated
I am gonna think twice and let my head rule my heart. Btw David is romantic he bought me a small gift on our first date. Robbie only bought me heartache.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (8 August 2007):
duskyrowe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I slept with Robbie long before David came along. I would never do that to David in a million years.
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (8 August 2007):
Hi,you are feeling terrible about wht has happened to you but ou slept with Robbie while you were going out with David - If you feel so bad why are you leeting him experience what you did?
You can keep hanging onto Robbie, he is playing with your feelings and does not deserve someone like you. You need to think about whether you really want to be in another relationship so quickly (especially if you are still trying to deal with your previous break up) Dont use this oher guy beacuse you would end up huting him.If you dont really love him, let him go. You need to get over Robbir because you truly deserve someone better. You have made a mistake by sleeping with him, accept it and move on (& dont let it happen again) Dont let him use you. As hard as it may be find someone else that loves you and appreciates your love for him.
Take Care, Mail Me if you wanna talk
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female
reader, flower girl +, writes (8 August 2007):
Let me just start by saying you are not silly at all, we all get taken in by people we care about and it is them that are wrong for messing with our emotions like that.
Maybe you do still have feelings for Robbie, but if you do i think a friendship is out of the question, you have to just move on with David and start afresh.
It's very difficult to have trust when you have been treated like that for someone, but you will trust again you have to other wise there is a good chance it will distroy any chances of future relationships.
Take care.xx.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): dont feel bad,this guy is no good,this happened to me and 3 weeks after splitting with me i now find out last night that he has someone else,which is abit quick i thought,i thought he was the one.all these nice things he done for me,but he was the same as your guy.stay with the new one he sounds nice,i know its hard to trust again.i just feel myself i want to tell the world of this man,to warm other women of the heart ache he will bring.shame we cant name these horrible guys on here to warn others.good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): as you said at the start of your post, you are only human girl. He left you right in the middle of what seemed like a good relationship - if things had fizzled out slowly you would probably have felt closure when it ended, but because it was sudden - fine one day and gone the next, it leaves you confused and being 'human' youre an emotional wreck. Dont feel bad, or to blame for being vunerable and sleeping with Robbie again, it takes 2 to tango and he didnt exactly fight you off did he?! When my ex first left me, I slept with him twice after I had started a new relationship and I felt awful for it as my new partner didnt deserve that. But, to me that made me find closure. I realised how stupid I had been and that he really wasnt worth it.
Keep your chin up, as you know emotions pass, and this time nxt yr you will probably laugh and think Robbie who?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): I sympathise with you and understand the pain you are going through. I think that your ex is a bit of a player, having had first hand experience myself. What happens is everything is going great, they woo you, they make a fuss of you,they make you believe that you are the one...bang then as soon as you're hooked they move on to pastures new.It's a bolt out of the blue and you must be feeling confused and distraught. Not only that you are blaming yourself thinking that there is something wrong with you. No there is nothing wrong with you, you are capable of forming a loving relationship with someone and you have shown this. The trouble lies with your ex, he has problems with commitment and intimacy. If it's any consolation these guys flit from one girl to the other like a honey bee from flower to flower. I don't think it does them any good for there own emotional wellbeing and I know many a guy who was a player when they were younger who are now fat,bald,alone and desperate for some loving.What you mustn't do is sleep with your ex, of course when you see him your going to feel that everything is ok, he'll play the charming partner..because he wants sex with you, don't confuse sex with a possible relationship. You can have sex with a guy time and time again and it doesn't make them fall in love, they are different to women for them it's just sex. I think you know what you must do and is cut all contact with him completely, because the more you see of him you will not be able to get over him. It could take you some time to get over him because for some peculiar reason players get us hooked emotionally, like a drug. So think of him as some kind of bad addiction, that you need to kick to the kerb. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Hi Duskyrowe
We all need a shout now n then.
I think this Robbie touched a nerve with you & you do have unfinished business. But only because you are still in contact with him.
If he used you recently, hes not a nice guy & quite frankly you shouldnt WANT to stay mates with him.
He used the old not ready for a relationship yet thing to split, then dated someone else. We've probably all done that. Its nothing for you to feel your a failure. If the guy is young, he might be too immature to get into anything too long term with anyone & no doubt the same thing will happen to his current girlfriend, and he slept with you while with her?
I wouldnt go near him again. Be really strong and delete & block him on msn. Then ignore him completely.
If David is a nice guy, give him a chance. I think you just still had the Robbie bug & need to ignore it so it goes away.
Concentrate on David. If things dont work out with him, then move on. But not back. exes are exes for a reason. This Robbie is a bad news no no.
C xxxxx
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